The Galactic Pillow

Site Relocation Notice

2011-06-08T01:13:00.008-04:00

Greetings everyone, as you can see I haven't posted on this blog for a long time because of many factors. However, I've decided to start blogging again except this time on wordpress. Please follow the link below that will take you to the new site. Cheers! (This site will remain up for a while longer).

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Movie - Dragonball Evolution Review

2009-07-29T14:28:00.000-04:00

That collective howl of anguish you hear is actually millions of seething anime fans who are demanding a public beheading of all who were involved in ruining their childhood fantasies by completely eviscerating Akira Toriyama’s worldwide manga phenomenon, Dragonball. Dragonball Evolution as directed with extreme blandness by James Wong and scripted with no sense of purpose by Ben Ramsey is a live-action film adaptation that fails to be anything more than a passing diversion for young toddlers.

Anyone with even a sliver of knowledge of Toriyama’s seminal manga is going to be infuriated at how insipid and completely juvenile the narrative has become. To be fair, the source material was never going to be compared to Shakespeare or even something closer to home such as the magnificent work coming out of Studio Ghibli (think 2D Pixar) but at least it offered its fans exciting martial arts combat and a cast of colourful eccentric characters.

In the hands of James Wong both these series assets have gone missing with martial arts routines that really accentuate the fact that no one has any clue what they are doing and characters that are flatter than a pancake in terms of personality. Right from the start the filmmakers stumble out of the gate with the greatly miscast Justin Chatwin playing our hero Goku, a teenage orphan that is raised by his grandfather Gohan (Randall Duk Kim) on their secluded estate. Let’s be straight up and frank here the decision to cast a Caucasian lead as Goku might rub many the wrong way but the problem is not really race but the fact that Chatwin has almost no charisma and is entirely wooden even during the fight sequences. Chatwin’s only bursts of raw emotion come from emo-baby tears and an altogether vein-popping visage of rage that looks more like he’s passing wind. It doesn’t help that the script glosses over his back-story, only giving the audience just enough motivation to propel him forward and though his character hits rough patches we’re never convinced of his emotional struggle as he returns to his cheery self a mere five minutes later.

As presented here, Goku, while still a teenager, is already an accomplished martial artist yet constantly endures bullying at school for being an outsider. Embarrassed and frustrated by his tormentors he dare not fight back due to Gohan’s strict conditions that he should never show his true power. Of course, like any other normal teenager, Goku has a secret crush on Chi Chi, a lovely though completely forgettable lass played by Jamie Chung who also harbors hidden feelings for him.

Just as his school life begins to take a turn for the positive Goku’s world is turned upside down when Gohan is murdered by Piccolo (James Marsters), an evil being who has managed to escape after thousands of years of imprisonment. Piccolo seeks revenge on the world and embarks on a quest to find the seven mystical dragonballs (think glowing orbs) that will grant him ultimate power. Goku deduces what is going on and vows to find the dragonballs before his nemesis with the intention on using them to grant “one perfect wish” and stop Piccolo and his nefarious scheme.

For the main antagonist, Piccolo is not at all menacing as Marsters lurches into a dry drooling delivery. It might have been more effective, albeit wholly cliché, if he just laughed maniacally as it would show some degree of rage. Instead he glares menacingly behind the laughable green makeup that wouldn’t scare a gnat.

In fact, Piccolo is largely wasted content to spend most of the movie firmly entrenched in his flying blimp-like ship waxing poetic about how he’s longed to unleash hell upon the world. All the grunt work is left to his henchwoman, Mai (Eriko Tamura) who at least presents a buxom figure in spandex and gets to mix it up in some of the martial arts sequences.

Along the way Goku hitches up with a spunky inventor named Bulma (Emmy Rossum), Yamcha (Joon Park) a roguish con artist and last but not least Master Roshi (Chow Yun-Fat) a wise sage in the mold of Obi-Wan, except totally perverted and with a penchant for wearing loud Hawaiian shirts. Just writing those last few words is enough to make me laugh trying to picture Chow Yun-Fat as Master Roshi facing off against Darth Vader but enough of that fanboy moment.

Emmy Rossum’s career has certainly taken a turn for the worse here especially after her breakthrough in the movie musical Phantom of the Opera. Her Bulma is just not compelling and most of her dialogue consists of dreaded Star Trek technobabble that tries to sound scientific but ends up being hokey. For what it’s worth, Rossum certainly has Bulma’s look down pat as well as her cocky attitude but that one-dimensional trait isn’t enough to make audiences empathize with her.

About the only thespian that seems to be having a good time is Chow Yun-Fat who decides to throw caution to the wind and revert back to his manic film persona not seen since his early 1980s Hong Kong comedies. While the rest of the cast attempts to play it straight Chow Yun-Fat makes the easy realization that the material is inherently campy thus making the conscious decision to let it all hang out. This is the sign of a veteran actor who is not at all embarrassed at making a giant fool of himself and he injects needed verve and energy whenever he’s on screen. It’s too bad that his character is criminally underused.

For a lean movie that’s less than one and a half hours, Dragonball Evolution to its credit, is never bone-crushingly dull but there’s little coherency as scenes lurch forward without rhyme or reason. Small kids who are watching for the action will not notice but for everyone else the screenplay makes little or no sense with no concept of spatial relation or time passed. Fans of the manga will undoubtedly know that it takes Goku and friends a very long time to track down each successive dragonball but here they all basically fall right into his lap. Scenes are constructed that boggle the mind and stretch believability to ridiculous levels. At one point Goku, Bulma and Master Roshi fall into a giant pit created by Yamcha to blackmail errant travelers into giving him money to save them. After a bit of needless arguing Bulma suddenly realizes using her tracking device that there’s a dragonball nearby. Coincidence or just brainless writing? I’ll leave that for you to decide.

Further along in the story Goku finds himself across a giant crater filled with molten lava with a dragonball located on the other side. He devises a “brilliant” plan of throwing evil mud-like villains into the lava and then proceeding to play hopscotch as he jumps from body to body until he arrives at his goal. The scene reminded me of the end of Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith and I wondered at the complete incongruity of anyone surviving the immense heat as they stood next to boiling lava not to mention the fact that those bodies Goku employs to jump on never burn in the least. What works in an anime or manga just looks totally phony on the silver screen.

In fact with no sense of passage of time it certainly feels as if Goku discovers nearly every dragonball in less than twenty minutes giving his quest an altogether empty and listless feel.

Kids might get a kick watching their heroes come to life but this production screams low-budget from the less than exciting visual effects to the laughable Paper Mache rocks and sparse set design the movie resembles a Disney family channel special. Actually, this is not a bad comparison as the film is so sanitized and squeaky clean that it feels like High School Musical with martial arts. Who knows, maybe if Goku and Master Roshi broke out into song and dance it might have made the film more engaging.

Director James Wong has shown he could write some tense and chilling science fiction fare before by penning many episodes of the X-Files and Millennium but his film directing skills are pure vanilla lacking any sort of stylistic flair. This was apparent even in his earlier films such as Final Destination or The One but he hits a dubious new low with Dragonball Evolution with ridiculously inappropriate static camera work that just does not make use of a film’s expanded canvas. Action scenes are choppily edited to hide the fact that none of the actors looks vaguely proficient in martial arts and even the final showdown that we anticipate is woefully flat and altogether anticlimactic.

Most of these young actors as well as Chow Yun-Fat will escape from this ordeal with their careers intact but it’s James Wong who will find his directorial career on the rocks with this slothful rambling disaster that manages the double whammy of insulting diehard Dragonball fans and the general public. You have been warned.

* out of ****

2009, USA/Hong Kong, 85 Minutes, PG
Directed by James Wong
Screenplay by Ben Ramsey
Based on the manga by Akira Toriyama
Produced by Stephen Chow
Executive Producer Tim Van Rellim
Original Music by Brian Tyler
Cinematography by Robert McLachlan
Film Editing by Matt Friedman, Chris G. Willingham

Goku: Justin Chatwin
Master Roshi: Chow Yun-Fat Chow
Bulma: Emmy Rossum
Chi Chi: Jamie Chung
Lord Piccolo: James Marsters
Yamcha: Joon Park
Mai: Eriko Tamura
Grandpa Gohan: Randall Duk Kim
Sifu Norris: Ernie Hudson
Carey Fuller: Texas Battle
Seki: Megumi Seki
Oozaru: Ian Whyte
Agundes: Richard Blake
Moreno: Jon Valera

© 2009 The Galactic Pillow

Movie - Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen Review

2009-07-15T12:15:00.000-04:00

Glorious special effects cannot save Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen from being an almost completely incomprehensible debacle saddled with a plot that meanders for almost an hour too long filled with ridiculous new characters and groan worthy humour aimed at the lowest common denominator. As someone who liked the original film this sequel certainly delivers with more robot on robot bashing but the lack of any characterization and awfully stilted dialogue is a major disappointment. Fans of Michael Bay’s exuberant action might be satiated but there’s just way too much emphasis on adrenalin that it becomes mind-numbing with oddball moments that usually feature scrotums that inevitably plunge the production straight into the scrap heap.

Set approximately two years after the original film nearly all of the major characters, human and robots included, are back for the sequel. The heroic Autobots led by their leader Optimus Prime (Peter Cullen) are joined by a few new compatriots such as Sideswipe, Jolt and two twins named Skids and Mudflap (Reno Wilson). There’s also the first female Autobot Arcee (Grey DeLisle) who is actually made up of three separate transforming motorcycles. For the past few years the Autobots have joined forces with parts of the US military to form the super secret NEST organization that is pledged to hunt down the remaining Decepticons who are spread out and hidden across the globe.

Meanwhile our lovable geeky hero Sam Witwicky (Shia LaBeouf) is preparing his own rite of passage by leaving his girlfriend Mikaela Banes (Megan Fox) and his parents behind to go off to college. However, in an accidental move he touches the remaining shard of the allspark that he kept from the previous movie as cryptic information starts downloading into his brain in a torrent of unintelligible symbols and images.

While all this is going on the evil Decepticons under their interim leader Starscream (Charles Adler) are licking their wounds and preparing their next move which occurs when their communications expert Soundwave (Frank Welker) hacks into a US military satellite and discovers the location of their deceased commander Megatron (Hugo Weaving). Retrieving his body they reanimate him as he reports in to their supreme commander, The Fallen (Tony Todd) back on Cybertron who tells him that in order for them to prevail that the last remaining Prime aka Optimus must be terminated. Once this is done then they can activate their super weapon which will destroy the Sun thus blasting Earth to oblivion.

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen works like a standard potboiler Hollywood sequel to a hit film meaning it’s blessed with a largely increased budget and a license to jack up the action to stratospheric levels. In this sense director Michael Bay is clearly in his element ramming scene upon scene of wanton destruction as he blows up every object imaginable. Bay has always been defined as being an architect for testosterone filled sequences and two in particular stand out here the first being a wonderfully shot battle in a forest as Optimus Prime takes on a horde of Decepticons while whooping ass and of course the climactic battle royale amidst the famed Pyramids at Giza that probably cost more than the total GDP of a small country.

One of the biggest gripes with the original was that as glorious as the CG was, Bay’s reliance on tight angles and close ups did nothing but obscure the action and turn it into an indecipherable jumble of metal parts flailing away with no rhyme or reason. This time around it’s a bit easier to discern who is fighting who but Bay still relies on split second cuts that make it tough to tell what is transpiring especially when any transformer goes toe to toe in an all out fist fight. With the ridiculously detailed special effects it would have been nice to just have a few good multi-second shots of the various robots to give the audience a better understanding of who is who but alas that is not to be.

Action fans will not be disappointed as the film feels as if it is wall-to-wall mayhem but strangely this is completely off-putting as there’s just too much here. As wonderful as the climax is by the time it gets there most of the audience is going to be too stupefied to care as all the robot bashing becomes a complete blur. It also doesn’t help at all that there’s just no emotional attachment to the bulk of these robots as the film has mismanaged the time spent building them up.

With an expanded cast this sequel feels enormously undercooked and woefully inadequate even though it runs two and half hours. All the new characters are barely given enough screentime to make any sort of poignant impact and thus function as nothing more than pretty mannequins to add to the scenery. Worse still, those who do manage to get more time are downright risible must notably the Autobot twins Skids and Mudflap who have clearly been compared to that infamous CG monstrosity Jar Jar Binks from the Star Wars prequels. With their faux-ghetto speech, gold capped teeth and nauseating personality it’s a wonder Black action groups aren’t more up in arms with this ridiculous stereotyping. Whenever they are on screen you end up praying some Decepticon would just materialize and vaporize their mechanical ass to oblivion.

As the first female robot on either side Arcee is a utter waste of celluloid and it is supremely obvious Michael Bay has no clue how to use her or even worse, just doesn’t care for the character in the least. Why should a robot have gender is probably a damn good question but if you are going to have a Decepticon with giant bouncing testicles there’s no reason to think that there aren’t going to be any females either. Then again, like most pressing issues here the number one tactic to answering these questions is merely to ignore that it even exists. It doesn’t mean that the movie should take a twenty minute sidebar to espouse upon gender issues as they pertain to robots but a line or two is all you really need. After all, Mikaela is your lead female character who already rides motorcycles yet she never gets to ride or talk to the only female Autobot seems like a no-brainer creative decision that never materializes.

Alas the entire script is rife with problems such as this and feels every bit as fragmented as it sounds with missed opportunities and a general lack of polish. A good sequel inevitably manages to take existing characters and provide situations which can show growth but here everything takes a back seat to the robotic carnage. All the human characters are incredibly underwritten even our two leads Sam and Mikaela who spend the bulk of the movie basically running their ass off from location to location with a few mere pauses to stare longingly into each others’ eyes and are further saddled with the oldest moronic romantic cliché in the history of cinema of not being able to say, “I love you,” to one another. The original movie by comparison is a thunderous work of art in terms of characterization. Part of the appeal there was to watch lovable loser Sam manage to hook up with the gorgeous girl while juggling the fact that he was being drawn into an intergalactic robot war. This time around he’s already gotten the girl and the screenwriter’s have not managed a suitable emotional replacement instead relying on ridiculous sitcom antics that seem to be ripped from teen romance movies where the girl catches a glimpse of her lover in the act of being kissed by another hot babe and immediately thinks the worse of him.

Shia LaBeouf’s considerable talents are almost completely wasted here as he’s given nothing to work with except shouting and staring wide-eyed at the green screen battles going on around him. His co-star Megan Fox is still smoking hot but seems more like a walking Barbie doll this time around as she preens and poses with her impeccable makeup. Faring even worse are Josh Duhamel and Tyrese Gibson as Major Lennox and USAF Master Sergeant Epps who really only get procedural moments of dialogue and spend the movie in unending shots of them aiming their machine guns or looking perplexed.

Add to this an awful misuse of banal wit that usually results from either brain-dead characters like Sam’s ditzy mother who gets high on weed or ridiculous scenes of any sort of humping. Yes, that’s right; we get not one but two scenes of animal on animal action as well as a tiny shrimp of a Decepticon who speaks like a wannabe gangster doing the nasty on Mikaela’s leg. Of course there are the two Jar Jar Binks clones but there’s also the returning comic relief from the original film in Agent Simmons (John Turturro) who at least has decided to throw caution to the wind and ham it up to the nines. With all these kooky characters the film decides to still go full out overkill and adds Sam’s conspiracy-theorist roommate Leo Spitz (Ramon Rodriguez) who spends the majority of the movie screaming like a little girl or reduced to waddling around with no pants asking for toiler paper. Really, this is like every bad sitcom reject rolled into one honking mess of a film.

Fans of the film, Michael bay obviously included, will probably blanch and use the “You don’t get the gist of the movie” argument but they are sorely misinformed. It’s not that detractors of the film don’t understand it but that they truly “get it” well enough. As a big Hollywood action spectacle featuring an enormous budget the movie is pure non-stop visceral thrills with each sequence becoming more and more elaborate. No one is questioning the film’s technical merits as it’s evident that much care went into making a visual feast but boy is the screenplay ragged and filled with non-stop banalities that function to kill whatever pace is set with the adrenalin action segments.

The audience doesn’t care one hoot whether or not any of these characters, be it man or machine, dies or gets injured in the least and making matters worse is that the film lacks a monstrous and scheming villain. Even though Megatron is back he’s reduced to simple groveling and in another ode to Star Wars is revealed to be The Fallen’s apprentice. Oh please give us a break. Megatron might not have had enough dialogue in the original film but when he finally awoke there was no doubt he was numero uno honcho there with enough snarling anger that could kill Autobots just with aggressive staring. To see him as a simple lackey this time around and getting his ass handed to him by Optimus even though it was the other way around in the first film’s climactic fight just devalues his character. In his place, The Fallen is generic badguy #512 with a ridiculously overwrought super weapon that is nullified with a few shots yet for all his menace he doesn’t do much more than wax on about how he’s been waiting patiently for revenge over thousands of years.

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen is one of those movies that might work well on Blu-ray or DVD solely based on the fact that the audience can just ram the fast forward button to watch all the gnarly special effects work. It’s too bad actually since there’s so much material here that if honed and packaged differently could make a rip-roaring action film as well as make these characters compelling. I previously reviewed Star Trek by the same team of Roberto Orci and Alex Kurtzman and while that was nearly pitch perfect in bringing the successful elements of the TV series into the new millennia Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen feels as if it was written on the fly as they were filming. There’s really no other reason that one can think of as the script does no favors to everyone involved.

There are rumours that Michael bay wants a break before the next installment or indeed doesn’t want to handle it anymore but regardless of his decision I sincerely hope Roberto Orci and Alex Kurtzman sit down and take a long look at all the problems embedded in this sequel and attempt to correct them. If all we’re going to get is a third film with even bigger explosions you might as well just go bang your head against the wall in order to simulate the headache you received watching the second installment.

*1/2 out of ****

2009, USA, 150 Minutes, PG-13, Dreamworks/Paramount
Directed by Michael Bay
Screenplay by Ehren Kruger, Roberto Orci, Alex Kurtzman
Produced by Ian Bryce, Tom DeSanto, Lorenzo di Bonaventura, Don Murphy
Executive Producer Michael Bay, Brian Goldner, Steven Spielberg, Mark Vahradian
Original Music by Steve Jablonsky
Cinematography by Ben Seresin

Sam Witwicky: Shia LaBeouf
Mikaela Banes: Megan Fox
Major Lennox: Josh Duhamel
USAF Master Sergeant Epps: Tyrese Gibson
Agent Simmons: John Turturro
Leo Spitz: Ramon Rodriguez
Ron Witwicky: Kevin Dunn
Judy Witwicky: Julie White
Alice: Isabel Lucas
Galloway: John Benjamin Hickey
Professor Colan: Rainn Wilson
Optimus Prime (voice): Peter Cullen
Jetfire (voice): Mark Ryan
Mudflap (voice): Reno Wilson
Ironhide (voice): Jess Harnell
Ratchet (voice): Robert Foxworth
Sideswipe (voice): André Sogliuzzo
Arcee (voice): Grey DeLisle
Megatron (voice): Hugo Weaving
Fallen (voice): Tony Todd
Starscream (voice): Charles Adler
Soundwave / Devastator: Frank Welker

© 2009 The Galactic Pillow

Movie - Hancock Review

2009-06-05T10:04:00.001-04:00

Comic book films are all the rage these days and with new benchmarks in artistry and psychological depth being reached by The Dark Knight and to a lesser extent Iron Man the genre is growing and maturing at an unprecedented rate. The bulk of these movies are indeed based on existing comic book series so there’s a built in audience with a large enough appetite to which these films can tap into. Then there’s the odd exception such as Will Smith’s newest vehicle, Hancock, that invents a new superhero and attempts to spin an origin tale unlike any other.

At first glace the setup is actually quite refreshing. Will Smith plays the title character, John Hancock, who does not come from any existing hero archetype. He’s not the shining example of justice ala Superman nor has the brooding psyche of Batman. Instead, he’s a deadbeat drunkard outfitted in disheveled clothes replete with less than exemplary hygiene. When crisis erupt he has a nonchalant attitude that borders on complete disinterest. While he does finally “get off his ass” and take out the perpetrators his antics result in more damage than the criminals themselves leading to protests by ordinary citizens demanding his arrest.

Though his actions are motivated by doing good deeds he has no tact whatsoever as he constantly gets into situations where his impulses get the better of him over common sense. There’s a montage sequence where Hancock is shown some of his past deeds of justice going awry such as when he tries to save a whale by throwing it back into the ocean. Unfortunately, the soaring mammal comes back down right on top of a luxury yacht. Then there’s another instance when he puts out a fire but then stops to get some ice cream as a reward totally oblivious that he’s butt naked below the waist while kids stand aghast at his ass cheeks.

Enter Ray Embrey a down of his luck public relations consultant played with appropriate gusto by Jason Bateman. After being saved by Hancock, Ray takes it upon himself to help improve his image. In his eyes, Hancock is merely misunderstood and with a bit of schooling can turn things around and become a shining hero for the world at large.

This setup works remarkably well for the film’s first act as we’re treated to a much different take on existing superhero mores. Will Smith, almost always likeable in past roles, does his best to make Hancock into a malcontented man who is literally attempting to piece his life back together since he has no memory of his past save for a ticket stub to the movie Frankenstein. The movie clicks early on as we’re sucked into Hancock’s initial struggle over his own importance to society as he slowly comes into the realization of his potential worth. This first act has moments of broad comedy that punctuate the more serious aspects of Hancock’s self-assessment though most jokes have already been seen from the movie trailer. Still, with the exception of one poor taste head-up-the-ass joke, they work to showcase Hancock’s dour personality.

Then, the movie jumps the shark and with it the whole endeavor literally collapses under its own weight. What starts out as a rather nifty play on our super hero expectations suddenly morphs into a strange combination of sappy melodrama punctuated with fits of brain deadening exposition.

It is not often that you can feel a movie slipping away but it's succinctly visible here as the movie changes gears, not in a gradual manner but by literally doing a 180. Without spoiling the big twist that is introduced the film adds story elements from out of thin air that delve deep into Hancock’s nebulous past. Before he was just a hero with amnesia, after he’s suddenly much much more as his history literally sprawls out over the millennia. As bad a metaphor as it is, this is akin to the film giving you drops of information about him suddenly becoming a raging torrent of water and it all comes out in a blink of an eye.

This would not seem too debilitating as the twists and turns of the story reveal a serious attempt at building a comic book mythos but the execution is just painfully hackneyed. Characters who at first seemed to be window dressing suddenly gain prominence including a villain who has got to be the lamest desperado ever committed to film. Batman has the Joker. Superman has Lex Luthor. Hancock has a failed bank robber with a hook for a hand. Battle of intellectual or physical titans this is not.

Making matters worse is Hancock’s back-story that has numerous holes in logic. These are actual story problems that arise through dialogue that make you wonder if anyone pointed out the contradictions during a screenplay meeting session. The entire second half of the film is a complete tonal shift from the first giving the film a Frankenstein atmosphere where the filmmakers have cobbled together disparate story elements together in a strange concoction. Characters go through what seem to be dense descriptions literally explaining their motivations but leave out the most important elements as to their justification.

Action sequences spring up for no apparent reason and are buttressed with overblown effects that aren’t even caused by our protagonists. Take the huge fight that takes place while huge tornados rip through downtown Los Angeles. We’re never given an inkling if they were just freaks of nature that occurred during a fist fight or rather the creation born from one of the participants. There’s no rhyme or reason other than trying to make it look cool.

For a film with a massive production budget the actual effects are sloppy and unconvincing. Flying sequences are less than impressive and the green screen work seems slapdash at best. It’s a wonder that they couldn’t at least equal the work in recent films such as Superman Returns or anything from the Matrix. I almost fell off my seat thinking I was watching the Greatest American Hero.

Once Hancock makes the change from sardonic boozer to reformed superhero in tight black leather the movie loses whatever originality it had managed to portray. Will Smith is not given much to show off his considerable acting chops and as such settles into your typical heroic stereotype once he’s set on the noble path while poor Charlize Theron is pigeonholed into a ludicrous role that could have been pulled off by any other actress. You’d never guess that these two thespians were previously nominated for (and one won) an Academy Award.

The movie ends with a thousand questions still unanswered which leaves one thinking an inevitable sequel is on the way. Judging from the way this movie managed to turn a high concept setup into a haphazard incoherent mess it’s definitely not something to look forward to.

*1/2 out of ****

2008, USA, 92 Minutes, PG-13, Columbia
Directed by Peter Berg
Writing credits Vincent Ngo, Vince Gilligan
Produced by Akiva Goldsman, James Lassiter, Michael Mann, Will Smith
Executive Producer: Ian Bryce, Jonathan Mostow, Richard Saperstein
Co-producer: Allegra Clegg
Associate Producer: Eric Heffron, Michelle McGonagle, Tracey Nyberg
Original Music by John Powell
Cinematography by Tobias A. Schliessler

John Hancock: Will Smith
Mary Embrey: Charlize Theron
Ray Embrey: Jason Bateman
Aaron Embrey: Jae Head
Kenneth 'Red' Parker Jr.: Eddie Marsan
Man Mountain: David Mattey
Matrix: Maetrix Fitten
Mike: Thomas Lennon
Jeremy: Johnny Galecki
Hottie: Hayley Marie Norman

© 2009 The Galactic Pillow

Movie - Mongol Review

2009-05-26T09:30:00.001-04:00

Sweeping panoramic vistas and haunting imagery cannot save this altogether pedantic historical drama that never manages to incite much emotion except for bone crushing monotony. Based on Genghis Khan, one of history’s grandest conquerors, the film by Russian director Sergei Bodrov never manages to move out of first gear and relies on some incredible leaps in time and suspect scene construction that never presents more than a wafer thin insight into the early years of the man who would go on to cut a path of conquest through much of Asia.

The subject matter certainly seems rife with myriad possibilities as it is always fascinating to see how events shaped these great historical figures and the film does present a largely fresh angle by focusing on how young Temudjin managed to unite Mongolia under his banner. Other films on the same subject matter have largely focused on his great military victories that built the Mongol Empire from the Sea of Japan to the Caspian Sea.

The movie opens as a young nine-year-old Temudjin accompanies his father to choose his bride. Against his father’s wishes he chooses Borte, or more to the point she chooses him and so Temudjin gives her a polished wishbone and promises to return in five years to claim her. However, on the way home his father is poisoned by a rival tribe and dies causing his followers to rebel flocking to a former charge named Targutai who usurps the Khan title. Knowing that Temudjin will be a threat he informs everyone that in keeping with tradition he will kill him once he reaches a certain age.

The film depicts Temudjin’s formative years as being incredibly harrowing as the young boy constantly has to fend for himself against both nature and those who want him dead. I am not too familiar with Genghis Khan’s childhood so I can’t easily tell if what the movie shows as following history but it seemed to me that what is on display here would make any Hollywood screenwriter weary. This stems for the fact that the film feels like some bastardized version of Groundhog Day staring Bill Murray who plays a simple weatherman who detests reporting on Groundhog Day yet somehow is forced to relive it over and over again, caught in some temporal loop.

Young Temudjin would be so lucky. Unfortunately, for him things are much dire. After escaping from Targutai he gets captured by him again and locked up. However, he manages to escape and spends some time being free before being captured once again whereby he later escapes only to fall prey to capture yet again. Now, I’m not an expert in Genghis Khan’s early life but as a film this simple structure of escaping and being caught keeps repeating over and over again until the viewer cannot help but wonder just how this figure managed to unite Mongolia since he spends more than half the film as a slave.

This is the film’s biggest faux pas. Although it’s refreshing to watch young Temudjin grow up, director and writer Sergei Bodrov rarely provides insight as to how he learned military strategy or political acumen that enabled him to rise above all the other Mongol warlords. For such a brutal warrior the film constantly has trouble showcasing him as having any sort of emotional response. As played by Japanese actor Tadanobu Asano, the adult version of Temudjin seems incredibly relaxed, laid back and carrying a heavy air of honour and regal grace. His spirit is completely at ease with an almost Zen-like peacefulness even when he finds himself rotting in a Tangut prison cell, his skin parched and peeling off in flakes. This sort of detached personality seems at odds with his military endeavors that are extremely ignored. The only way the audience can tell that he is a master strategist is because his opponents inform us in lines of dialogue that basically give praise to him.

For a figure universally admired as a capable warrior and leader but also vehemently despised as a genocidal mass murderer that caused much destruction around the world it is very tough to match this view with Asano’s depiction of the honourable warrior. It’s as if the filmmakers have decided to put on rose-coloured glasses and elevate his stature past the point of believability into an almost Jesus-like figure.

Little is actually known about ancient Mongolian history as most of it was passed through oral traditions. In terms of written accounts there’s precious few so there seems to be a lot of leeway that director Bodrov can use to fill in gaps but he does so with some suspect sequences that play up the spiritual world that borders on science fiction mysticism. Locked in a wooden slave contraption around his neck that also binds his hands young Temudjin makes his way to a sacred stone temple and prays to the God Tengri to give him strength to persevere. After a few shots of a striking gray wolf Bodrov cuts back to Temudjin who is suddenly free of the slave device. Did God intervene? Did the wolf bite it off? We’ll never know but this sort of blatant divine intervention should not belong in a historical movie.

This concept of the divine also shows up at the climax as two opposing Mongol armies clash yet Temudjin wins precisely because the Gods help him. It also pops up during a key moment when Temudjin returns to the sacred stone temple to tell the God Tengri the beginnings of his famous Yassa, the Mongolian code of law that he creates to govern and unify his people. All these scenes are not properly set up and merely appear as separate instances with no background. Watching Temudjin recite his code of conduct to the Gods comes off as incredibly unconvincing since the movie had never previously shown us enough evidence to lead him to these conclusions. Even Borte is involved in these divine maneuverings as she somehow knows that a monk has died in the middle of the desert and magically finds his body in the vast wasteland. Maybe she’s in tune with The Force?

Some of the events that the film makes great pains to highlight would cause any contemporary man, or woman, to feel a rush of uneasiness and downright disgust. Most of these revolve around Temudjin’s wife Borte who routinely undergoes humiliating bouts of sleeping with other men. Now, the film does present reasons for each instance but most telling is Temudjin’s complete nonchalant reaction to these discoveries. In short, he doesn’t care one bit that his first two children are not his – one fathered from the Merkit tribe, which killed his dad and the other from a wealthy Tangut merchant who saved Borte in the desert. Temudjin is a paragon of virtue here and takes both kids under his wing without a moment’s hesitation even though his followers deride him behind his back.

The film spends an inordinate amount of time showcasing Temudjin’s complete devotion to Borte yet lags in his relationship to other key figures such as his blood brother Jamukha. When Borte is captured by the Merkits, Temudjin has no choice but to go to Jamukha and ask for help. At first Jamukha is unconvinced even chastising his friend for forcing a war over a woman yet he eventually relents. They eventually manage to defeat the Merkits and save Borte but Temudjin leaves silently in the night taking some of Jamukha’s finest warriors with him. An infuriated Jamukha rides to Temudjin and demands to know why he has done this whereupon Temudjin calmly states that any Mongol has the right to choose his leader. Sun Honglei as Jamukha is a breath of fresh air taking a one-dimensional role and giving it much needed oomph with bone cracking snarls, guttural singing and piercing stares that the audience expects from Genghis Khan not his rival.

This causes a split between the two and sets up their rivalry for leadership of Mongolia but the film never delves further into this angle which might had added some needed spark to the proceedings instead shunting it aside until the slapdash final battle where the two face off against one another.

This final battle relies heavily on CG to enhance the size of armies and add weather effects but it is incredibly obvious and intrusive especially when the clouds suddenly darken and lightning descends onto the battlefield. Not to mention, it looks as if the entire population of Mongolia has shown up as the armies stretch for miles. I can understand ending the movie on a rousing note but for a film that rarely showed more than two or three people on screen at the same time it’s completely jarring.

Bodrov’s editing is also very blunt and though most can easily understand what is happening the time lapses between scenes escalates until it becomes a detriment to the narrative. After escaping from the Tangut prison with the help of his wife the two embark on a sex scene that is not at all needed followed by the reunited family frolicking amongst a field of grass. Borte knows that Temudjin is going to leave and he does and then suddenly we cut to the future final battle between Temudjin and Jamukha without ever showing the audience how an escaped slave managed to cobble together a fully armored fighting force.

The movie’s only two saving graces are an incredibly poignant score by Tuomas Kantelinen and the aforementioned stunning scenery. Filmed mostly in China in the province of Inner Mongolia the gloriously bleak landscapes become another character by themselves and do more to show the harsh existence of ancient Mongol life than the machinations of the narrative. Watching the barren arid landscape, rock-strewn ground and brutal winter condition drives home the astounding fact that such a hardy people rose up to follow Genghis Khan on a drive for global hegemony even though their homeland is almost unlivable.

Sadly, the film does not present a compelling picture of the great warrior, reducing him to a mere passive observer instead of steely willed leader. Without attempting to explain and show how he rose to prominence it turns the movie into one that basically comes down to fate and destiny that chose him for this monumental task. Even worse, whatever military strategy is on display is completely suspect. Instead of utilizing his famed horse archers the film instead replaces them with cavalry that wield two swords that basically cut a path through the opposing army by galloping straight ahead with their outstretched arms killing everyone who doesn’t have the brains to just avoid them.

Do yourself a favor if you really want to know history – go and read historical texts or the numerous books written on Genghis Khan. Even though this is a multinational production it falls prey to too many inconsistencies and Hollywood styled platitudes.

** out of ****

2008, Kazakhstan, 126 minutes, R, Picturehouse Entertainment
Directed by Sergei Bodrov
Screenplay by Arif Aliyev & Sergei Bodrov
Produced by Sergei Bodrov, Anton Melnik, Sergei Selyanov
Executive Producer: Bob Berney, Bulat Galimgereyev, Alec Schulmann
Original Music by Tuomas Kantelinen
Cinematography by Rogier Stoffers & Sergey Trofimov
Film Editing by Valdís Óskarsdóttir & Zach Staenberg

Temudjin: Tadanobu Asano
Jamukha: Honglei Sun
Börte: Khulan Chuluun
Oelun - Temudjin's Mother: Aliya
Esugei - Temudjin's Father: Ba Sen
Targutai: Amadu Mamadakov
Merchant with Golden Ring: Ying Bai
Dai-Sechen: He Qi
Monk: Ben Hon Sun
Boorchu: Ji Ri Mu Tu

© 2009 The Galactic Pillow

Food - Ajisen Ramen Review

2009-05-20T10:45:00.001-04:00

In my previous blog about food I touched upon the one accidental restaurant that my wife and I always seem to end up going to. This time around I’m going to focus on my wife’s favourite fast food restaurant which, we found completely be chance. These are always the best finds and though they often turn out being unpalatable there is a chance that you will find something refreshing.

Growing up in Toronto, Canada, I’ve been exposed to many fast food restaurants, all of which are western chains such as your usual suspects like McDonalds, Burger King, Taco Bell and KFC. I don’t think there are many people around the world who would never have heard about any of these. Then you have those franchises that are a step up like Swiss Chalet, TGIF, and Pizza Hut. All of them have their own advantages depending on your current culinary mood. I sincerely doubt that those professional food critics will not find something to their liking in all these joints. Then again, not knowing any professional food critics, maybe they go out of their way to avoid these establishments.

So what about franchises that are not Western in nature? Even though Toronto is the most culturally diverse city in the world (yes, I know technically Miami has a higher ethnic population but the bulk of those are Latinos whereas Toronto is amazingly split into many different groups), there aren’t too many big food franchises based here that specialize and originally come from other parts of the world.

So why this preamble on non-western food chains? Well, that’s because my wife’s favourite fast food restaurant originates from Japan and it so happens to have taken root here in Toronto. Yes, that’s like someone from China saying their favourite joint was McDonalds. I shiver at the thought. Like so often happens, we were one day driving home and spotted a new restaurant that had opened. It wasn’t so much the look of the restaurant that made us excited but rather the name that gave it away.

The store in question is called, Ajisen Ramen, originally from Kumamoto, Japan and its speciality is ramen. Yup, simple ramen.

For the uninitiated, ramen is basically noodles and soup, the base of which is usually meat-based. To this is added a variety of toppings such as pork, beef, seaweed, green onions, cabbage, or corn. Ramen originally came from China although through the years the Japanese have refined and modified the recipes into many different permutations. If one goes to Japan you can find ramen stores just about anywhere including crowded locations such as subway terminals where you see business men and women eating bowls while standing up – they are obviously pressed for time. Ramen is featured prominently in Japanese animation (anime) and is treated as fast food. Turn on your local broadcast of Naruto for instance and you can always see the title character longing for his favourite noodle dish.

Now my wife loves going to Japan for what reason I don’t know – might be the shopping? Anyhow, she’s always loved ramen so imagine our excitement when we realized a new ramen store was opening up right here in our home city. Of course, we had to try it a.s.a.p.

With over 120 stores, Ajisen Ramen has quickly expanded to include tons of locations in mainland China, Hong Kong, Singapore, Taiwan, Phillipines and Malaysia. It even has stores in Australia and the United States. I must admit I have not tried any of these other locations but by chance my wife and I managed to find one, in all places, in Changi International Airport Terminal 3 in Singapore. Unfortunately, I was not feeling too well that day and could not order anything but luckily my wife had no such impediments and merrily ordered a steaming hot bowl of ramen.

Ajisen Ramen’s big draw is its soup which is not clear but a milky white. I remember our first time there thinking, “What type of soup is this??” as I had never seen ramen cooked in broth that resembled this. Sure, I have had miso based soup before but even that has a different texture. Imagine my surprise when I tasted the soup and found it tasted very rich, a bit salty but satisfyingly smooth. The salt level is above average which probably makes people think it comes from a powder but after tasting it more than a hundred times I don’t think this is the case.

According to the literature, the soup gets its unique look and taste by boiling pork bones until the broth turns white. One can only imagine what sort of minerals and nutrients are added by the bones dissolving in this process yet one can’t deny it definitely makes for a tasty broth.

The noodles themselves are not what you usually expect as they are not udon or soba but rather have a texture more resembling spaghetti. This gives the noodles an unexpected firmness that compliments the soup very well. I am not a lover of mushy noodles and I can’t stand it when I overcook instant noodles in a pot or go to an Italian restaurant only to find my linguine is as limp as a wet towel. The closest description I can think of is “Al Dante” in that the noodles are firm but neither too hard nor too soft.

Nearly all the ramen choices come with either a half-egg boiled in soya sauce or a healthy helping of bean sprouts. When the store initially opened they used cabbage but they changed it to bean sprouts after a while probably due to customer feedback. I didn’t mind the cabbage but bean sprouts are fine for me as well although there are times when I think too many sprouts alter and dilute the taste of the soup base. Depending on my mood this is not such a big deal unless I get too many sprouts but all I have to do is deposit them on a side plate anyhow.

Though the soup and the noodles are the most important in ramen one shouldn’t forget the toppings as plain soup and noodles can get a bit mundane. Ajisen Ramen has quite a large variety of noodle choices that will satisfy a wide range of palettes ranging from different meats like chicken, beef and lamb to seafood like scallops and shrimp to completely vegetarian. Usually, these toppings are placed right on top of your noodles and soup unless you order something like the chicken teriyaki which comes on a separate plate.

--------Ajisen Ramen's Pork Ramen---------

My personal favourite is the Beef Teppanyaki Noodles ($7.95 CAD) that adds grilled peppered beef on top of the soup. I just find that the subtle taste of the beef teppanyaki soaks into the soup below slightly altering but accentuating the flavour. My wife’s dish of choice is probably the pork ramen ($7.95 CAD) which adds extremely thinly sliced pieces of pork that have their edges grilled, not too hard, but enough to see them blacken, to the soup. These thinly sliced pieces of pork almost literally melt in your mouth as they are extremely tender.

That’s not all my wife likes though. She likes things HOT – not temperature hot although that’s a must for ramen, but hot as in chilli. First, it must be said that lukewarm ramen is a huge turn off and any store which doesn’t properly heat their soup base is just looking to drive customers away. Thankfully, Ajisen Ramen has piping hot soup which works well especially when the Canadian winter arrives and temperatures plunge well below zero Celsius.

So to the pork ramen, my wife always orders a side dish of spicy pork. You can get spicy pork as well in Ajisen Spicy Pork Ramen ($7.50 CAD) but this dish doesn’t include the thin pork instead substituting it with rounded thicker slices of pork where you can see a layer of fat. This is also appetizing although the texture is much meatier than the thin slices. Now my wife can eat hot food and so can I although my own level of chilli tolerance is much lower. I remember clearly that during my first visit to Ajisen Ramen I ordered the Spicy Pork Ramen thinking that it would not be hot and boy was I in for a shock. To my complete surprise it is incredibly pungent and biting. This is way beyond Tabasco sauce and tastes much fiercer than raw Jalapeno peppers. In short, be prepared and don’t order it if you are adverse to eating spicy foods.

Ajisen Ramen offers four levels of hotness (50, 100, 150, 200) indicated by number from lowest being mild to highest being almost hellish. 50 and 100 I can handle but 150 and 200 is scorching but my wife doesn’t blink an eye. If this is your first time there you can ask the server to give this to you in a separate bowl which makes things much easier as you can pick and choose how much to add to your ramen at any given point in time. If not, they will add it straight into your ramen which drastically increases its potency.

Also included in the menu are some appetizers that range from dumpling gyoza to cucumber and crab meat salads. Most of these are your standard fare and make a good compliment to your bowl of ramen. There is sushi on the menu but these are not your typical sushi rolls with raw fish but rather different concoctions that center more on seaweed and cucumber. Don’t expect raw fish or sashimi here.

You can also change the soup if you want as they offer a miso broth instead. I am not a fan of miso broth in general so although I tried it I much prefer the original soup base.

If ramen is not your thing the restaurant also serves rice dishes although I have never tried any of them. From what I could see these include your standard Japanese-style curry dishes as well as beef and chicken staples. Then again, if you don’t like ramen why would you go to a store that specializes in ramen in the first place?

Finally, as for beverages, you can order your usual soft drinks and ice tea but the Yonge Street Ajisen Ramen location offers Chinese Bubble Tea for a discount if you order it with your meal.

In terms of a bill, depending on what you order, lunch or dinner for two which includes just two bowls of ramen will set you back around $14-16 without tax. Add an appetizer and two soft drinks and you’re looking at around $25 which is not a bad deal considering the quantity is quite big as the ramen bowls are rather large.

In terms of decor, both Toronto locations feature shocking pink chairs and giant Japanese style handpainted wall murals. Each location also has an assortment of ramen bowls on display on wall shelves. It’s a comfortable atmosphere although you can’t say that this is fine dining. This is, afterall, a fast food restaurant where you expect customers to finish their ramen in around 30 minutes. Just be warned that the location at Warden and Steeles is not very large and is usually packed during lunch hours so getting a seat might take a while if you go during those hours. The second location at Yonge and Finch is much more spacious although parking is usually on the main street.

Ajisen Ramen might be known as a fast food chain in vast parts of Asia but it still goes down well and the rather odd combination of Al Dante noodles and pork bone broth works wonders giving the ramen its own unique taste while providing customers a satisfying meal. I know after this review my wife will probably ask me to go back a.s.a.p. and I for one don’t mind one bit.

***1/2 out of ****

Two Toronto Locations:

5229 Yonge St.
Just North of North York Center
416.223.0618

7010 Warden Ave., Unit 23
NW corner of Warden Ave. & Steeles
905.470.6318

Note: Whoever designed the ventilation system in the Yonge store needs to have his head examined as I constantly find cold air blasting down on me while sitting in the booth – not bad unless it’s the middle of winter!

Movie - Quantum of Solace Review

2009-05-14T15:10:00.000-04:00

Much like a certain suave secret agent, Quantum of Solace’s technical merits are impeccable with enormous attention focused on sumptuous location shooting, exquisite costumes and jaw dropping action sequences. Unfortunately, this recipe is missing one key ingredient – namely a coherent and riveting plot. After the enormously successful reboot of the James Bond franchise in Martin Campbell’s Casino Royale both expectations and hype were sky-high for its sequel Quantum of Solace.

Quantum is the first true follow-up to a previous Bond movie continuing the storyline left hanging at the end of Casino Royale but unlike its predecessor which managed to be both insightful and entertaining, the new movie feels rushed with too much emphasis on outright kinetic action and an ill-advised move to excessive shaky-cam and rapid editing that does more harm than good completely draining tension and torpedoing any attempt to construct simple spatial relation.

Bond is back and he’s pissed. This much is obvious. After being betrayed by his former lover, Vesper Lynn, in the previous movie Bond embarks on a worldwide hunt for revenge with as much subtlety as a barreling bulldozer. In fact, the film begins literally minutes after the end of Casino Royale with the customary pre-title action sequence this time featuring a car chase through some beautiful Italian scenery. Of course, it also features an action genre staple where the villains can’t shoot the broadside of a barn even when armed with a repertoire of machine guns.

Soon after, Bond begins his worldwide journey by attempting to track down the elusive Quantum organization (visions of SPECTRE anyone?) that seems to have moles in nearly every government agency on the planet. This leads Bond to Bolivia where the plot finally kicks in as antagonist and Quantum member extraordinaire Dominic Greene (Mathieu Amalric) is revealed to be in the process of regime change and seeks to become the countries’ chief provider of fresh water at an obviously bloated price.

Much has been said about Daniel Craig as the new James Bond and while he basically reinvigorated the role from scratch in his first outing giving the character a wonderful melding of untamed brutality coupled with surprisingly thoughtful insecurities this time he turns in an incredibly one-dimensional robotic performance. It’s as if both Craig and director Marc Forster have decided to just hone in on his violent rage and ignore everything else. While this works for an unthinking killing machine it creates an odd dichotomy for the audience as they are basically rooting for an unfeeling lout to clobber his way to the goal regardless of ramification. Craig’s Bond is still as raw as sashimi and has no tact whatsoever making his actions akin to a common thug. This is not Pierce Brosnan or Roger Moore who attempted more stealthy infiltrations or when that failed, employed their ample charisma to cajole or seduce needed targets.

While Craig’s manic energy is initially refreshing it quickly devolves into an odd joke or two as M chastises her agent for killing first and asking questions later but after the umpteenth time it occurs it veers into outright farce. We get that Bond is hell-bent on revenge but certainly the basic fundamentals of interrogating the suspect first to obtain relevant information still applies. It doesn’t make much sense for Bond to go on a killing spree and then conveniently find clues that the victim has left behind that lead him in the correct direction.

While Casino Royale had a much tougher job of reintroducing a new Bond and a refreshingly multilayered take on the series the sequel seems content to be nothing more than your rote action spectacle. Gone are the intricate character studies or internal conflicts replaced with a series of increasingly incongruous stunts. In fact, the first third of the film is so chock full of successive action routines that it becomes increasingly mind numbing. Craig certainly has the gravitas and the physicality down pat but having him run around like a loose cannon without rhyme or reason is not enough to keep the audience involved.

I can’t remember a previous Bond movie that concentrated this much on outright action and it even prompted my wife to remark, “There’s a lot of action so I guess the plot hasn’t started yet.” Just look at the first act and follow along with the action bouncing ball here – you get a car chase opening; a truly awful and uninspired opening theme song along with one of the most visually stunted opening credit sequences; an extended chase featuring Bond and a MI6 mole that starts amidst the sewers and manages to traverse rooftops and even the Siena horse running race; Bond arriving in Haiti whereby he gets into a brutal fistfight with the person he should interrogate; finally going to a nearby pier and meeting Bond girl Camille (Olga Kurylenko) whereby the duo get involved in a long speedboat action spectacle. All this in the first 30 minutes before Bond flies to Austria and has the entire evil scheme exposed to him in a perfunctory theatrical performance at the stunning Bregenzer festival within the Seebühne theatre that sits on a lake. Real life detectives and secret agents would be so lucky to have the entire nefarious scheme plainly told to them without an ounce of sleuthing.

Make no mistake, even if you love exciting sequences this is excessive and glosses over the fact that when the true narrative thrust appears it’s so underdeveloped and ignored that it basically makes little sense. While it is refreshing to see a villain whose scheme is not an overtly megalomaniacal one based on taking over the world or deploying some sort of super powered weapon like a space laser, Quantum’s machinations to basically monopolize Bolivia’s water supply are about as exciting as Craig’s taciturn visage throughout the movie. The film makes a rather unconvincing attempt at displaying world geopolitics in motion vis a vis the CIA knowing about Quantum’s regime change tactic but it’s never expanded upon except to show morally upstanding American agent Felix Leiter (Jeffrey Wright) warn Bond of his own countries’ greed.

Screenwriters Paul Haggis, Neal Purvis and Robert Wade do attempt some salient juxtapositions such as the one between new girl, Camille (Olga Kurylenko) and Bond himself both of which are motivated by a strong sense of vengeance for past deeds. The issue however, is in its execution as expository screentime is as sparse as water in a desert. Though Kurylenko makes a fetching partner, the film makes the error of introducing her and then proceeding to split the duo apart for a huge section of the film as Bond goes off on his own tangent. Along the way he meets the requisite second girl, this time a British consulate aide named Strawberry Fields (Gemma Arterton) who seems thrown into the mix for no discernable reason but to give Bond a chance to bed someone. I must admit that the particular sequence in question is one of the most awkwardly dim-witted romantic teases I’ve ever seen and boils down to Bond saying, “I can’t find any stationary,” while giving Agent Fields a teasing glance. 30 seconds later while the duo are in bed she’s already lamenting that she was too weak to resist his overture. Now, why didn’t I use that excuse back in high school? Who would have thought that the lack of paper would act like a babe magnet? If only I had a time machine…

Of course, we all know the formula and what happens to Bond’s secondary girls and in a homage to previous films Quantum doesn’t disappoint except for the fact that the reveal comes off as stilted and leaves no impression whatsoever. Without ruining the scene just compare it to its more famous counterpart and you’ll be left with the impression that the screenwriters threw it in as nothing more than a token wink.

Being a direct sequel the movie also is heavily reliant on knowledge from the previous film. In short, those who never saw Casino Royale are going to feel incredibly lost amongst the various plot threads that openly link back to Craig’s Bond debut. While one can attempt to watch outright action there’s just no way that someone will get engaged with Bond’s revenge motive without an understanding of what got him to this position in the first place. Not to mention, other Casino Royale elements are included such as the character of René Mathis (Giancarlo Giannini) whom Bond contacts as a last resort while on the run from MI6. Without knowing his connection to Bond most viewers will likely scratch their heads wondering just who this person is and why he’s important to the redemption undertones.

The best Bond movies feature a convincing villain who matches wits mano a mano with our hero. This time around Dominic Greene’s Mathieu Amalric is nothing more than a weaselly corporate suit more at ease with political machinations than physical violence. Not since Jonathan Pryce’s media mogul turn in Tomorrow Never Dies has a Bond villain been this non-threatening. That is not to say Greene is phoning in his performance as there’s nothing wrong with a paper pusher but without a significant heavy as a sidekick or bodyguard at his side watching Greene flail away with a hatchet in a vain attempt to kill Bond is like watching an ant facing off against the sole of your steel toe boot. Not to mention, due to Bond’s bull in a China shop mentality he never manages to dig deeper into Quantum to discover just what exactly the fate of the free world is up against. I suppose that will be left for the inevitable sequel.

Director Marc Forster was an odd choice to helm this movie but his past work on truly dramatic films such as Monster’s Ball or Stranger Than Fiction that coaxed intimately restrained yet poignant performances out of Halle Berry and even the usually manic Will Farrell bode well for Quantum as most expected him to focus on character drama. Yet, he has done the polar opposite and turned his attention to action leaving his stylistic background on the editing floor. The result can tactfully be called an incoherent jumble with a high degree of rapid cuts and machine gun edits that basically shred any action sequence into millisecond shots that carry no significance. Even a basic car chase that opens the film is rendered impossible to follow as Forster never bothers to slow his editing down to give the audience a better idea of the location. Each car involved begins to resemble the other every so often intercut with a close up of Craig’s sweaty face as he attempts to weave his way through the traffic. Wider establishing shots are woefully underused instead replaced by countless tight shots of henchmen aimlessly shooting rounds or wheels spinning on the concrete.

Some of the action indeed also makes little sense such as the spectacular hotel in the middle of the desert that blows up in sequence as each room detonates as if on a timer even though a violent fire is suppose to be raging in the entire structure or the plane chase through deserted canyons that does nothing but further emphasize how bad a shot Bond villains truly are. Of note to producers, please keep excessive CG out of a movie as much as possible or use some nifty stunt teams as watching atrociously formatted green screen work in a movie that is suppose to highlight realism seem hypocritical.

Perhaps Quantum’s biggest faux pas is that it just does not feel at all like a James Bond movie. Replace Daniel Craig with Jason Statham and you’d barely notice. It’s commendable that the filmmakers are trying to shy away from Bond stereotypes such as an excessive use of gadgets, location shoots that make you want to run out and book your next vacation, or Bond bedding a hundred women but by stripping all of these aesthetics away the audience is left with a movie that could feature Jean Claude Van Damme or Steven Seagal albeit with a bigger budget. What exactly are the producers trying to say to the public when one of their major selling points boils down to Bond girl Camille being the first woman that Bond does not seduce? Is that such a big deal in this day and age? There’s nothing wrong with a true partnership amongst equals but Camille is no cold-blooded killer differing to Bond for advice during tough situations. Olga Kurylenko certainly exudes enough sexual energy and poutiness to melt an iceberg and makes a good companion for Bond but her lack of overall screentime and presence that does not affect the overall plot make one yearn for a better narrative that could better integrate her character into the proceedings.

Taken as nothing more than a standard action ensemble, Quantum of Solace might pass the mustard but coming after the vaunted Casino Royale this is a massive step backwards. Bond fans shouldn’t fret as this is not on the level of Timothy Dalton’s disastrous License to Kill but they should at least be concerned with the overall direction of the franchise if the producers veer the formula into being nothing more than a mainstream action blockbuster. Lacking any sort of dry wit or marked sense of exuberance this Bond is incredibly stale and lifeless. Although it has a short 106 minute running time it certainly feels as if three monotonous hours of ill-conceived action that is suppose to excite has instead taken a jack hammer to your brain leaving you less than content and most wanting to make a bee line to your local pharmacist for a large dose of aspirin.

** out of ****

2008, USA/UK, 106 Minutes, PG-13, MGM
Directed by Marc Forster
Screenplay by Paul Haggis, Neal Purvis, Robert Wade
Produced by Barbara Broccoli & Michael G. Wilson
Executive producer: Callum McDougall & Anthony Waye
Original Music by David Arnold
Cinematography by Roberto Schaefer
Film Editing by Matt Chesse & Richard Pearson

James Bond: Daniel Craig
Camille: Olga Kurylenko
Dominic Greene: Mathieu Amalric
M: Judi Dench
René Mathis: Giancarlo Giannini
Strawberry Fields: Gemma Arterton
Felix Leiter: Jeffrey Wright
Gregg Beam: David Harbour
Mr. White: Jesper Christensen
Elvis: Anatole Taubman
Bill Tanner: Rory Kinnear
Foreign Secretary: Tim Pigott-Smith
General Medrano: Joaquín Cosio
Colonel of Police: Fernando Guillén Cuervo
Lieutenant Orso: Jesús Ochoa
Gemma: Lucrezia Lante della Rovere
Henry Mitchell: Glenn Foster
Guy Haines: Paul Ritter

© 2009 The Galactic Pillow

Movie - Star Trek (2009) Review

2009-05-08T02:43:00.003-04:00

For those who are impatiently waiting my review of J.J. Abrams’ Star Trek movie I present the following mini review in two simple lines.

Is it good? Yes.

Is it better than the all time franchise standard bearer, Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan? No.

Satisfied?

Seriously, that said, J.J. Abrams has managed the near impossible feat of crafting a movie that will please both diehard fans and complete neophytes. Those who have been following this blog for a while will undoubtedly realize what a huge Trekkie I am and though my bias towards the series has had me tooting the horn to promote this movie I must admit that I had a deep inherent fear that the end result would insult my intelligence or just plain pull my chain the wrong way. Please excuse the following jumbled up stream of consciousness review that follows. I usually let a movie percolate in my head for some time sorting through my thoughts before putting them down on a piece of paper, or in this case, Microsoft Word. In the interest of expediency I’m writing this particular review only a few hours after catching the May 7th, 7pm showing of the movie and if I sound as if I’m occasionally rambling or that it contains more typos or grammatical errors than usual I apologize in advance.

Without giving away a single spoiler all I can say is that diehard purist Trekkies who only obsess about Kirk’s safe combination or the angle and size of the Enterprise’s warp nacelles and spend hours debating the relative merits of the Prime Directive might be in for some major seismic shocks to the system. Frankly, Abrams and his creative writing team have concocted a surprisingly effective solution based on real scientific theory that gives them full creative license to basically discard and jettison huge chunks of Trek lore to make way for this new iteration. It is actually so simple it’s a wonder no one bothered to think about it or actually enact it before.

When the commercial spouts, “This is NOT your father’s Star Trek,” it’s not lying. This is in fact an alternate universe which has been forcibly created as a result of some major time travelling that changes the timeline Trekkies have known into this new creation. Yet it also means that the original timeline has not been destroyed at all and that everything we’ve grown up with as Trek history still exists and that all Abram’s is doing is shifting the perspective from the old timeline to the newly created one.

This simple explanation, obviously espoused during the film, should satisfy most fans who don’t really want to see 40 years of previous lore blown to bits by this move. As an aside I have to really recommend all Trekkies read the Countdown comic book prequel that was released before this movie written by Bob Orci and Alex Kurtzman who both wrote the screenplay. It works as a bridge between the last film Star Trek Nemesis and ends literally seconds before this new movie begins. The comic provides the Next Generation crew an excellent send off and manages to fill in the gaps that lead straight into the opening shot right after the Paramount logo appears.

For myself all these changes turn out mostly for the better as they add a palpable sense of awe and suspense that would not be present if the filmmakers just decided to follow along with established Trek history. For those fans who demand nothing but pure adherence to canon this movie is going to be grating as just about everything you’ve learned about Kirk and Spock’s past has been altered.

My simple advice to all Trekkies is this – watch the movie and don’t worry about Kirk not being a Lieutenant on the USS Farragut. Chuck away the image of Captain Pike stuck in that silly plywood wheelchair with the blinking lights indicating a yes or a no. Conversely, wipe your brain of that silly notion that Spock had served with Pike for years before Kirk took over. Although we Trekkies that have followed the classic series for years have dreamed about these scenarios before the simple fact is that they are not present in Abrams’ version of things. If you can’t accept that and deem it heresy that this has been allowed to happen then the only piece of advice I can give is to just not watch the film as you’d end up seething about how things have supposedly changed for the worse.

To everyone else who are more open minded, Star Trek circa 2009 is a rip roaring science fiction spectacle full of innovative camera work, top notch visual effects, rousing soundtrack and most important of all, a pitch-perfect cast that recalls the original cast yet carves out their own paths. Set to a blisteringly paced cadence that never pauses for a breath J.J. Abram’s vision of Trek is stunning to behold. The movie itself clocks in at 126 minutes but it feels like a slim 90 precisely because Abram’s never lets up on the gas pedal. I sincerely cannot recall a recent movie that has had such an inherently fast pace as this film yet it never sinks to having an unending chain of action sequences that have unfortunately plagued many films of late (I’m looking at you Quantum of Solace!) that mask their wafer-thin plots with pointless fisticuffs or redundant chases.

The movie begins with a truly emotionally effective pre-title sequence much like those that occur during James Bond films albeit laced with a gripping subtext that brackets the action. A small Federation ship called the USS Kelvin is merrily cruising by a huge and surprisingly violently animated sun when out of nowhere a giant rift in space opens in front of her revealing a menacing monstrosity of a ship inspired by H.R. Geiger with tentacle arms and jagged edges. Before the Kelvin can properly react it comes under heavy fire pummelling the ship in seconds. As the attack ends a Romulan named Nero appears on screen demanding their surrender and orders the Kelvin’s Captain named Robau (Faran Tahir) to come over to his ship. Totally outgunned Robau gets into a shuttle and leaves command of the ship to his first officer, George Kirk (Chris Hemsworth). Needless to say negotiations don’t go well and soon George Kirk finds himself in a no-win scenario so he orders everyone to abandon ship including his pregnant wife who is in the midst of child birth.

This 10-12 minute segment is stunning in simplicity basically showcasing the rather mournful birth of a major character that is buffeted by some truly heart-wrenching melodrama yet it works wonders as it sets the tone for the overall movie. Right from the opening shot of the camera lovingly panning over the Kelvin’s hull it is obvious that you’ve never seen Star Trek done like this before. Everything feels so fresh and dynamic that for this long time Trekkie it was initially disorienting watching the rapid-fire cuts, exorbitant use of lens flares and tight angles of both machinery and characters that never have been seen before in this franchise. Imagine if the cameraman from the Jason Bourne series showed up on the set and started filming and you’d only be beginning to get an idea of how the photography has changed. Previous Trek’s had a high degree of theatricality to them with a large amount of static camera work. Abram’s has ditched all that relying on steady cams with a high degree of wobble that make everything feel as if the audience is part of a news camera crew covering a major war. The only downside to this technique is that Abrams chooses not to include too many grand establishing shots content to use tight angles that are sometimes majorly disorienting.

Then there’s the actual sets themselves that scream new design with high tech being melded with surprisingly low tech – the bridge of the Kelvin and later the Enterprise is teaming with LCD displays and feature viewscreens with multiple HUDs and graphical overlays whereas the engineering rooms are jarringly filled with industrial tubes and pipes as if you were in a brewery. Joking aside, it is a brewery! Abrams and crew actually went to these places and filmed there and if there’s one sour note from the production design it’s that the two sets don’t really mesh well. It’s kind of hard to believe that key locations such as the bridge or sick bay look like futuristic locales but the poor engine room looks like the bowels of the Yamato circa World War 2. Then again this little nitpick in no way ruins the film as the action is incredibly hectic and you rarely get a chance to savour any location you’re in as Abrams keeps his camera constantly moving. On the other hand I really wish I had this on Blu-ray so I could pause and savour the intricately detailed sets and revel in the superlative effects work.

The first third of the film is a rather satisfying look into the early life of both Kirk and Spock and how the two grew up in totally different environments nicely labelled for newcomers as Iowa and Vulcan. Without a father, Kirk (Chris Pine) grows up as a rebellious James Dean whose only goal is girls and cheap thrills until a pivotal encounter with Captain Pike (Bruce Greenwood) inspires him to join Starfleet. Spock (Zachary Quinto) has a totally different set of issues being a half-breed of both Vulcan and Human blood his childhood is filled with constant taunting decrying his mixed heritage that not only comes from kids but the supreme council as well. This in turn spurs Spock to join Starfleet instead of the Vulcan science academy.

J.J. Abram’s movie is no doubt an origin yarn and although it manages to deftly showcase all the major characters the focus is firmly on the budding relationship between Kirk and Spock. Some online commentators have funnily labelled their friendship as the first “bromance” but that’s something I’d rather leave in the hands of those who write their own fanfiction. Regardless, the original angle in this movie is that both these characters initially detest one another and that the narrative thrust from that point on is merely about how they come to admire the other. Indeed, this is the heart of the tale and it plainly works. Without revealing too much the screenwriters have concocted situations that at first rend them apart but as events unfold the duo come to the realization that they need each other.

Diehard Trekkies will undoubtedly fawn over many sequences that pop up such as the famed Kobayashi Maru exam simulator which Kirk easily beats while munching leisurely on an apple harkening directly to the famous scene in Trek 2 where Shatner’s Kirk does exactly the same apple munching as he cockily tells those near him that he doesn’t believe in a no-win scenario. Each character is given his or her time to shine and it’s no mean feat that Abrams managed to shoehorn every one of them in giving them just enough screentime to establish their characters.

In fact it seems that Abrams and screenwriters Roberto Orci and Alex Kurtzman have gone out of their way to include as many fan oriented moments as possible almost as if they had a massive checklist of items to go through. Many people in the audience during my screening reacted emphatically as each showed up none more so than when the “guy in the red shirt” appeared eliciting reams of laughter and cat calling. Throw in a green Orion babe who thankfully is not a slave this time, the use of original sound effects, ejecting the warp core(s) and a bevy of easily recognizable catch phrases and it is obvious that this new behind the camera crew knows their lore. In fact both Orci and Kurtzman are fans themselves and it shows. When our beloved characters throw out a famous line you can’t help but smile that they’ve managed to incorporate it without bludgeoning it over your head. When Mccoy (Karl Urban) finally blurts, “I’m a doctor, not a physicist” everyone around me started to spontaneously cheer.

That said, whatever issues or reservations I previously had about this new cast are long gone. These young actors are the real deal nailing their characters with ease. The supporting cast all get their moments in the sun but huge kudos goes to Karl Urban who absolutely embodies the cantankerous Leonard McCoy to the T. Of all the new cast, Urban seems to be voodoo channelling the ghost of DeForest Kelley and comes off closest to the original actor. It almost makes you think that Kelley was his father as his mannerisms are bang on. I have no doubt that fans are most probably going to identify and warm to Urban the most. Simon Pegg as Scotty is a hoot although the script has him firmly in the token comic relief column. Still, he and Urban steal nearly all the scenes they are in which is no mean feat especially for Pegg who really doesn’t show up until the final third of the film. It should also come as no surprise that both Urban and Pegg are Trekkies in real life and seem to dial in immediately to what made those two characters tick.

Both Anton Yelchin as Checkov and John Cho as Sulu don’t get much screentime but I can see some audience members being a bit annoyed at Yelchin who really lays into a thick Russian accent that is almost always played for laughs whereas Cho focuses almost completely on Sulu’s physical proficiency with a blade. The easiest way to describe Yelchin would be to compare him to Wil Wheaton playing Wesley Crusher except with a Russian accent. John Cho doesn’t get much to do but his big fight scene with Kirk on a giant space drill is a hoot although JJ.Abram’s Star Wars roots undoubtedly pop up with Sulu’s version of a lightsaber. Still, it looks cool and that’s all that matters especially since it plays upon the image of George Takai’s glistening naked torso while brandishing a rapier in the original series.

The biggest booster in terms of screentime is undoubtedly Zoe Seldana’s Uhura who plays a surprisingly integral role in the emotional well-being of one of the main characters. To say more would spoil it but Seldana brings both her remarkably alluring image and a surprisingly heartfelt presence to the predominantly male cast. Think of her take on Uhura as a politically correct look at the modern woman who can easily take charge and assert herself on anyone regardless of age or gender. This is a professional who knows what she wants and pursues it with a vengeance.

I would be remiss not to mention the exceptional work of Bruce Greenwood as the Enterprise’s first Captain Christopher Pike. Whenever he’s on screen his considerable acting chops and authoritative demeanour cut an impressive figure and for once the filmmakers have to be applauded for actually showcasing other Starfleet Captains who aren’t total morons. It had become a bit of a joke especially with the later TV series and movies to see other fleet officers (remember Captain Harriman from Generations?) display a startling lack of command proficiency but both Pike and to a lesser extent the doomed Captain Robau of the USS Kelvin are exemplary leaders who instinctively know what to do even when confronted with dire straits. Whenever Greenwood is on screen you can almost watch in awe as he inspires the newer cast members to raise their game in order to play off him.

Other guest stars such as Ben Cross as Sarek and a surprisingly effective Winona Ryder as Spock’s mom, Amanda round out the superlative cast. Then there’s Leonard Nimoy as Spock Prime. What can I say that hasn’t been said before? Much like Sir Alec Guiness’ turn as Obi-Wan in the original Star Wars trilogy, Nimoy arrives and easily commands each scene he is involved in. However, this is clearly an aged Spock nearing the end of his days with an even higher maturity level (if that is possible) than previously seen and Nimoy makes this Spock into a wise sage yet you can see the added sparkle in his eye when he comes face to face with young Kirk or the pained expression of mournful sorrow flush over his visage after he witnesses a cataclysmic event. Although his inclusion might seem like nothing more than a throwaway bone to us diehard fans Nimoy was quite correct in stating that this role plays an important part in the narrative. In fact, what transpires in the movie is a direct result of Spock Prime’s actions in the future that lead to both him and Nero being sucked back in time into this new alternate universe.

That brings us undoubtedly and most crucially to both Chris Pine as Kirk and Zachary Quinto as Spock. It should come as no surprise that if these two weren’t convincing than the movie would plainly not work. Happily, they both completely nail it. Quinto absolutely shines as Spock with a skilful portrayal of a more unhinged version of everyone’s most popular Vulcan. His task in some ways is even greater than Pine’s precisely because he’s up against Leonard Nimoy as Spock Prime – the differences are plain to see but Quinto’s take on the character is a wonder to behold filled with more angst and internal turmoil than I’d ever expected to see. This Spock is clearly a conflicted individual who fights almost daily between his cool Vulcan logic and hot-blooded human passions and Quinto conveys this through skilful manipulation of subtle facial ticks and body language that suggest his ongoing struggle. With a piercing stare that straddles the razor’s edge between outward cool and inner frustration Quinto makes the character a joy to watch especially when presented with the film’s biggest shocks of which I will not reveal. It is safe to say that Quinto’s Spock goes through a bevy of emotional, heart-pounding u-turns that Nimoy’s version never had to, at least not all at once. Yet it is precisely this internal confusion that makes this young Spock so incredibly sympathetic and I’m sure audiences will agree.

Conversely, the relatively unknown Chris Pine embodies everything we’ve come to love about James Tiberius Kirk without Shatner’s overblown body language or unique vocal cadence. When Pine won the role he immediately went to watch previous episodes for inspiration but thankfully Abrams had the foresight to realize that to mimic Shatner was folly and would send the movie into a haphazard SNL type mimicry that would torpedo whatever atmosphere they were trying to achieve. William Shatner is William Shatner and there’s no point even trying to ape “the man.” Instead, Pine dials back the ham and focuses instead on making his Kirk a rebellious James Dean with a touch of Han Solo’s roguish charm. This is a Kirk that is rudderless without a coherent goal in life who yearns for something more but doesn’t know exactly yet where to channel his energy. Even after his fateful meeting with Captain Pike and his entry into Starfleet Academy he’s still chasing skirt and being overtly cocky and boisterous.

Thankfully, as the 2nd act begins Pine begins down the path to resembling the best Kirk traits often seen in Shatner’s take. While still resolute with his convictions he begins to realize that he needs to use the crew around him and foster their considerable talents and soon settles into the position of leadership that is his birthright. Surprisingly, Pine’s Kirk is the recipient of a lot of witty abuse by the screenwriters who play up the character’s cockiness level yet proceed to constantly deflate it by involving him in numerous pratfalls the most obvious example being McCoy’s hilarious plan to smuggle Kirk onto the Enterprise that leads to Kirk drooling like a dog, being blind in one eye, slurred speech and enlarged hands that plays up the campiness level to the nines. It’s a good thing though that Abrams has impeccable comic timing and never lets any of the jokes overstay their welcome as it would detract from the coming emotional heft.

On the technical front there’s no doubt that every last cent from the $150 million dollar budget has made it on screen. Not since Star Trek The Motion Picture has a Trek film looked so darned delicious replete with expansive sets and jaw-dropping CG this is a visual tour de force that will leave audiences breathless. I don’t necessarily hate CG but it really distracts when it is not done well. Here it’s absolutely seamless with numerous transitions between the sets and the sprawling space exteriors that are awe inspiring. Many have heard this before but I’ll say it again – this film is epic in all aspects from sweeping vistas showing futuristic San Francisco to the Coruscant inspired Vulcan that goes one better by actually having buildings hanging like stalactites. The art design is simply stunning.

Purists will probably blanch at the new USS Enterprise, she of newly muscular nacelles and a rather flattened secondary hull but I’m sold. Although I love Classic Trek it would have been folly to just ram the old model into today’s high-tech CG as it would have looked wholly out of place. This new Enterprise just screams power and the first time you see it Abrams even has the right idea to hug her lines as a shuttle flies over her hull. I’m not so sure about the size but it seems gigantic when on screen easily dwarfing other Federation ships. Yes, we do see a new space dock and other ships as well which is a nice treat that I was not expecting and the only downside being that I wish we saw more. What we get evokes the scene from Starship Troopers as the fleet set out to attack the bug planet of Klandathu. A high degree of kudos has to go to, of all things, the sound effect department which has used real science whenever possible such as during several highly realistic sequences that specifically feature the lack of sound in a vacuum. Take the well advertised space jump which has Kirk, Sulu and obligatory red shirt cadet jumping out of a moving shuttle into the atmosphere in an attempt to land on a small drilling platform hovering over a planet. When the trio leave the shuttle there’s a loud whoosh of escaping air followed by dead silence as they plummet toward the surface. As they get closer and closer and into the planetary air the sound effects begin to ramp up as air resistance kicks in until it’s howling like a raging tornado. Cool stuff.

Sticking with sound, long time J.J. Abrams collaborator Michael Giacchino takes over the musical reigns and churns out a remarkably Jerry Goldsmith inspired score that ranks up there with the best of all Trek soundtracks. Giacchino sticks to a relatively inspiring tune for Kirk but it’s his take on Spock that is the highlight here as I never thought anyone would use a Chinese erhu instrument (think Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon) to denote the air of Vulcan spiritualism. The two themes serve as further justification showcasing the differences in personality between Kirk and Spock with such opposite ends of the musical spectrum.

So what prevents this movie from overtaking or even matching Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan? Technically the new film is without equal but the one major ingredient that it lacks is a large dose of gravitas. This is not the fault of either the screenwriters or Abrams but it’s just not fair to compare what is essentially the new crew’s maiden voyage to that of one taking place after decades of camaraderie. What the new crew achieves in such a short time span is amazing and sets the ground work for the inevitable sequels but in terms of resonance it’s plainly lacking the incredible nuance and maturity found in Nicholas Meyer’s movie that also runs through the best of the original series. Perhaps the next J.J. Abram’s movie can start tackling deeper plots that elicit more emotional response than pure exhilaration during action sequences or loud laughs at the numerous jokes. The film’s pre-title sequence comes closest to evoking deep gut-wrenching emotions but even that can’t hold a candle to the way in which a major character passes on in Trek 2.

Conversely, with such a high emphasis on Kirk, Spock and the other five core characters there’s little time to develop Eric Bana’s Nero who comes across as nothing more than a snarling lout with a giant grudge. He’s no Ricardo Montalban as Khan and thus doesn’t present Kirk with a truly equal adversary leaving Nero as nothing more than a plot device to keep the movie moving forward. It’s not that Bana can’t act as he’s actually very commanding when on screen but he’s just not given enough screentime to establish more than his basic motivation – yet another reason I recommend fans read Countdown as Nero is much better fleshed out and understood if one knew his back-story. Still, requiring the audience to read a comic book before the movie is lazy filmmaking and I have seen that many in attendance at the screening were perplexed as to Nero’s motivation. Those who have read the comic will appreciate more what Eric Bana pulls off but for everyone else they are going to be scratching their heads wondering how he became so full of hate with a singular thirst for revenge.

Indeed, when the movie finally gets around to the major expository sequence told with panache through a Vulcan mind meld it’s actually too dense and compacted than it needs to be as it basically compresses the entire Countdown comic storyline that spans four issues into a scant five minute flashback. My wife did not grasp what was being shown and I have no doubt others in the audience are going to experience brain spasms as it spins a yarn full of technobabble featuring super novas, red matter, old Spock, Nero, Romulus, black holes and time travel. It’s never a good thing to leave the audience adrift at sea without a life preserver but this sequence is just not plotted out well enough for neophytes to follow along.

Abrams and the new Trek team behind the scenes have honed their focus into presenting a summer popcorn movie with a high degree of action and wit and although the way he brings the crew together evokes great “geekgasms” the usual Trek political allegories and grandiose morality tales are shunted to the background. That’s to be expected as this is supposed to be a movie that appeals to a large swath of the population that has no prior knowledge of the show but I sincerely hope Abrams brings in these larger themes in subsequent installments.

However, all that said the one area where this new Trek hits the most potholes is in its plot that relies heavily on sheer coincidence. Some might argue that Abrams is merely highlighting the fact that forces of destiny are at play that clearly dictate that even though the timeline has been altered that these people were meant to meet and become the crew we love the fact remains that large parts of the movie hinge on seemingly random twists of fate that, at times, will make you raise a Vulcan eyebrow in disbelief. Having key characters meet on desolated ice planets that resemble Hoth from the Empire Strikes Back by stumbling into one another is really stretching credibility and there are also a few visual cues that seem out of place such as a character looking at the sky and watching a planet self destruct even though it is light years away. Didn’t the science team bring up this point with the filmmakers that you shouldn’t be able to see this phenomenon? Also, I might sound like I’m nitpicking here but unless someone didn’t send me a memo I never realized that transporters had a HUGE range so that you could conceivably beam someone from Earth to Saturn in one shot. I don’t seem to remember it being THAT far a distance.

Then again, this movie runs on such high-octane energy that it basically steamrolls over whatever little niggling issues it has. While classic Trek movies featuring Shatner and Nimoy centered on the never ending theme of growing old and showcased adult life this movie revels in its youthful exuberance. With movies tending to trend dark and explore the deep recesses of the human condition ala Chris Nolan’s The Dark Knight Abram’s Trek does the polar opposite by accentuating the positives that Trek has been so well known for. This is a stirring rendition of Gene Roddenberry’s utopic future where humanity has conquered the stars not with a sword but with the soul and Abrams does everything in his power to keep this focus. Humanity might be flawed but it is our ability to overcome our inherent prejudice that gives us a leg up on what evil lurks outside the preverbal window.

If I had to make a tonal comparison I’d have to say that Abram’s Trek feels much more in line with Raiders of the Lost Ark which had one of the most balanced and engaging combinations of pure unadulterated fun and humour coupled with barnstorming action sequences. That is not to say that this new Trek is devoid of touching moments as there are indeed many, a few actually shocking to say the least but the overall mood is one of pure boyish charm and optimism that it elevates the entire movie with feel good buoyancy.

In the end J.J. Abrams and his talented crew are to be applauded for basically rebooting Trek and making it relevant again. While I never truly downright hated the Star Trek Voyager or Enterprise TV shows nor even Star Trek Nemesis the writing was on the wall as the franchise slowly sank into an unending pit of mediocrity. It was actually infuriating for this Trek fan to watch the series spiral down and get stuck beholden to its own ponderous lore that stifled whatever creativity had flourished during both the original series and the Next Generation.

Abram’s Trek, with all its gnarly new gadgetry and clean high-tech design is exactly the boost in the arm that is required to re-energize this creaky old franchise. With a new look, capably young cast and a new creative focus from the filmmakers this new Trek is poised to explode the box office. That said, I know I promised the blog readers here my box office analysis and I apologize for not writing it sooner but I’ll be cautiously optimistic and incredibly elated if it somewhat follows Batman Begin’s trajectory but opens a bit higher – so for the record I’ll predict a $65 million opening weekly with a 3.5x multiplier bringing the total to a $227.5 million final gross. Anything more is cake. Of course, anything less than $150 million will probably make Paramount cry.

Box office prognostications aside, this is a masterfully crafted summer popcorn film that should please both diehard fans while bring in legions of new ones. Forget all the small inconsistencies or changes to past Trek lore and instead revel in the sheer delight of this new vision of Gene Roddenberry’s future of mankind. With one fell swoop, J.J. Abrams has plotted a course for the future and for the first time in years the future is bright. It would be sappy to end with Spock’s customary Vulcan salute so I’ll instead just say – the human adventure is just beginning.

***1/2 out of ****

2009, USA, 126 Minutes, PG-13, Paramount Pictures
Directed by J.J. Abrams
Screenplay by Roberto Orci & Alex Kurtzman
Based on Star Trek created by Gene Roddenberry
Produced by Damon Lindelof & J.J. Abrams
Executive Producer: Bryan Burk, Jeffrey Chernov, Alex Kurtzman, Roberto Orci
Original Music by Michael Giacchino
Cinematography by Daniel Mindel
Film Editing by Maryann Brandon & Mary Jo Markey
Casting by April Webster & Alyssa Weisberg
Production Design by Scott Chambliss

James T. Kirk: Chris Pine
Spock: Zachary Quinto
Spock Prime: Leonard Nimoy
Nero: Eric Bana
Capt. Christopher Pike: Bruce Greenwood
Dr. Leonard 'Bones' McCoy: Karl Urban
Nyota Uhura: Zoe Saldana
Scotty: Simon Pegg
Hikaru Sulu: John Cho
Pavel Chekov: Anton Yelchin
Sarek: Ben Cross
Amanda Grayson: Winona Ryder
George Kirk: Chris Hemsworth
Winona Kirk: Jennifer Morrison
Gaila: Rachel Nichols
Captain Robau: Faran Tahir
Ayel: Clifton Collins Jr.
Officer Pitts: Antonio Elias

© 2009 The Galactic Pillow

iPhone - Koi Pond Review

2009-04-24T11:07:00.000-04:00

Koi Pond smacks me of that old acronym, WYSIWUG. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to deduce that an application named Koi Pond is specifically about a small pond inhabited by fish. Imagine my surprise if it featured giant transforming robots and pachinko machines? Regardless, Koi Pond is most definitely, “What You See Is What You Get.” I find it odd that I have penned numerous reviews on games for just about every console imaginable yet this is the first time I’ve had to focus on....a screensaver. Yes, that’s exactly what Koi Pond is. Those expecting some dextrous fish racing better look elsewhere.

This was one of the first applications I ever bought for my iPhone and I knew precisely what I was getting – a quick display of some of the iPhone’s graphical prowess. The developer has managed to create an app that is both pleasing to the eye and ear and though no one is going to be fooled that they are staring at a real live pond, the graphical fidelity and attention to detail is impressive.

Koi Pond is all about Zen and provides a relaxing atmosphere both visually and aurally. The app showcases an overhead view of a simulated koi pond, replete with stone floor and floating lily pads of different shapes and sizes. The view itself is locked meaning you can’t zoom, rotate, or move the camera vertically or horizontally. Amongst the lily pads swim numerous fish, each of which is nicely animated with many frames of movement. Tails and fins sway realistically as each fish navigates independently through the environment.

Adding to the scene are some nicely done shadow effects that come from both the fish and the lily pads and more importantly, the rippling surface water that shimmers throughout the scene. Although this is basically an advanced screensaver there are interactive elements included, most prescient being the water which takes advantage of the touch screen controls. Using your finger, or fingers, each light touch of the screen simulates a ripple effect, much like throwing a rock into water. If this is done near a fish they realistically react by getting frightened and quickly swimming away.

If you hold your finger down on the touch screen for an extended period of time it will attract the fish to congregate right below and virtually pretend to nibble at your appendage making your phone rumble in the process. Shaking the phone itself causes fish food to randomly be dropped into the pond which the fish can devour. It’s not exactly gaming but it does its best to simulate a real koi pond environment.

The advanced options can be accessed by pressing the bottom right hand corner of the screen. Here you can change the colour of the water with four presets: blue, green, brown and dark green. Other options include increasing or decreasing the number of fish and lily pads present or enabling or disabling the variety of sound effects such as birds chirping, gusts of wind, frogs and flies. Also included is a toggle between night and day as well as a volume control slider. As an extra feature, the lily pads can be dragged to any location you want on the screen with a simple touch and pull motion.

The sound effects are quite pleasing and the customization options giving you control of which ones to hear are welcomed although they sound incredibly tinny through the iPhone’s external speaker forcing you to wear earphones. For a screensaver that doesn’t really make much sense unless you just want to sit back and relax to the ambient noise. This however, is not the application’s fault but it’s too bad that earphones are needed to fully appreciate the work done by the developer.

Real koi ponds can cost thousands of dollars and are basically impossible to have outdoors in cold weather climates such as Canada making them a rare commodity for the rich who have the ability to just move them indoors. This application costs only $0.99 which makes it a fair deal although its only purpose is purely aesthetical. I’m not sure iPhone users will want to purchase many screensaver style applications but Koi Pond has immense polish and a pleasing demeanour. As an additional bonus, the developer, The Blimp Pilots, seem to be constantly upgrading and adding functionality to this app which deserves even more kudos.

*** out of ****

Developer: The Blimp Pilots
Version: 2.2.1.
Size: 4.4 MB

© 2009 The Galactic Pillow

Avast Ye! Or how Paramount got its groove on...

2009-04-13T18:40:00.000-04:00

Now this is how you build buzz. While I’m still not quite ready to go into a greater box office analysis of the upcoming summer movie season I have to give props to Paramount for mounting a steadily unfurling marketing campaign that has fired on all cylinders for their May tentpole movie. Of course, I’m talking about Star Trek. What did you expect? In hindsight the decision by Paramount brass to move the film out of its initial release date last Christmas day to the more competitive summer season now seems to have paid off in spades. While we still won’t know how well it will perform there’s no doubt that buzz is building in ways I have not seen since last year.

Flashback to the winter of 2007 and the prevailing box office prognostications were calling for Indiana Jones 4: Kingdom of the Crystal Skull to easily win the May box office crown. Cinephiles were still clamouring for The Dark Knight to emerge as the #1 film of the summer but for Indy to come close. Then as the months rolled by into spring 2008 potential audience perception started to rapidly shift as surveys and box office pundits began to notice a huge surge in popularity in the superhero film Iron Man which had a strong marketing campaign that managed to capture the zeitgeist at precisely the right time. By the time the summer season opened it was clear that buzz was on Iron Man’s side bolstered obviously by the fact that the film actually delivered the goods. In the end Iron Man beat out Indy 4 to claim #2 for the summer and The Dark Knight did indeed reign supreme with a gargantuan domestic gross second to James Cameron’s epic romance, Titanic (without taking into account inflation).

Looking at the release schedule for this May it doesn’t initially look like it will equal last year as both Iron Man and Indy 4 opened in the same month both going on to gross over $300 million each. This time around we’re presented with a bevy of films all of which are cursed with significant stumbling blocks that could potentially torpedo the final gross. Regardless, the prevailing winds have initially placed strong bets on X-Men Origins: Wolverine and Night At The Museum 2 as being the two films that have the greatest upside. I’ll be posting my predictions for May in a few weeks but I must say that there’s a reason why I also wait so late till I release them – things change. As puerile and obvious as that might sound it’s something to hold true as events of the last few weeks have thought us.

X-Men Origins: Wolverine has hit turbulence like never before due to an ill-timed and highly illegal leak of an early cut of the film that has done nothing but fuel the Internet speculation that 20th Century Fox has a potentially less than desired film at hand. I for one hope they pull it off as I have no desire to watch any movie go up in flames but this bad news does not help in their quest to change audience perception. There’s no question the opening gross will be affected since at last count it has been downloaded over one million times so far which is a staggering number of potential customers lost. Still, it’s not all bad as most mainstream moviegoers will not have bothered to even notice that it was available to download but the risk is still there that the negative response from those who have seen it will taint others to not run out and see it right away as they wait for better word of mouth from friends or colleagues.

It also didn’t help Fox’s image when one of their freelance writers went and released a highly detailed review of the cut on Fox’s own website basically admitting that he watched the illegal copy. I have no idea what was going on in his mind but surely it was not firing on all cylinders as his blatant admission of guilt led Fox to basically lay him off and deleting his article from their website. This was the right move and although it sent a signal to the public that it was following the law it ended up as more egg on Fox’s face with some netizens even calling this whole debacle as being completely planned by Fox to drum up hype for the film. This is as absurd a theory as I’ve ever heard as this leak was clearly illegal not to mention that it has done nothing but exacerbate the initial view that the film was clearly not up to snuff. Hype or no hype, you don’t want negative observations or reviews to leak out so early before your premiere.

Juxtapose that with Paramount which has waged a brilliant marketing campaign to win over both diehard fans and the mainstream viewers with its Star Trek reboot. The trailers have been epic and well received highlighting not only the origin aspects of the story but the new cast and crew in an action adventure spectacle. Some fans might be turned off with the rock and roll commercials emphasizing the action but it has no doubt succeeded in educating the audience that something cool is coming soon -- just look at the newest TV ad that boldly proclaims, "This is not your father's Star Trek."

Then there’s the premiere. For all intents and purposes Paramount is rolling out Star Trek much like they’d do with a potential Oscar nominated film. No, I don’t suggest that Trek is gunning for the Best Picture statuette (although that would be cool!) but the way they are releasing it certainly parallels those smaller “serious” contenders. Simply put, if you want WOM (word of mouth) to spread while hedging your bet by being too aggressive and going straight to a wide release in thousands of cinemas the best tactic is to let it premiere in key cities like New York, Los Angeles, or Toronto on one of two screens and let audiences take over. Even though there aren’t many total people going to a few cinemas what you really intend is for them to latch onto the film and start the WOM chain slowly churning as they tell their friends, family and colleagues about how good it was. You’d be surprised just how quickly this process can work as these films begin to build steam in a snowball effect. As WOM spreads as to how great the film is it draws more and more people to the cinemas until it hits a critical moment when the company decides to release it in more cinemas.

You don’t have to look very far for examples of successful releases that went this route. Just look at last year’s Slumdog Millionaire. It opened last November 12, 2008 in only 10 theatres and managed to make $360,018. However, audiences loved and the rest is as they say history as it started on its slow climb up the charts as the company added more and more screens. At last check it was sitting at $140,751,191 domestic gross.

Of course, this strategy doesn’t work all the time but it’s almost never used for a big blockbuster summer release like Star Trek. Now I wish it were exactly following this trend but it’s not quite the same in that the film is not actually being released to the public to see but it is going to be rolling out to a whole spate of worldwide premieres (included to US forces in Kuwait this past weekend) over the coming weeks in order to build buzz and it all started with one of the biggest bait and switches I’ve had the opportunity to see or read about in some time.

Paramount announced that the film’s worldwide premiere was to be in Sydney Australia on Tuesday, April 7. The media gathered there along with the cast including Chris Pine, Zachary Quinto, Eric Bana and of course director J.J. Abrams. Across the globe at the Alamo Drafthouse theater in Austin, Texas Paramount and a few co-hosts such as Harry Knowles of Aintitcool.com were getting prepared to mark the occasion with a special screening of Star Trek 2: The Wrath of Khan with a special treat of showing 10 minutes of never seen footage from the new movie. On hand were the new film’s screenwriters Bob Orci and Alex Kurtzman as well as producer Damon Lindelof who were there to present the movie to the audience.

The film began but after the opening credits the film reel basically died and melted and the movie stopped prompting the audience to get mildly upset. As they waited for the projector to be fixed Orci and Kurtzman got on stage in an effort to entertain the audience during the apparent faux pas but then from out of nowhere Leonard Nimoy popped up to massive applause and basically asked the crowd if they wanted to see more than 10 minutes of footage – like say, the entire movie perhaps? Yes, although all the dignitaries and media were in Sydney those lucky fans in Austin Texas got to watch the true world premiere a few hours before the showing in Australia. This had all been carefully staged and planned before hand and what appeared to be a botched screening of Star Trek 2 ended up being the World premiere of the new film.

The response after the credits rolled up? Near universal praise and adulation. Talk about getting your marketing right.

There’s a general rule of thumb that most moviergoers probably don’t pay attention to. If a company feels that a movie is not going to do well or ended up basically “sucking” they will do anything to prevent that knowledge leaking before it premieres. In a classic case of protecting themselves from harm they will not screen the movie for critics before it is released to the public. This is a sheer sign that the company knows it has a stinker on its hands and is in full damage control mode in order to achieve and gain as much money as it can before the nasty WOM sets in as initial moviegoers rip into the film and tell others to avoid it at all costs.

Conversely, a film company will never screen a movie long before its release date unless it is extremely confident that it has a major hit on its hands. With Star Trek premiering 31 days before its release date this is a telltale sign that Paramount is ecstatic about the film. It’s scheduled worldwide screenings that will take place between now and the release date are icing on the cake and reinforce the view that Paramount knows it has a quality title and is aggressively promoting it now in order to get the word out that the film is excellent.

This bait and switch certainly had a high built in risk factor. Star Trek 2 is regarded as the best Trek movie ever as well as being one of the best science fiction films of all time. To lure an audience that is there precisely to watch such a film and then switch it for the new one took a lot of gumption as there’s an inherent fear present that the new film will not come close to matching the old. Imagine going to see a newly restored print of Citizen Kane and instead getting it switched with Citizen Kane 2: Electric Boogaloo. Well, judging from the people who were present they have nothing to worry about as buzz is reaching a fevered pitch that can only help the film as it opens the week after Wolverine.

As buzz begins to build Paramount hopes to duplicate Iron Man’s success and although time will tell if it manages to get anywhere close to that film’s $ $318,412,101 domestic / $263,618,427 foreign gross here’s hoping J.J. Abrams’ reboot will usher in a new era of Trek movies. As for Paramount things are looking rosy with three of the biggest summer releases in Star Trek, Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen and G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra.

© 2009 The Galactic Pillow

Shiver Me Timbers! Or how 20th Century Fox blew a gasket…

2009-04-06T10:04:00.000-04:00

Pirate slang aside, after a couple of political posts it’s time for a change of pace as I veer back to entertainment and movies in general. Looking at the above picture you can’t help but notice Hugh Jackman is raging mad with steely intensity almost as if he’s about to skewer someone with his pair of razor sharp claws. I have a hunch I know just who he is intending to enact physical violence on. If you didn’t already know 20th Century Fox is reeling from an obviously unsupported leak to the Internet of an unfinished print of their summer blockbuster X-Men Origins: Wolverine. Yes, you heard that right. The entire rough cut of the movie is illegally available on the net about an entire month before its premiere. This is not some amateur camcorder recording but an almost DVD quality pristine cut of the upcoming film.

Fox executives are livid that this has occurred and with good reason as the movie is their tentpole summer blockbuster and this breach of security will no doubt impact the final gross. This is no laughing matter and they have already called the FBI for assistance. X-Men Origins: Wolverine is also a film which diehard comic book fans have been following for a while now but much of the buzz surrounding the production has been lukewarm at best making potential moviegoers guarded as to its overall quality. This leak will do nothing but exacerbate the situation. In the highly competitive summer movie season a potential blockbuster with an enormous production budget cannot afford these types of stumbles and this leak could be potentially damaging in its ability to generate enough money to cover costs.

This is not the first time a high profile leak has occurred as it happened recently with Star Wars Episode 3: Revenge of the Sith as well as Ang Lee’s Hulk. Star Wars went on to gross $380 million USD in the US alone but the Hulk did not even make enough to cover its estimated budget of $130 Million USD. Of course, the biggest factor to a film’s success is the WOM, better known as word of mouth. If the public enjoys it they’ll tell their friends and the movie will play well for a longer period of time. Conversely, if their opinions are negative it will cause others to avoid it like the bubonic plague. WOM can actually be mathematically calculated and anyone who follows box office predictions and trends will tell you that after the first weekend most prognosticators will be able to figure out the movie’s final gross within a few percentage points. After two weekends and that final estimate is almost a lock.

However, this is not a post about WOM but about the movie leak which proves piracy of any sort is rampant just about anywhere in the world. This sort of action be it undertaken by a lone culprit or group of people is obviously against the law but it also shows absolutely no regard to the vast cast and crew that has been working months on the project in order to deliver the best product possible. It doesn’t matter if the film is any good but this action is an affront to all those people who poured their sweat and tears into this film in order to bring it to the silver screen so it could be enjoyed by the public.

Whatever the motivations are behind this leak there’s no justification for this action. That said, I have no doubt that peer-to-peer sites are strained to the limit as people attempt to download the print to their computers. This is one of those situations that you run into in ethics class 101. If you spot a dropped wallet filled with cash in the middle of a shopping mall, what do you do? What would your reaction be if you were walking down a street and a laptop fell off the back of the truck?

The answer is of course, up to each individual. We all have to face our demons at some point and eventually be judged by a higher power – if you do believe in one. Regardless, even if you don’t it’s still a question of morality. Do you download Wolverine and watch it knowing it is illegal and is a rough cut or do you wait for the pristine finished product to be shown in a cinema?

I’ve always been a cinephile all my life as I just plain love watching movies. When I was in high school my friends and I made it a point to see as many movies as possible. It didn’t usually matter who was in it or what was it about we just reveled in the act of going to the cinema. Nowadays, I rarely venture out to the cinema unless it is something I truly have a strong interest in. If not, I’ll just stay at home and watch it on DVD or Blu-Ray when it is released months later. However, as good as recent Plasma and Flatscreen LCDs have become I truly believe that the only place to get the true cinematic experience is in a proper theatre.

X-Men Origins: Wolverine was one of those films that I was leaning to see mainly based on my previous experience watching the three previous X-men movies. I must admit that once I heard of this leak my first impression was akin to, “Where do I watch this?” This was followed by a period of quiet meditation as I realized that it really wasn’t worth it as this is the type of loud summer blockbuster best experienced in a darkened cinema with blasting THX or Dolby sound systems. My moral center won over and I went on my merry way doing something else content with the knowledge that I would be watching a superior product in less than a month.

Whatever your taste in movies, this sort of piracy is just unacceptable and though I have no doubt that many are downloading this as I speak the comments I’ve read on many forums just boggle the mind. I actually don’t care if someone is frank and comes right out and doesn’t hide behind mirrors by saying they’ve gone and downloaded it because they just can’t wait even though they know it is wrong. I might not approve but at least the commenter is flatly telling the truth about their actions. In their case the inner demon won but they don’t try in any way to justify their illegal download past the point that they just need to see it immediately to satiate their desire.

The ones which really irk me are those who throw out the rather obtuse excuse that since 20th Century Fox and the filmmakers are already making millions of dollars that that fact alone gives them justification for illegally downloading the film precisely so that they can watch for free and deny the corporation any money.

This is inherently a broken argument that functions as nothing more than false reassurance to the person making the comment who suddenly pictures themselves as some sort of rebel standing up to corporate America in protest. In reality, they are only deluding themselves into placing justification onto an illegal action.

There are others who claim that they are using this as a learning tool as this leaked release is suppose to be a rough cut replete with missing or unfinished special effects, editing marks with timers, and a placeholder soundtrack. 20th Century Fox has also revealed that it is missing a sizable chunk of footage that amounts to over ten minutes that was filmed as part of recent reshoots in February. While ten minutes might not seem like much it’s more than enough to make huge differences in the narrative that might drastically alter or enhance what you find in this leaked copy.

While I understand that a cut such as this one can aid film students or cinephiles in general to appreciate the actual filmmaking and editing process it is still not a valid justification to download the illegal release. Those who are looking for such a tool or view into the editing process can hope that it is included in the eventual DVD/Blu-Ray release along with director and or cast commentary. If Fox decides to release the film to the home market with none of these special features it might be lamentable or a missed opportunity but that decision lies with them not the consumer and certainly not by those who have pirated this film.

Fox’s biggest nightmare is bad WOM and judging from the comments floating around the net by those who have actually downloaded and watched the copy the reaction is leaning negative. I would take that with a grain of salt as I have a hunch that many of these commentators are people who were previously predisposed to “hating” the movie based solely on previous bad press. It’s not usually a good sign to be doing extensive reshoots so close to the launch date but there have been many cases where it has managed to fix key scenes or enhance exposition to flesh things out. Watching such a rough cut of the movie is akin to stealing a writer’s manuscript that is nowhere close to being a final draft as there are so many variables that could change that fundamentally alter the end result.

As an analogy whenever I look at high price athletes in the major US sports of football, basketball, baseball or hockey I sometimes blanch whenever I hear what they are making but I accept it precisely because I can’t fault a player for negotiating a contract that pays them exactly that high amount. If an owner gives the thumbs up to the contract then all the more power to the athlete and his agent for a successful negotiation. Now, I do think that athletes get paid way too much but as long as the owners want to I have no objection since they all can manage their own money without consulting me. I wish they did but unfortunately it doesn’t work that way. If they want to spend those millions on a player then so be it. However, I’m not going to protest by running up to the stadium and stealing their gate receipts, or the zamboni that clears the ice, or brandishing a large crowbar in a vain effort to cap someone’s knee. In short, if I don’t want them to get my money I’m not going to resort to illegal means to deny them their profit. I’ll just spend my cash on another form of entertainment.

In the end, it’s not my place to chastise people. Everyone can make their own decisions about this issue but how would you react if you had spent half a year working long hours on a product and had it stolen from you mere weeks before it was put on sale? If you download the movie it’s not like I’m going to get on my soapbox and throw profanity at you but whatever your decision please don’t try to justify it as some sort of protest against corporate America. If you think they don’t deserve the money then just don’t go and see it in the cinema. If you want to save money just wait for the home release. You can protest with your wallet by not spending money on their product but that in no way gives you the right to embark in illegal activities.

© 2009 The Galactic Pillow

Thanks For The Responses!

2009-04-01T22:45:00.001-04:00

Thanks for all the responses I’ve gotten on my last posting! I’ll let Kakashi from the Japanese anime Naruto give the thumbs up! It took a lot of time to write but I’m satisfied with how it turned out. Excuse me for replying in a post instead of in the comment thread but I ended up writing a reply that’s a bit too large to post in the comment field.

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Taru,

Thanks for your comments about my blog. I’m glad you are visiting my site and I hope you’ll continue to come often! As you can guess I write about anything on my mind although it’s usually something to do with Star Trek, video games or movies. I don’t usually launch into politics unless something has been brewing in my head for a while.

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Evie,

Yeah, it might seem kind of weird reading something that links Veronica Mars, recent history and a large dose of economics and geo politics but I can get longwinded sometimes! I think you are bang on when you say there’s always a “feeling out” period and some sort of inherent underlying prejudice that some people feel when they are presented with cultures, people or situations that seem foreign to them. I don’t think this is necessarily a bad thing since it boils down to the fear of the unknown. The only way to get around it is to try and temper these feelings and discover the other person or event that is going on around you. Information is power and most of the time once you confront it you’ll realize that most people around the world have many things in common. Like good old Shylock said in The Merchant of Venice, we’re all basically the same.

Sometimes it is disheartening to listen, mainly to politicians, wax on with a brusque “us versus them” mentality. Democrats will phrase their speeches to highlight differences between them and the Republicans that show themselves to always be morally superior and righteous whereas their opponents would ruin the country. The reverse is also true as well as Republicans are no different. The language of politics tends to run along these lines where one side is always right and the other always wrong. You can see this phenomenon everyday if you listen to news programs and of course, it is out in full force during any election period.

Unfortunately, this kind of rhetoric makes its way into global politics as well thus America was always good and the USSR was always bad. You can bet that someone living in Moscow during the Cold War would feel totally the opposite was true. People just can’t help but end up defining themselves in opposition with someone else. It doesn’t matter if it is class, creed, religion or political leaning but it seems that many will always compare themselves to others and make the assumption that they are on the right side every time.

This is a human flaw that needs to be tempered with something as easy as what you said by trying your hardest to understand someone else’s point of view.

As for China they have obviously gone through the “century of humiliation” much of it attributed to foreign intervention but obviously some of it is self-inflicted. However, to move forward one has to forgive the sins of the past and move on. If one gets locked into an infinite loop of paybacks it’s going to be a disaster. Just look at the Middle East for example.

China is most definitely on the rise and how it deals with its new found clout is going to be the defining story of our lives for the next fifty or so odd years. They have much to be proud about such as the biggest movement of people in history out of the poverty line. Still, there’s much more work to be done but these things take time. As someone living in a middle power country we can only hope that as China rises it doesn’t embark on an abusive and intrusive foreign policy that does little but make everyone else think they are doing nothing but bullying countries around.

As for the USA, it is not like Rome is burning here unlike what some commentators have said recently. It is merely going through a cycle whereby its power is waning when compared to China. The US is still the biggest economy in the world with much political capital. It just needs to choose its foreign policy more wisely in order to not provoke the world into thinking it is ignoring everyone and embarking on needless unilateral action. Even if China manages to surpass the US in GDP, the standard of living in the US will be far superior based solely on the population difference between both nations. That is, unless China keeps expanding till it reaches the same income level per household that the US currently enjoys. In that case the Chinese economy would end up 2-3 times larger than the US. Even then, this is not the end of the world as hopefully China doesn’t abuse its power.

Till then, I highly encourage anyone to travel. Not just to China but everywhere else in the world. By travel I mean out of the country you reside in. You’ll be surprised at what you find especially if you don’t join a tour and make a habit of going off from the beaten path. I’m sure it will enhance your perspective and give you insight to other cultures.

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CaitlynA,

Thanks for the clarification on the “Law of The Sea.” Looking back I think when I wrote that it “doesn’t go into much detail as to what is allowed to travel in the zone” didn’t come out exactly as I intended. You are correct in what the law states that it is supposed to support navigation rights by any shipping through a country’s EEZ including military vessels.

I do think though that this incident is a great indicator of China’s neophyte status as a military power. The problem being that both the US and Russia are veteran hands at playing these “wargames” evinced by their constant manoeuvring during the Cold War where each side shadowed the other in a daily attempt to test both hardware and military prowess of their crews. That is over forty years of experience not only in naval jostling but in other arms of the military.

After the dissolution of the USSR, Russia entered a period of decline as they could not upkeep their enormous military spending leading to them radically scaling back such activities and only having a few submarines and other assets actually deploying to sea.

However, even though that was the case the US has always kept up their military preparedness and their sortie rate has not largely declined.

Now we have an ascendant China with a spanking new Navy that has close to zero experience in such matters and who obviously has little insight into Cold War machinations that went on between the USSR and the US save for whatever they read. They are only beginning to revamp their command and control systems as well as actually pen their new military doctrines.

As such, when a US military surveillance plane or ship ventures anywhere close to their key installations they are embarking on a knee jerk reaction to immediately deny access to foreign military assets. In short, they are acting like a kid who is protecting his or her new toys by lashing out with physical harassment instead of calmly analyzing the situation and playing along. It was hard to keep secrets in the Cold War era and I doubt it is any easier now.

If they had the deep operational knowledge and tactics gained by the Russians and Americans for wargaming during the Cold War they’d probably realize that it would be better to leave those assets alone or shadow them everywhere and reciprocate in kind by doing exactly what you said by sending their own subs and surveillance trawlers to peep at American installations.

However, I really do think that the dynamic this time around is incredibly much more tangled and complex than when it was merely just the US versus the USSR. Back then you could argue it was as simple as who wielded the biggest and best military and in turn who managed to influence other nations to follow their political ideology. This time around China is a much different beast who is competing not to spread ideology but pure market capitalism – something that the US previously thought it had mastery over. Add in the fact that China is so linked to the US economy and owns a massive chunk of its debt, the US suddenly finds that it is befuddled as to how to meet this challenge. Some would say that America outspent the USSR and forced them to keep pace and when they couldn’t, the bottom fell out of their economy. That is not going to work this time at all.

Like Evie said and I as well in my blog I have my doubts how the US will react if a similar vessel to the Impeccable is sent by the Chinese to survey and snoop around any major American naval installation. It is not that I doubt that the US will decide to leave them be much like they allowed the Soviets to but I wonder if such an event would spur all the wrong types of patriotic furor if it were reported on let’s say CBS, FOX, ABC or NBC.

Part of the point that I was trying to get at in my blog is that communication is of utmost importance when feeling out another country or culture that is foreign to us, yet I find that a huge section of the press might be willing to spin a story like that into something that it shouldn’t. For instance, I have visions of how the American population will react if the prime time news leads with “Chinese Spy Ship Sitting off the coast of Norfolk, Virginia.”

Now I can understand why you might not like the word “spy” but even if you use something tamer like probe, investigate, analyze, or peep, it all boils down to the same basic fact that the ship is there to collect useful military intel. Whether it is there mapping the ocean floor or merely acting as a listening post to eavesdrop the fundamental mission is one of espionage. If the US news leads with a story like this, the reaction is going to be the same as the Chinese one was to the Impeccable minus the harassment of course. Much like the Chinese people must feel offended or insulted that an American ship is doing this, I posit that the US people will react the same way due to the underlying current of negative reactions to China in general.

This goes back to my initial point and something Evie remarked on, that people just have an inherent fear of the unknown. I have no doubt this sort of mission by the Impeccable or any other similar vessel from any other country happens all around the world as everyone is intent on peeping at other nations to probe their military capabilities. The issue arises if it makes front page news. While you and I and most other people could probably shrug that these wargames are going on every day it just does not play well to most people who will react negatively if they hear another country is actively engaged in these activities so close to their coast.

While the American public might not “hate” China much like the way they demonized the USSR, I think most will agree that they do not have an overall favourable impression of the country. Surprisingly, based on polls recently conducted in China they have a much more favourable view of the US than the US has of China.

What I am driving at here is that this incident is betraying a larger geopolitical issue for China and the US beyond the law. Of course, if China wants to be successful and enter into a relationship with the rest of the world, it is eventually going to have to straighten up and agree to follow international law. Just look at the enormous problem they have with pirate/copied merchandise that infringes on copyrights left right and center. Once they begin to clean things up I hope popular opinion will begin to swing a bit more positively. Certainly other issues such as lead paint and toxic baby formula do nothing but reinforce the negative but every country has gone through similar problems and only over time does the proper QA and government regulation kick in to better protect the consumer.

Now, China has indeed ratified this particular law so I suppose one can look at it and basically say that they are crying wolf during this incident with no legal backbone to support their claim but that brings up the salient point that strikes at the very heart of this law. How is it enforced? To my knowledge the UN has no hand in enforcing this law and that it is up to the individual states to basically work it out amongst themselves. This strikes me as one of those odd situations that run along the lines of, “Who polices the police?” In both 2001 and 2009 even though if you read that the Chinese were in error the result appears to be a loss of face to the US as they are seen to be capitulating and not pressing the issue further.

Like any issue that becomes politicized there are numerous threads running through any decision undertaken by any government. A cynic would say that most countries would follow these laws but those who are powerful enough (say, the US, China, Russia) merely use them at their own whims since they can “get away with it” with relative impunity.

Of course, this is what makes people around the world even angrier when they see actions by major players that openly bend, warp, misread, or plainly ignore such rules and laws. Growing up we all learn to never break the law but as adults we see it all the time around us. We all hope that everyone plays by the rules but as history shows, any major power is in this game for themselves.

Like I said, I’m a dreamer who hopes that people grow up and work together in harmony. Yes, it sounds like hippy flower power sometimes but it is the truth. My intent with this article is merely to show that cooperation and communication usually will lessen angst and the inherent fear people have of other cultures or things they do not know. China is ascending but their rise and America’s relative decline are not events that should be feared as long as cooperation and appreciation are placed at the forefront.

There are of course many obstacles to such a relationship, with one always being the military rights and exercises of any country that by definition are primarily meant to defend. Incidents like this, which involve the murky topic of espionage (some would say being proactive defense) are always going to happen but they do nothing but raise tensions and inflame a high degree of patriotic protectionism from both participants. Smaller countries look at something like this and throw their hands up in frustration as rules and laws are constantly being “bent” to suit a political goal. Surfing around the net one gets the impression that this incident is “playing” the way it is merely because the Impeccable is a military vessel on a probing mission. If China harassed a civilian freighter or fishing trawler than it would probably have been relegated to the back page of the news or never even been broadcasted.

I really don’t see that China is backpedalling or retreating on the issue but that is more a result of it quietly going by the wayside precisely because the US government is not pushing it further due to other political reasons. I remember the earlier incident in 2001 caused a massive stink that lasted months but this time the fracas has been left to quietly slip off into the news nether as economic issues dominate the relationship between the two countries. If this had taken place say three of four years ago I have no doubt that the Americans would be much more engaged to show the world that China is acting in a reckless manner but President Obama is caught between the proverbial rock and a hard place.

If he decides to press the Chinese or spend an inordinate amount of time railing against their apparent disregard for the law he is going to shoot himself in the foot precisely because he needs China to keep investing in US Government Bonds to help finance his stimulus package. If he decides to bring the case to the UN, he is left with the unenviable position of defending a law that his country has not even ratified as well as throwing political mud at China which he cannot afford to do so at this point in time. It’s not a stretch to assume that the Chinese government would retaliate through the economic bat or other area which would cause the US grief.

In short, even if China wantonly stretched the limit of the law, the US is in no position to make them accountable. You will remember even back in 2001 that in the end the US had to back down and even send a written letter of apology to the Chinese government over the death of their fighter pilot. This is a fundamental issue to US-China relations and it is quickly becoming clear that military incidents cannot be solved through military means. To do so is quite frankly incomprehensible as both are armed to the teeth. Thus, we are left with the diplomatic route and I am sure there is much going on behind the scenes in both countries to try and avoid such incidents from reoccurring.

Indeed, after the incident one positive reaction has been the call by many American military personnel to renew and enhance military dialogue between China and the US. An increase in military exchanges will undoubtedly help to clear up any misgivings each side has about the other and hopefully a cordial relationship can begin to grow between two militaries that seem in direct opposition to one another. China is bent on a massive naval build-up, in part due to their stunning loss of face when Bill Clinton sent part of the US Pacific fleet near Taiwan just as China was rattling the sabre in an effort to influence the Taiwanese elections. China quickly realized that it had inferior forces to deter and deny American access to that area of the world and embarked on its current increase in naval assets.

The Americans are sure to know this and obviously don’t want to see their firm grip as masters of the Pacific Ocean evaporate or be jeopardized by a growing Chinese navy. Still, military leaders obviously think and develop strategies to neutralize their opponents. This time it is no different and any sort of information that might give your own side an advantage over the other is just plain common sense even if by doing so you need to bend the law to your own advantage.

Even in today’s news coming out of the G20 taking place in London we are hopefully beginning to see some promising signs of a more robust China-US cooperation with the creation of the “economic dialogue” group and Obama’s acceptance of a trip to China later this year. Obviously, both countries are going to go about their military business separately but any sort of framework for a comprehensive treaty between these countries will do much to dispel any misgivings they might have about the other and hopefully cut down the risk of another ‘Impeccable incident’ from occurring.

China’s rise is going to be filled with numerous bumps in the road and obeying international law is obviously one of them. However, I think this is indicative of any growing country, especially one that has suddenly made a quantum leap from regional defense to the potential for global power projection. Although hawks might attempt to boost US military spending or embark on a Cold War mentality, I believe that Obama as constrained as he is by economics is on the right track by opening up more avenues for meaningful dialogue. By drawing China into International institutions and showing them the benefits, it will do much to help them in the future in both economic and military policy.

Anyways, I’ve rambled on enough. Thanks again for your insight to the “Law of the Sea.” It is obvious you have much knowledge about the issue at hand. I’ll go back later to my earlier post and revise it to include some of my thoughts from above and let’s all hope that in the years to come the G2 US-China relationship grows into one of mutual trust and understanding.

© 2009 The Galactic Pillow

"The Times They Are-A-Changing" – The country is destroying itself outside your window...

2009-03-31T22:49:00.015-04:00

One of my favourite television series in recent years has been Veronica Mars. Watching Kristen Bell playing the title character, a cross between Nancy Drew’s sleuthing prowess and Buffy the Vampire Slayer’s quick wit and sarcasm, solve a slew of mysteries was just plain engagingly amusing. There’s an episode during its third and final season (Episode 12: There’s Got to Be a Morning After Pill) where Veronica is lying in bed with her fingers entwined with her lover, Logan, which really struck an emotional chord. The duo had suffered a continuously destructive on again off again relationship over the past few years, alternating between bouts of intense passion followed by equally fiery temper. Though it was obvious that both Veronica and Logan had deep emotional bonds with the other the relationship was always much too temperamental to last. As they shared a moment of quiet respite a lyrical but melancholy alternative rock song wafted through the speakers capturing the essence of their turbulent relationship.

The country is destroying itself outside your window
Hear the pulsing machines breaking down
See the buildings crumble to the ground
- “Western Meadowlark”, Brown Recluse Sings

Veronica’s rocky bond with Logan is a perfect metaphor for global events that are happening daily all around us which are beginning to shape the future of the world as we head deeper into the 21st century. The one constant in the universe is change, which applies to every facet of our lives. Listening to this particular song by itself is actually depressing as, Veronica Mars the TV show not withstanding it seems to be about a country in the process of seemingly self-destructing right before our eyes. In fact, it’s happening as we speak and indeed has been going on for many decades already. That country is the United States of America and it is under siege from all sides of the geopolitical spectrum. Countries and empires rise and fall and rise again and all of us living at this present moment are privy to the biggest political tectonic shift since the United States emerged as the de facto superpower after the end of World War II. With its land unscathed by two World Wars and a roaring industrial backbone, America was well positioned to take the leadership role especially as the former pre-war powers like the United Kingdom and France were mired in mountains of debt and had their economies in tatters.

Of course, we all know how this played out over the next forty years as America jostled with the Soviet Bear during the Cold War era, eventually triumphing in December 1991 with the dissolution of the USSR and the formation of the Commonwealth of Independent States (CIS). I remembered watching at home as events unfolded especially as the Berlin Wall came crumbling down in 1989 and exulting to myself that the evil empire had lost and democracy had prevailed. Then again, I was young and didn’t fully comprehend the entire context of the event and only now can I look back and realize that nothing ever seems so black and white.

Growing up, the West was always the force of good and stood for everything that was right with the World whereas the Communist countries of the Warsaw Pact were merely the enemy, brainwashed by years of propaganda made by an inherently evil and corrupt political system. If only it were so easy to define. Preconceptions and assumptions are dangerous traits to have that can only be overcome with an open mind and heart. Yes, that sounds mawkishly sentimental but like so many things in life, sometimes the biggest clichés are true. Nowadays we can look back at the Cold War era and realize that people living under the Soviet umbrella were the same as any of us living here in the West and recall Shakespeare’s oft quoted line from The Merchant of Venice where Shylock proclaims:

"I am a Jew/ Hath not a Jew eyes? Hath not a Jew hands, organs/ dimensions, senses, affections, passions; fed with/ the same food, hurt with the same weapons, subject/ to the same diseases, heal'd by the same means/ warm'd and cool'd by the same winter and summer/ as a Christian is? If you prick us, do we not bleed?/ If you tickle us, do we not laugh? If you/ poison us, do we not die? And if you wrong us, shall we not revenge?" -Shylock, II.i.58. (1.)

Like I alluded to in my earlier "The Times They Are-A-Changing – The Final Frontier" post, everyone on this blue rock spinning in space better learn to get along with one another or else we’ll end up as nothing more than a footnote in time in the entire history of the Universe. It might be naive to think that such a thing could happen but would you rather sit back and throw your hands up and surrender to your primal cynicism that people will inherently never get along with one another? It might take much personal fortitude and a willingness to change one’s perspective towards others but in the end the only way to bridge gaps between cultures is to immerse yourself in them. No one is forcing you to learn their language, although that would really be a huge step, but anyone can attempt to do simple things such as try their cuisine or investigate and educate yourself on their beliefs and history. To not do any of these things and to merely criticize shows nothing but utter contempt and a wholly misguided haughty attitude of morality.

All that being said we most definitely live in interesting times and for readers of this blog I implore you to discover what is going on in the global arena right now as you read this very entry. America’s global influence and stature is on the decline, a product of some truly odd and downright destructive foreign policy decisions and a wobbly economy based on over-extended credit lines and rapidly insolvent banks. Whatever political capital it had gained after the Second World War and the Cold War victory has rapidly vaporized especially under the watch of the 43rd President, George W. Bush who, managed to somehow earn the dubious honour of getting the country entangled in two unpopular wars as well as preside over a ballooning national deficit.

When Bush took office on January 20, 2001 the national debt stood at a $5.727 trillion dollars. On the day he handed power over to the 44th President Barrack Obama it stood at a staggering $10.626 trillion dollars. (2) In a research poll released right before Obama took over the Presidency, it was found that only 2 out of 21 countries with large economies had an overall favourable view of the US as most pointedly criticized America’s foreign policy as being the biggest stumbling block to global relations. (3)

Not only is the US mired with massive debt and a less than stellar global reputation, as most people not living under a rock know the world has been plunged into a crippling recession due largely in part to a plethora of toxic housing loans made by American banks that have sent reverberations throughout the world economy. America isn’t just sneezing it’s been diagnosed with a bad case of the flu (hopefully not a terminal case of the stupids as well) and as the economy went into the tank it managed to bring the entire world with it leaving the inherently bad impression that the current financial mess has been wholly created by bad US monetary policy. For sure, the US is limping around on a gimp leg these days but a cursory glance at her global position at the head of the table shows that she is indeed under considerable duress from the superpower to be. The days of unilateral action by the US and a unipolar world are coming to a close.

Roughly 52 years ago in 1957 a major series of events that would later be termed the Suez Crisis was rocking the Middle East. After Egypt nationalized the Suez Canal a trio of countries UK, France and Israel embarked on a military offensive that eventually led to Israel controlling the Sinai Peninsula. The United States under Dwight D. Eisenhower did not support the military intervention and aggressively argued with his allies against such a campaign. When they did not back down Eisenhower forced them to capitulate and impose a cease-fire by politically blackmailing the then British Prime Minister Sir Anthony Eden with the threat of dumping a huge chunk of America’s Pound Sterling Bond holdings which, the USA had accumulated after the Second World War to help the UK rebuild as well as pay off her massive debt that had accrued during the war years.

If Eisenhower sold the bonds it would have started a substantial devaluation of the Pound and basically bankrupt the UK overnight as it would not have been able to even pay for imported food and produce. The UK capitulated to Eisenhower’s demands and the military invasion was halted. From this moment in history till today, the UK has never ventured out again on its own on such a scale to impose military clout without the staunch backing of the United States. It is precisely this event that many historians allude to as the final nail in Britain’s empire and marks the transition to America and the Soviet Union as being the next world superpowers.

Flash forward to March 13, 2009 a date that might have significant future repercussions. Those who love political science will no doubt realize that sometimes the course of history can be changed in a blink of an eye and in this case a scenario eerily similar to those that happened in 1957 is playing out before our eyes albeit without the presence of a single weapon of military might. Instead of Eisenhower playing a dangerous game of brinksmanship from Washington to influence the British Prime Minister in 10 Downing Street, this time it was Chinese Premier Wen Jiabao addressing reporters after the annual session of the National People's Congress had ended. Mild mannered as always, Wen Jiabao threw out what appeared to be a nasty fastball aimed directly at newly elected US President Barrack Obama by proclaiming:

“We lent such huge fund to the United States and of course we're concerned about the security of our assets and, to speak truthfully, I am a little bit worried…

China is indeed the largest creditor of the United States, which is the world's biggest economy. We are extremely interested in developments in the U.S. economy.”

- Wen Jiabao, March 13 2009.

To the innocent bystander it sounded like nothing more than a simple observation but it not only reverberated right through every global financial market it rumbled straight to the Oval office. Much like Eisenhower did many years ago, Wen Jiabao was partaking in a high stakes poker match with the American President, openly challenging him that things are going to be very different in the years to come. To calm things down, in a totally unprecedented move two days later President Obama himself replied to Wen’s musings highlighting just how important the China-US relationship has become:

"Not just the Chinese government, but every investor can have absolute confidence in the soundness of investments in the United States.” Barrack Obama, March 15, 2009.

Simply put, China owns a large chunk of American debt. By most guesstimates China owns over $1 Trillion in American Bonds making her the largest creditor with Japan coming in second. As China has risen since Deng Xiaoping opened up the country to market reform it has sought a safe haven to park its growing trade surpluses and found it by investing in American debt. Over the years, especially as America’s trade deficit has ballooned with China, this figure kept growing and growing until the present where it has become the major creditor to the rapidly insolvent American economy. Now that the US is in a deep recession Obama truly needs China to keep investing in American debt to help fund his newly proposed stimulus package. In short, he wants China to foot the bill. Without China it would be incredibly hard for the rest of the world to soak up the massive cost of Obama’s plan with most thinking that it would be nigh impossible.

The problem for Wen Jiabao is that he fears a massive devaluation of the American dollar is on the horizon since the only way for Obama to meet his plan is to print more money. Any economist worth his or her salt knows that when a country prints more money that its inherent value will decrease. Print too much and it will drastically devalue in worth. For China, that would be disastrous as its $1 Trillion Bond holdings will drop dramatically as the Greenback plunges. Wen’s comments are meant to put Obama and the US on probation that China will stop investing in American Bond holdings if the government doesn’t address the need for proper government spending.

Of course, the nightmare scenario for all involved is clear much like British Prime Minister Eden faced all those years ago. If China dumps all her US holdings the Greenback will devalue and drop like a rock causing the country to slip further into a depression and basically bankrupting the nation. Informed people will realize though that this is M.A.D. Not mad, as in insane, although it certainly borders on that but M.A.D. as in Mutually Assured Destruction, a coined phrase left-over from the Cold War which relates to nuclear war. The concept boils down to the simple fact that the US and the Soviet Union never would embark on a nuclear war since it would mean the total destruction of both of them and indeed the world thus there would be no winners.

For all intents and purposes, China is currently linked to the hip of the US economy as it relies on the Americans to buy the bulk of Chinese export goods. If the US economy were to truly go into the tank especially if China sold her Bond holdings it would decimate the Chinese economy as well thus ensuring that M.A.D. came to pass. A shot is never fired but both the American and Chinese economies would be in shambles if the Greenback devalued overnight. This is the inherent problem with the Chinese economy that, at the moment, places so much emphasis on exports especially to the US. The problem for the US is that the government and its citizens have been living in credit denial for too many years. Instead of saving money for a rainy day the average American citizen spends more than they own relying on easy credit to boost their spending and standard of living. If you want to look at it in a different light, every American citizen owes thousands of dollars to the Chinese government who is subsidizing their exorbitant lifestyle. This cannot go on forever. The Chinese will eventually slow down their purchasing of US Bonds whereas the American citizens have to realize to live within their means. To think otherwise is sheer idiocy.

But what about 20 years from now? This is the American nightmare on the horizon, especially if people don’t realize that the soaring national debt is not something to ignore and be laughed at. Watching people walk by the national debt clock and not care about it is mindboggling. Much like a family who finds itself in debt and has to find any which way to cut back and pay it the US government is firmly in the same boat. As long as the Chinese economy relies on Americans to buy the bulk of its exports it will not seek to destabilize the status quo but if it manages to diversify and expand local high tech industries and find new trading partners the future is bleak if the US keeps on the path of no fiscal reform. If China truly decouples from America and achieves total production and financial independence then it can wield a bat much bigger than Eisenhower ever dreamed off. In twenty years time if China continues on its massive growth spurt it will overtake the US as the world’s biggest economy and it will have “won” without firing a single shot by figuratively owning the US debt.

Then again, can’t we all just get along? The US government and President Obama have to realize that past this massive stimulus the number one priority is not Iraq or Afghanistan but the soaring debt. This stimulus will plunge the country greater into debt and a coherent and concise plan has to be put in place that will gradually bring the budget under control much like Bill Clinton achieved during his years in the oval office. Let there be no mistake, you can’t just cut fat. The government wastes money for sure and many programs might have to be scaled back or outright dumped but all this comes at a price, namely increased taxes. Now no one likes to pay more tax but would you rather bankrupt your country and handicap future generations to a lower lifestyle? It’s human nature to protect oneself but surely anyone can see that their children and by extension their grandchildren will suffer from wanton and uncontrolled spending practices.

China is rising and the US is falling in relative terms, this much is certain. Obviously, having two superpowers butt heads will lead to tension and miscommunication but the world cannot afford to watch these powers play petty politics as the global economic outlook is so dire. This is not the time for protectionism to rear its ugly head or for dimwitted politicians who only care about their re-election chances or dwell on rampant patriotism. Frankly put, we’re all in this together and there’s no more important geopolitical relationship than the one that is forming between the current Superpower and the heir apparent.

Ever since I was in high school the prevalent wisdom has always been that the next Superpower was going to be China. Back then it seemed like nothing more than simple lip service as the USSR still reigned as the West’s greatest rival. Although China was growing, the late 70s and early 80s were all about Japan. Some people in the West saw Japan’s rise as a harbinger of US demise as people frantically proclaimed that Japan would soon be the greatest economy on Earth. People scrambled to learn the Japanese language and business techniques figuring that it was a matter of time till they overtook the US.

Well, we know how that turned out as the Japanese miracle hit a brick wall to which it has never recovered. While Japan was stuck in stagflation and went through multiple recessionary periods in the 90s the rest of the world ploughed ahead at full speed and nowadays you’ll not hear even one economist shout that Japan is going to be the next power. Indeed, things are so dire in Japan right now as its economy is contracting at a ridiculously higher percentage than the US. The newest numbers out of Tokyo put the Japanese GDP as contracting at a disastrous annual rate of around 6% and many economists point out that it could plunge significantly more.

So what about China? Will it keep chugging on or will it hit an economic brick wall like Japan did? If I had a crystal ball I would make billions but unfortunately, like everyone else, you can only guess. What we do know is simple math and that even in this economic crisis China continues to grow albeit at a lower 6-8% rate. Millions are unemployed adding strain to the population and increasing the likelihood of social unrest but at the same time China, due to its political system, has an array of weapons that no country, including the US, has at her disposal. While the US is drowning in debt, China is the most solvent country on Earth with an estimated reserve of over $2 Trillion USD. Its banks have not been hit hard by the housing downturn in the States and are controlled by the central government which has ordered bank managers to open the taps and let the cash flow. While credit streams remain tight in the West, Chinese banks are swamping the citizens with easy loans to get the money flowing into the economy. Of course, many of these loans might come back to haunt them in the future but for right now they are having the intended effect of boosting the economy.

China has the 2nd biggest stimulus package in terms of dollar value at approximately 4 trillion yuan ($586 billion USD) but it’s a whopping 2.1% of total GDP from 2008-2010 and is contributing more than even Obama’s massive plan that clocks in only at 1.6% during the same period. Other G20 countries have undertaken even smaller stimulus plans which show a giant divide in economic practices amongst the key industrial countries.

Stimulus Plans by Country (4)

Country	Raw Dollar Amount	% of GDP from 2008-10
China	$586,000,000,000	2.1
USA	$787,000,000,000	1.6
Russia	$47,000,000,000	1.3
Germany	$108,000,000,000	1.1
Japan	$124,000,000,000	0.7
England	$30,000,000,000	0.5
France	$35,000,000,000	0.4
Italy	$2,400,000,000	0.1

While the Democrats and Republicans spar over minute details and pork barrel politics, the Chinese central government worked quickly by dispersing the stimulus funds and it looks like it is having its intended effect as the money is trickling down into the Chinese economy. Early indicators look promising and most economists are now predicting that China will be the first country to “bottom out” and thus be the first to recover from this global mess. China’s PMI (Purchasing Managers Index) is definitely on the upswing and though it is still contracting, the rate has steadily subsided.

China’s PMI (5)

Month	PMI
November 2008	38.8
December 2008	41.3
January 2009	45.3
February 2009	49
March 2009	54 Expected

A PMI score below 50 indicates that the manufacturing sector is in contraction while anything above 50 shows growth. Looking at the above data one can easily see that though China’s key manufacturing sector is hurting that the trend is significantly upwards with it almost hitting the break even mark in February. Most experts now predict that March numbers will show that the sector has gone over the hump and is beginning to expand once again.

China’s automotive sector has also finally leapt over the US in January 2009 to become the world’s biggest auto market, a feat no one expected would happen for many years if the economic crash did not occur. Although overall sales were down in January, China managed to capture the pole position due to a huge drop in car sales in the USA but February brought even better news to the Chinese market as it managed to grow an astounding 24.7% from a year earlier due to China’s stimulus plan which cut the purchase tax on cars with small engines from 10% to 5%.

While the American government struggles with what to do with Detroit’s big three (GM, Ford, Chrysler) their Chinese counterparts have made it one of the ten key sectors targeted by their enormous stimulus shot in the arm. Not only did they lower the tax rate but they created and implemented a plan to lend out an additional 5 billion Yuan ($731 million USD) to all farmers buying minivans or autos with small 1.3 litre engines in an effort to spur growth. Not satisfied with that, Beijing is also pouring an estimated 10 billion Yuan ($1.4 Billion USD) to local carmakers to upgrade their technology and develop eco-friendly cars for the future. The abject contrast between the state of the Chinese economy versus the American couldn’t be starker when looking at these key industries. While the US debates pouring money into battered Detroit carmakers just to keep them from going under, it is mindboggling to watch from afar as China is on the opposite path to modernizing and expanding their product lines to compete with future trends.

Much of GM’s future lies in the potential success of their hybrid Volt car that runs on a combination of gas and battery power that promises to revolutionize the market, or so they hope. As eco-friendly as it seems the manufactures suggested price is a dazzling $40,000 which puts it into a higher range than needed. If government subsidies kick in they hope to bring that down to the mid 30s but with a nebulous launch date and GM bleeding around $5 million an hour (!) there’s no way to properly predict what will happen to the once mighty company.

Compare that to China’s BYD car company which no one but the most ardent automotive fan would have heard of before. BYD stands for Build Your Dreams and in December 2008 they stunned the world by unveiling at the Detroit Auto Show their own new battery technology that promised that by 2011 their new car would be able to run on a single charge up to 250 miles totally obliterating the Volt’s 40 mile per charge lifespan. Now, it all could be a bunch of smoke and mirrors and many cynics saw this as a pipe dream but someone didn’t think so. You might have heard of him. His name is Warren Buffett and he immediately invested 150 million Pounds into the company to purchase a 10% controlling interest. With the huge Chinese government subsidies going into R&D for eco-drive cars, BYD’s dream car might not be as vapourware as most think. If it comes anywhere close to even half the 250 miles per charge range it would still outlast the Volt by over three times the distance. We don’t even have to wait till 2011 to see their progress as BYD has already released their first hybrid car, the F3DM, at the end of 2008 into the Chinese market and while it won’t have the 250 mile per charge range it’s already tested to go 62 miles per charge which is already more than GM’s Volt. And the cost? A more affordable $21k USD.

GM might have invented the car but can Chinese car makers truly make the leap into the International market while also leading the way in eco-friendly models? The jury is still out but it’s no longer as farfetched as it seemed to be only a short half year ago.

As the G20 gets ready to meet in London a short time from now, there’s no doubt that global eyes will firmly be on the newly minted G2 – the US and China. Other countries will still have their say but it’s now absolutely imperative that US President Obama and his Chinese counterpart Hu Jintao get on the same page and realize the enormity of the task at hand. For all intents and purposes China is the number two economy in the world now and though the numbers might still place Japan at that spot her inability to deal with any sort of meaningful global economic leadership places that onus directly on Beijing’s doorstep. China’s exports were down sharply in January (-17.5%) and February (-25.7%) but nothing compared to Japan which is in complete freefall, plunging 45.7% in January alone from the year before and an even sharper 49.4% in February. Japan’s auto sector is being hit hard with shipments plummeting 64% leading most economists to figure that Japan’s economy will contract almost 6% for 2009. Just doing simple math will tell you that if China grows 6-8% and Japan contracts 6% that it won’t take many more years for China to outstrip her Asian counterpart.

While the Olympic Games in Beijing were China’s coming out party, this economic crisis has given China a gigantic opportunity to take center stage and how it deals with the new limelight will shape world history for years to come. The question everyone has to ask now is how do you react to this? China’s strategy until now revolved firmly around Deng Xiaoping who once said:

“Keep a cool head and maintain a low profile. Never take the lead - but aim to do something big.”

China has always been content to lay low and stay in the background letting other nations stomp around on the world stage but this time the dragon is stirring as Hu Jintao seems to be manoeuvring his country into a position of strength by openly flexing China’s muscle. Premier Wen Jiabao’s March 13th speech was just the beginning. Just last week, Zhou Xiaochuan, the governor of China's central bank, released a new essay calling for a new global reserve currency to replace the American dollar. Typically, the strongest economy on the planet becomes the de facto reserve currency. This use to be the Pound Sterling which gave way to the American Dollar. Although China is not even close to supplanting the US it’s certainly causing a ripple amongst economic think-tanks and finance ministers around the globe who feel that the greenback is vulnerable.

Make no mistake, China is not trying to suddenly topple the American dollar and replace it with the Chinese Yuan, at least not right now, but it’s a political move to both show the world that a new alternative is rising and highlight the inherent danger of the American government’s continual need to print more of its own currency to pay their way out of the mess they created. China is also trying to bolster its own stature amongst world forums and organizations like the IMF whose voting percentages have not been balanced by the rise of emerging economies. Basically, the bigger your economy and the more SDR’s you own the more percentage of voting rights you are awarded in the IMF. Thus the US alone has around 17% of the total vote.

IMF Voting Percentages (6)

Country	Percentage of Vote
USA	16.77
Japan	6.02
Germany	5.88
UK	4.86
France	4.86
China	3.66
Italy	3.25
Saudi Arabia	3.16
Canada	2.89
Russia	2.69

Zhou Xiaochaun indeed brought forth an old idea to make the IMF’s SDR (Special Drawing Rights) the reserve currency that is in turn made up of a basket of world currencies. Even if the idea is shot down it’s apparent that China’s government is not at all happy with the way the US has run the world’s economy into the tank and many nations have already stood up and expressed support for a new global currency including Russia, Malaysia, Indonesia, Thailand and even a recent UN panel of experts.

China’s SDR gambit is sure to fail but it’s merely a sign of an increasingly confident nation and masks the bevy of deals behind the scenes which are truly building the groundwork for a future move to the Yuan’s ascendancy to supplant the USD as the de facto reserve currency. These things take time, almost moving at a glacial pace. Even though the US GDP outstripped England at the end of the 19th century it wasn’t until the end of World War II that the USD began to supplant the Pound as the global reserve currency, a time period of almost 100 years. The same fundamental shift is beginning to happen today as the Yuan gains prominence but it will entail many years of mutual co-existence with the USD as nations invest in both currencies.

More importantly one needs only to look at some of China’s recent deals to see where the tables are turning as China weans itself off USD and onto its own denomination. Watching China’s increasing reliance on currency swaps is the strongest signal that China is diversifying its portfolio especially since they all center on the Yuan. Since December 2008 China has concluded the following currency swaps, which do nothing but benefit Beijing and enhance the Yuan as the rising currency against the USD.

China’s Recent Currency Swaps (7)

Country	Currency Swap Value
Agentina	70 Billion Yuan
Belarus	20 Billion Yuan
Hong Kong	200 Billion Yuan
Indonesia	100 Billion Yuan
Malaysia	80 Billion Yuan
South Korea	180 BIllion Yuan

1 Chinese yuan = 0.146351 U.S. dollars

What these swaps boil down to is that it enables these countries to pay for Chinese goods and services in Yuan instead of USD and more importantly its success will serve only to highlight to other countries that agreements like this are beneficial as the US economy stumbles and remains insolvent. Like any good investor it’s not exactly a good idea to put all your eggs in one basket and countries will begin to use the Yuan as a secondary currency to the USD. China is not only looking at its own backyard as evinced by its swaps with Argentina and Belarus and it is going to be interesting as it expands these programs around the world to see whom they are targeting. Like it took the USD almost a century to supplant the Pound, these moves are a harbinger to come as China asserts itself against the US.

Currency swaps are only one area where China is beginning to change the global dynamic. While the world has been stunned by the financial crisis into a period of hoarding whatever capital they have on hand China’s state enterprises are shopping like it’s Christmas spending billions of dollars in global companies that are resource based. In fact, China’s rise in commodity spending and deals is making those prices rise even though Europe and the US are cutting back in this sector. China is acting like a kid in a candy store, buying up or investing in foreign companies while their market value is dirt cheap – think worldwide fire sale here.

These market investments are truly global as in the last six months alone China has completed or is about to complete deals with Australia, Brazil, France, Iran, Russia and Venezuela. These are not minor deals but are long-term investments that will provide a steady flow of future raw materials to the Middle Kingdom. The deal in Brazil was a $10 Billion USD investment in the oil company Petrobas to provide 100,000 barrels of oil per day for the next 10 years. In Russia, China has poured in approximately $25 Billion USD to Rosneft and Transneft in return for 300,000 barrels per day for 20 years. Clearly, this is a new phase in Chinese acquisitions that is beginning to mirror Japan’s expansionist phase in the early 80s that saw them gobble up foreign companies.

Speeches and essays on the turgidly boring and less sexy topic of monetary policy might make headlines buried somewhere deep in the business section but they rarely top prime time news. This is no surprise as the labyrinthine world of global finance is as exciting to the public as watching a cross-country race between two snails. However, some more overt moves by China definitely showcase her growing clout.

Rewind to April 1, 2001 a scant few months after George W. Bush took over the office of the President as a foreign policy flashpoint flared up between the US and China focused on a mid-air crash between a Chinese fighter jet and an American surveillance aircraft resulting in the death of the Chinese pilot and forcing the American plane to make an emergency landing on the Chinese island of Hainan. The Chinese government summarily detained the 24-member crew as they basically went through the spy plane with a fine toothcomb in order to discover whatever technology they could. Obviously, tensions between the two countries escalated as both sides accused the other of breaking various laws but in the end the American plane and crew were returned after the US agreed to send a letter of apology for the incident.

Flash forward to March 8, 2009 and in an incident eerily similar to that which greeted Bush, another military confrontation occurred just shortly after Obama took office this time involving the US spy ship USS Impeccable which was sailing approximately 70 miles away from the Chinese navy port on Hainan Island that was harassed by a few Chinese fishing trawlers. At face value these two incidents might seem to do nothing but raise suspicion on the Chinese actions but considering that they take place only 70 miles away from China’s major southern naval base and the picture becomes clear.

To put it in simple terms, China sees a range of 200 miles from its coastline as sovereign Chinese territory and uses the UN “Law of The Sea” treaty as its justification. The problem is that the treaty merely states that an “Exclusive Economic Zone” exists 200 miles from the coastline and doesn’t go into much detail as to what is allowed to travel in the zone. The Chinese government reads that it means no foreign military vessel should breach the zone whereas other countries do not. Of course, this is all moot since the US hasn’t signed onto the treaty in the first place. Who is right and who is wrong is a murky question best left to lawyers who can get into the nitty gritty but let’s frame this argument in another way -- How would the US react if China sent either a sophisticated spy plane or vessel to monitor the US navy only 70 miles from Pearl Harbor or the west coast of California?

Dull discussions on fiscal and monetary policy send people straight to sleep but a military incident gets their adrenalin flowing like a good Hollywood blockbuster.

As Chinese naval ships join the international forces off the Gulf of Aden, the first global dispatch of China’s navy in over 600 years, to protect shipping from pirates to open calls to start building indigenous aircraft carriers, China’s military is expanding at an enormous rate, so much so that members of the American military industrial complex are beginning to get seriously worried. Not since the Cold War and the Soviet Union has an adversary managed to even come close to America’s military might. Since the collapse of the Iron Curtain, America has enjoyed unfettered military global dominance but most historians and indeed citizens from around the world are probably dismayed that instead of being a compassionate stakeholder and restrained global police man, the policies of right-wingers such as George W. Bush have plunged America into two disastrous wars and greatly diminished its moral standing. It is no surprise that America’s aggressive foreign policy has irked many nations and bares its roots in the “Manifest Destiny” historical belief that the US was destined and indeed blessed by God to colonize America from the East to West Coast. It seems some politicians have morphed this to even include the rest of the world as well.

With America focused on the war on terror and bogged down in two theatres of operation, the Chinese have been steadily modernizing their military with sweeping reforms that touch all three major segments of the army, navy and air force. Some Americans are astounded that though China remains far back of the US in all aspects of military power it is catching up at a much higher rate than previously expected. I doubt there’s any expert out there that would say that China is on even grounds with the US but what China lacks in tech it makes up in sheer numbers. That is not to say it would win but China is basically the only nation on Earth which is modernizing with the specific goal to thwart, deny or delay American forces in case of a conflict. Nations are obviously weary of a rapidly modernized Chinese military which will undoubtedly tip the balance of power in the Pacific in the years to come.

With a huge naval base on Hainan Island (akin to Pearl Harbor) that gives it easy access to the South China Sea to its rapidly growing fleet of modern surface warships and both nuclear and diesel submarines, China is embarking on a massive military build-up to counter American sea dominance. Add in a few aircraft carriers and you have the makings of an effective blue water battle group, which can project Chinese power far away from China’s coast. Throw in the ability to hit satellites, a huge cyber warfare department, the development of a true 5th generation fighter that includes stealth technology, an ambitious ASBM program designed specifically to take out carriers and the soon to be completed GPS system of its own and it’s no wonder that the world is watching with anxious eyes. Don’t forget the planned moon-landing that is scheduled to happen anywhere between 2015-2020. Whatever mission China has in store for its growing military muscle there’s no doubt that it will result in a tectonic shift in geopolitics. Whatever the future entails it is imperative that the US and Chinese military counterparts create and open meaningful lines of dialogue in order to prevent accidental incidents from occurring and raising tensions between the two nations.

Top Military Expenditures by Country (8)

Country	Military Expenditures (in USD)
United States	651,163,000,000
China	70,242,645,000
France	61,571,330,000
UK	61,280,890,000
Russia	50,000,000,000
Japan	48,860,000,000
Germany	45,930,000,000
Italy	40,050,000,000
India	32,700,000,000
Saudi Arabia	31,050,000,000

China’s political, economic and political might is growing in leaps and bounds. How it uses its newfound power is something everyone should keep an eye on. As we move from a unipolar world to a multipolar one which might encompass Russia and eventually India, these are certainly interesting times to be sure.

“Only Thing We Have to Fear Is Fear Itself”, Franklin D. Roosevelt.

As for the average global citizen this fundamental shift of power from Washington to Beijing is making many have sleepless nights wondering how this will affect their life. For me, this inherent fear is none the more prevalent when reading numerous comments on various Internet news articles which do nothing but cause me utter grief as I shake my head wondering if everyone in the world is so close-minded, racist and moronic as they seem. These are not words I use carelessly but sometimes reading comments from all sides of the political spectrum is just incredibly infuriating. Everyone has a different point of view. This is totally expected and indeed should be a sign of a robust discussion on any topic but once it veers into outright lies, jeers, rampant patriotism or demagoguery then it’s time to step back and do some old-fashioned chastising.

No matter your point of view there’s no reason to resort to playground name calling or outright racism and I find that many posters are just plain bullies who have a distinctly narrow view of the world. They only know what is around them and have never tried to expand their boundaries by truly learning other cultures or venturing past the town limits. This sort of sheltered mentality that refuses to discover the world leads to wanton disrespect and even basic understanding of your fellow man. Reading a comment like, “Death to all yellow chinks!” or “All Americans are stupid-ass motherfu***rs who think they rule the universe!” is NOT helpful in the least. Come on people, we live on this same blasted rock in space and we can do better than let simple prejudice rule over us.

China is not going anywhere and neither is the USA. Times might be bad but fear of each other should ease not increase during these trying times. This is hard, as we’ve all been pre-programmed to think suspiciously of things and people we don’t know but really let’s at least make an attempt. Reading a Chinese blogger launch into an acidic invective against the crumbling US infrastructure and way of life but discovering that they had never set foot outside of Shanghai is as convincing an argument as saying that the Sun revolves around the Earth. Conversely, going over an American posting that evil Chinese communists will never amount to anything since the US can bomb them back to the Stone Age does nothing but highlight the incredibly moronic lack of insight into such a ridiculously uninformed statement – the poster doesn’t realize that a conflict with another nuclear nation will lead to M.A.D. (Mutually Assured Destruction).

Change is tough but it comes from within with a desire to expand one’s horizons and see things from another perspective. Can we do it? To take a line out of Obama’s playbook, “Yes we can.” Since the G2 is going to be the biggest story of the coming decades it’s about time that both Chinese and American citizens educate themselves about one another and see the inherent pitfalls and successes that both countries can offer the world.

I am a dreamer and like I said in my previous, “The Times They Are-A-Changing” post I truly wish people will see the world as a singular entity and realize that only by working together can we achieve true greatness. If that sounds like some silly televangelist preaching then so be it. Perhaps I have had more opportunities in my life to see other cultures but I find that incredibly fascinating. I have gone all over the US and also China as well visiting many towns and cities for differing reasons and like good old Shylock, it’s not hard to say that everyone is alike with the same core wants and needs.

I am reminded of many images that I have ingrained in my mind during my trip to China that have given me a perspective on the truly massive change that the country is going through but always tempered by the equally gigantic work that has to be done to bring the bulk of the country out of the poverty line. I remember driving from Beijing to the Great Wall, a trip which lasted about 70-90 minutes and watching in awe as I witnessed a new highway being built along the entire stretch of road all at once. Living here in the West it’s more common to see roads built section by section but to watch an entire highway popping up along the 70-90 minute drive was jaw-dropping. Walking through Beijing’s undeniably shirt-drenching streets in mid August you couldn’t turn your head in any direction and not see a ton of construction cranes peppering the skyline. The skyline itself is almost totally changed since I was there in 1998. I don’t even remember Beijing’s CBD (Central Business District) as being anything more than low level buildings but now it’s filled with glittering steel and modern architecture.

Juxtapose those sights to the one I saw in the ancient capital of Xian when I asked why so many dishevelled and downtrodden people were lined up at the side of the road doing nothing by sitting down, seemingly dazed or staring blankly at the surroundings. This sea of people went on for a block and it turned out that they were migrant workers who had arrived in the city trying to find work but had as yet failed to secure employment.

Another time I was in Nanning, a major city in Guangxi province in the south. I had checked in to a massive five star hotel with opulent marble floors and ornate trappings that would be the envy of any hotel in New York, Tokyo, or London. Then again, right across the street was a row of run down shop houses and shanties and the pavements were filled with cracked concrete belying their ragged condition. As I watched weathered citizens milling about with bare feet, their skin a sinewy leather from staying out amongst the harsh sunlight and tropical climate for too long, a stunning leggy Chinese woman dressed to the nines in a couture red dress, five inch heels and trendy sunglasses sauntered into my view along with her husband/friend decked out in something like an Armani suit. If ever there was a contrast between the old and the new China, this was it.

During these depressed economic times it is easy to turn cynical and wonder just what hardships lie around the corner. As the financial news worsens, unemployment skyrockets, frustrations and anxiety are ought to rise. Still, the world is not ending anytime soon. Listening to the expert economists, political analysts and other gurus drone on that society as we know it is ending is just plain irresponsible fear mongering. No doubt there are tons of challenges ahead but we’ll all chug along and persevere. The world is undergoing one of those massive shifts in power politics and China’s ascendency to reclaim the prominence it lost is going to be the story of the next half century.

"Let her sleep, for when she wakes she will shake the world." Emperor Napoleon Bonaparte.

Napoleon once warned about China. He was right. The 20th century was American. The 21st may or may not be the Chinese century but if we’ve learned anything from the past few months it is that China is back and she’s gunning to reclaim her lost #1 status.

Veronica Mars, the television show finished after a brief three seasons as ratings were too low for the network to renew it. As the last episode played out it showed our nubile and perky young heroine brazenly plough forward in her goal to expose a nefarious shadowy organization called The Castle that had collected dirt on many powerful members of society. She succeeds but in doing so her complete stubbornness and tunnel vision mentality cause her father, the Sheriff, to break the law and destroy evidence that could send her to jail. Upset at her actions, the final shot is of her walking away from the camera as pouring rains pummels her as she heads forward to an uncertain future.

What has come to pass can never be changed unless someone manages to invent a spiffy new time machine that looks like a DeLorean. Until then, pardon the pun, but America’s bull-in-a-china-shop mentality has left her in the current predicament with crumbling global clout, massive debt and a truly negative image of a power who has overstepped its authority with wanton disregard for the rest of the world. Now, critics are emerging almost daily chastising the US for many of its past deeds and some of these voices are rising from within lamenting how such a great nation managed to squander away its massive political capital. There’s still time to fix these problems but they are going to take much pain and tough decisions that are anathema to your common politician. However, it surely can right the ship but that’s up to President Obama to brood over as waiting much longer for true reform is going to plunge the US further into a hole it might never crawl out of. Much like Veronica Mars trudging through a torrential downpour after ruining her father’s career, the future of the US appears bleak but there’s always a ray of hope.

Watching the American Empire gradually wane and China rise to fill the void might be akin to seeing a battered and worn boxer attempt to get into the ring for one last bout, not content to let the whippersnapper newcomer take the center stage and steal the spotlight. Empires on their decline are prone to be at their most dangerous as they attempt to do anything to retain their relevance. However, change is unavoidable.

As the G20 meets in London this week the only message I can hope for is that both Obama and Hu Jintao realize the unique opportunity that history has provided for them to forge a comprehensive bond between these two nations to not only solve the crisis but bring both countries closer together. It is okay to offer differing opinions but we all need the G2 to work because if they don’t and more radical and opinionated politicians take over on both sides the Earth is going to be in for a world of hurt.

The country is destroying itself outside your window
Hear the pulsing machines breaking down
See the buildings crumble to the ground

You, perched on the edge of your comfortable bed
Like a beautiful songbird
Singing tender songs
Of melancholy hearts
All love and lost

Drowning at the horror
Drowning at the horror
With honey dripping from your open mouth
It's funny how you buried all the doubt

Your cooing warble cover other sounds

- “Western Meadowlark”, Brown Recluse Sings

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1. William Shakespeare’s “The Merchant of Venice” - II.i.58
2. Source: http://www.treasurydirect.gov/NP/NPGateway
3. Source: http://www.reuters.com/article/domesticNews/idUSTRE50I2OH20090119
4. Source: Associated Press
5. Source: http://www.cnbc.com/id/29500179
6. Source: IMF (http://www.imf.org/external/np/sec/memdir/members.htm#2)
7. Source: http://www.bloomberg.com
8. Source: http://en.wikipedia.org

© 2009 The Galactic Pillow

TV - Gossip Girl Season 1 Review

2009-03-26T16:07:00.000-04:00

I have always been more enamored by movies than I have been with television series. This is not a new admission as my friends have known this for years nor is it based on some sort of elitist mentality that somehow puts cinematic fare on a pedestal while relegating TV programs to the scrap heap. It is just merely a desire of mine to digest a narrative that has closure within a relatively terse two hour time span as compared to a serial that is broadcast over many months. That is not to say that I don’t appreciate an intricately woven story that weaves its magic over a longer period of time but just an observation of mine that what usually occurs to sustain such a show are a series of increasingly fantastical plot devices coupled with a copious amount of filler material that is so often undesirable.

Then again, most shows follow this trend, especially teen dramas and soap operas in general. I have to admit I am most definitely NOT included in the demographic of The CW’s newest teen hit, Gossip Girl but here I am watching it nonetheless. Based on the Gossip Girl series of books by Cecily von Ziegesar, the show features an omniscient narrator voiced deliciously with sarcastic smugness by Kristen Bell (Veronica Mars) who reports like a teen version of the National Enquirer and Perez Hilton about the goings on at a local Upper East Side private school. Every rumor, scandal and fashion faux pas is gloriously outed on Gossip Girl’s home page, an address known and highly frequented by the school’s population. Truly, Kristen Bell does such a bang up job as the narrator it is almost criminal that you never get to see her as one would expect someone like her to wreak devastating havoc upon these rich brats.

The show itself centers on six main characters all of which are played by impossibly coifed teens in couture that will leave viewers gawking and a little bit jealous at all the extravagance in place. These people are suppose to be the elite of New York’s wealthy and it’s displayed at every turn from opulent mansions to chauffeured limousines to the requisite Ostroth Center where troubled members of this gang end up in therapy. If you ever imagined how Paris Hilton might live I suppose this show is as good as any to begin your journey to Neverneverland.

Actually, Peter Pan aside, the world of Gossip Girl is firmly rooted in magical fairy tales even if this uppity world exists it is highly unlikely that most will ever come close to peering into this world of excess and intrigue. This is an alternate world where status and appearance rule the day.

As the series opens we are introduced to former “it” bad girl, Serena Van der Woodsen, played with leggy free-spirited charm by Blake Lively, quietly sneaking back into New York from a long sojourn away from the elite. No one knew why she suddenly took off and left without even telling her best friend, Blair Waldorf (Leighton Meester), but if there’s one constant in life, things change. With Serena out of the picture Blair has become the Queen B, a position she relishes with appropriate cattiness and not one she is willing to relinquish without an all out catfight. Further complicating things is Blair’s great love, Nathaniel Archibald (Chace Crawford), who harbors secret feelings for Serena and his best friend Chuck Bass (Ed Westwick) a particularly sly sleazy chap who dresses in loud spiffy attire than would send Liberace into a fit of glee and who lives only to party and bed the opposite sex and you have the beginnings of an incredibly eclectic mix of teens whose stories are rife with a myriad of possibilities.

Co-creator Josh Schwartz is no stranger to teen drama and though his name might not be familiar to most his previous show, The OC, most definitely is. The OC was “the” teen show only a scant few years ago that showcased the opulent lifestyle of the West Coast before losing its direction and taking a dive into TV’s graveyard of forgotten shows. With Gossip Girl he’s more of less successfully transplanted some of the core elements of The OC into the East Coast environment but some of the similarities are not just skin deep.

First and foremost, he’s boosted the adult quotient whereas the books more or less ignore them. In a case that feels too much like the relationship between Seth and Sandy Cohen, Schwartz has recreated that playful sardonic vibe again this time with a family from Brooklyn headed by Rufus Humphrey (Matthew Settle), a one time rock and roller from the 90s and his son, Dan Humphrey (Penn Badgley) who has the annoying propensity of talking nonstop much like Seth in The OC. Schwartz has yet another situation that easily juxtaposes the difference in culture and class between those that have and those that want. In his previous show he managed to build much empathy for his supposed lead in Ryan who comes from a broken family by turning him into an adopted son with the wealthy Cohen clan thus leading him to encounter the extravagant lifestyle of the rich and famous.

This time around he’s got Dan Humphrey and his sister Jenny (Taylor Momsen) as have nots who manage to go to this upper class private school solely based on their father’s will and determination to give them the best education that he can afford on his meager salary. Of course this leads both of them to be outcasts amongst these children of wealth a fact not lost on each of them although they both take different tacts. Dan shuns the crowd, content to be a poet and considers himself above the fray whereas his sister Jenny decides that she wants “in” and soon finds herself doing anything to increase her popularity.

The Humphrey family initially starts as the easiest entry point into this surreal world as seen through the eyes of outsiders but the show begins to grind by revealing a common romantic past between Rufus and Lily Van Der Woodsen, Serena’s mother. Making matters worse, other parents are all seen to be totally devoid of morality as well given credence to the phrase, “The fruit doesn’t fall far from the tree.” In fact, every time the show begins to focus on the adults it begins to drag especially since it goes over the same material over and over again until the audience really doesn’t care.

For a show based on humanity’s naughtier, more debased side, the show is surprisingly meek even though morality is often thrown to the wolves. This is a show that features copious amounts of drinking, drugs, sex, strip clubs, gambling, rape and extortion. Now, it’s never gratuitous in showing the actual acts except for a lot of lips connecting and hot petting of skin but the acts are undeniably there. What makes things feel more uncomfortable is that this is a high school meaning everyone should be 18 years or younger and I can’t help but feel a certain sense of unease – Hey, look at Jenny she looks so frackin’ hot in those bright pink leggings and high heels strutting her behind down the street! OMG, she’s only 15?? It makes one feel like some sort of pervert and makes me hope that girls that age don’t really dress like this.

On the other hand, although I am far removed from high school, I can’t help but nod my head in silent agreement that many of these issues these characters harbor are very real and salient to teens nowadays. Maybe not all of them at once or else I’d say our children would be in very big trouble as would our entire society. Still, you can’t help but at least begrudgingly affirm that there’s nothing here in the show that you can’t see in reality just not to the degree that is shown.

Actually, I for one am a bit surprised that if one watches the whole season that I was quietly expecting even more smut and degradation but I found that the show runners never pushed that cart too far, most times only to make an ethical point which, while applauded, didn’t make a whole lot of sense. Blair is the show’s Alexis Carrington, someone who schemes and backstabs anyone she sees that displeases her but the show never has the wherewithal to see a plot point to the logical conclusion, seemingly content to wrap things up in a nice red ribbon of sappiness. Every time someone is betrayed, it doesn’t take more than an episode or two for things to go back to “normal” and everyone involved is pardoned. Take Serena’s indiscretion with sleeping with Nate, Blair’s boyfriend since kindergarten or Blair’s subsequent infidelity with Chuck. All I know is that if that happened to me I would go punch my fist through the nearest wall. Instead, we are treated to groan inspiring dialogue whereby all involved make up and pretend that nothing happened.

The show makes a half-hearted attempt to highlight bad influences and their potential pitfalls but it never punishes any of these characters nor even gives the audience an inkling that they are learning important lessons.

This lack of education is what I call the “Worf Syndrome.” Now, I sincerely doubt anyone reading a review on Gossip Girl would expect a Star Trek reference but here it is and unlike some other diehard fans I know, I can easily skewer my favorite science fiction show whenever needed. Worf is a character on Star Trek The Next Generation who my friends and I constantly joked about as having a block of wood for brains. From nearly the first episode to the last seven years later, he displayed an unwavering mentality for recommending shooting first and asking questions later. Every time our crew encountered alien races he’d invariably offer his opinion to raise shields and power up weapons….just in case. While this might seem prudent, he was never right and always discounted. Even after he learned through many episodes to calm down and let his warrior instincts slide he always came across as a dunderhead since he never appeared to grow as a character.

Unfortunately, Gossip Girl suffers from the same case of, “Worf Syndrome.” Characters are painfully thrown into turmoil seemingly every episode but they rarely come out of it with true wisdom. One night of hot sex leads to another to yet another without regard for consequences and, of course, when the requisite pregnancy test comes back negative everyone sighs relief and then jumps back in the sack. Many people are backstabbed, tricked or cajoled into embarking on stupid flights of fancy but rarely do people get their just deserts.

Like most shows that center on a set number of leads, Gossip Girl feels like an apt amalgamation of spin the bottle and musical chairs as partners come and go. You almost wish everyone got it over with in one big frenzied orgy but that would of course never pass the censors. The season finale itself just about undoes the relationships built up throughout the entire year in a smorgasbord that includes every plot device known to man but in doing so makes the viewer feel cheated almost as if they’ve wasted the entire season before Schwartz decided to hit the reset button.

Undoubtedly, the show's biggest strength is its look and I don’t mean just the fashion. The couture on display coupled with the incredible makeup and hair design make everyone of these characters, even Dan and Jenny Humphrey, look like they’ve just stepped off a shoot for Vogue magazine. I suppose you can call it a running gag when Blair or Jenny gets out of bed or sits at the breakfast table looking as if they are about to walk the fashion runway but it’s way too distracting.

The show almost seems like one long commercial created to sell men’s and women’s fashions. There’s no doubt everyone is immaculately attired right down to the smallest baubles and hair bands. Kudos goes to the wardrobe department in that regard and this in no small way has contributed to the show’s appeal although one wonders if a quick perusal of the Internet would garner more information than what is on display here.

Subsequently, everyone just looks too damn handsome or overtly sexual but at least the show is self-conscious enough to know what it is. That is in effect, the show’s greatest asset. The show runners like Josh Schwartz know they aren’t creating Shakespearean level drama or dialogue here.

This is Sex and the City for the teen crowd replete with pounding tunes from hot artists like Rihanna or even slightly lesser known artists Peter, Bjorn and John (Young Folks) jamming away in the background as pretty boys and girls flash before the camera. In that respect it doesn’t matter really what they say or who they are with. The characters themselves are wholly flat and easily pigeonholed into their respective roles and they never change. Blair begins as the resident b*tch and ends that way. Conversely, Chuck is the smarmy dude with an evil glint in his eye and by the season finale he’s still got that same haughty look. This might work well as a book for young teens who dream of being whisked away into a fairy tale world but I can’t see this running for umpteen seasons if something doesn’t fundamentally happen to change these people.

However, although the show should collapse upon itself due to the vast degree of melodrama, smut and clichés it somehow manages to stay afloat due to sly wit that manages to pop up in unexpected instances and a few performances that manage to scintillate and rise above the prosaic material. Blake Lively in the lead role of Serena manages to glow in most of her scenes endowing her character with manic energy even as her narrative arc plods along and eventually veers into abject schmaltziness. Nevertheless, it’s no cliché when one says that it’s the villains who get the real meaty roles and Gossip Girl is no exception. Both Leighton Meester as Blair and Ed Westwick as Chuck just dominate scenes with their total malevolence, in Westwick’s case, using almost piercing leers to convey his true intentions. In fact, all of the characters that have more of a moral compass are requisitely dull by comparison to our antiheroes, rarely contributing to narratives other than to quote prophetic or demonstrate their tenuous ethical superiority.

Needless to say logic sometimes takes a backseat precisely whenever it interferes with the plot. Case in point young Jenny is about to be date-raped so she texts her brother who is on the other side of town. Sure, she’s young and in a tough position but texting her brother on a cell phone in hopes he’ll arrive while her pursuer is literally right next to her? I can suspend disbelief only so far. Yet, this is precisely setup like this so that Dan can have his white knight moment and teach the intended architect a lesson with his fist.

Josh Schwartz is no stranger to this genre but he seems to have learned some hard lessons from The OC. That show started with a bang but quickly fizzled and ran out of gas as it meandered through dimly constructed arcs that appeared within the first breakout season (I’m looking at you, Oliver!). Gossip Girl doesn’t so much as charge out of the gate but merely gently trots along content in its own whims but it manages to avoid The OC’s pitfalls especially those in the later seasons that change the focus of the show away from the initial fish out of water scenario. If nothing else, Gossip Girl is the epitome of a guilty pleasure with just enough allure to keep you watching. Parents are going to hate this and rightly so but I very much doubt that it will keep its target audience from tuning in.

Till next season. XOXO. Gossip Girl.

**1/2 out of ****

Created By Stephanie Savage & Josh Schwartz
Based on the Gossip Girl series of books by Cecily von Ziegesar

Serena van der Woodsen: Blake Lively
Blair Waldorf: Leighton Meester
Dan Humphrey: Penn Badgley
Nate Archibald: Chace Crawford
Jenny Humphrey: Taylor Momsen
Chuck Bass: Ed Westwick
Lily van der Woodsen: Kelly Rutherford
Rufus Humphrey: Matthew Settle
Gossip Girl: Kristen Bell
Vanessa Abrams: Jessica Szohr

© 2009 The Galactic Pillow

Movie - The House Bunny Review

2009-03-19T15:23:00.002-04:00

As comedies go, Anna Faris’ new vehicle, The House Bunny, is as lightweight as you can get. The initial opening scenes establish Anna’s character, Shelley, as being an orphan who finds a family with good old Hugh Hefner and grows up as your consummate Playboy bunny living in The Mansion. One can only dream how skewed this girl’s life is going to be being raised in such an environment but alas this is a comedy not some sociological study into such an experiment. Shelley has her own dreams of finally becoming a Playboy centerfold but the day after her 27th birthday she finds herself kicked out of the Mansion since, “27 is 59 in bunny years.”

She soon finds herself in a rundown station wagon, homeless and now without a family but as per these films, still completely plucky and full of self-confidence. Stumbling on an out of luck women’s sorority house filled obviously with misfits she takes it upon herself to become the den mother and give these girls a lesson in “grrrrl power”. In what ranks as a complete surprise (snicker) she bestows her considerable knowledge gleaned from years as a Playboy bunny onto her charges leading to what can now be considered “the makeover cliché” as once plain, downtrodden girls with bad odour are suddenly transformed into, what Shelley calls, “sexy bi*ches.” Cinderella would be rolling over in her grave right about now.

While the setup is unique the movie then settles into an all too familiar rhythm. The story is completely telegraphed and while Shelley’s antics initially get these sorority girls to break out the makeup and dress in revealing clothing you can tell there’s going to be conflict rising when they discover that looks can be deceiving. You’ve seen this movie before as well as its underlying female empowerment message so much so you can tell the ending right up to the big speech that will leave the film’s numerous characters cheering in the aisles.

We’ve seen this character before as well when she was called Elle Woods. Ring a bell? Yes, this is the writing team which previously brought us Legally Blonde. The House Bunny definitely is more than inspired by that franchise.

So, if the movie is too formulaic what is there to recommend? Simple. This is Anna Faris’ movie and she gives such an impassioned portrayal of your typical blonde bimbo that it borders on masterful. This is one instance where you can say it takes brains to play dumb. I am reminded of Robert Downey Junior’s line from Tropic Thunder, “You never go full retard.” As such, Shelley is not really as airheaded as she first appears although she spends most of the running time completely butchering the English language especially the word, philanthropy. She is completely clueless as to what certain words mean like “vapid” but she takes it in stride oblivious to the fact that everyone knows she is being insulted. Faris invigorates Shelley, a character that could be grating, with enough gumption, albeit at times misplaced, that the audience has no choice but to applaud her perky resolve.

The actresses playing the various misfits don’t get much chance to shine as the focus is firmly rooted on Shelley but one does manage to stand out from the pack. Emma Stone as Natalie takes your stereotypical nerdy girl with glasses and then seems to channel a young Lindsey Lohan when she blossoms into a leggy redhead with freckles. The other girls do get a few scenes to shine but they are too boxed in by the archetypes that they originate from to make much of an impression– the pregnant girl, the girl in braces, the mute, the hillbilly. Still, this group of girls seems to be having genuine fun with each other and it shows in their easy camaraderie.

For a film that features a Playboy inspired origin the jokes and mature material are surprisingly kept to, pardon the pun, a bare minimum. There’s virtually no nudity as you only get one scene involving Shelley’s naked rump and very little cursing unless you count “bi*ch” and even then it isn’t even used in a derogatory manner. Playboy trappings aside this film is firmly in the PG-13 genre. What seems a bit more muddled though is the film’s empowerment message. Being a guy maybe I’m not the right person to judge here as I’m definitely not the target audience but it seems to be that like Legally Blonde and other similar movies there’s a fine line between feminist power and appearing to be a slut especially after their makeover where just about every male salivates as they walk past. Even after they achieve their epiphany that gains them the self-confidence they need to succeed none of the girls goes back to the dowdy way they looked before.

Nevertheless, the movie’s heart is in the right place and every character including Shelley does significantly grow more mature. About the only characters that are stilted and undercooked, not surprisingly since this is a movie geared to women, are the men. Colin Hanks plays Oliver, a rather unassuming man who Shelley bumps into and immediately gets a crush on. Hanks, who is really channelling his famous dad more and more, seems a bit lost for most of the running time but his understated acting actually provides a calming anchor especially when matched with Faris’ flamboyance.

The House Bunny ends up as an innocuous piece of silly entertainment. Thankfully, the film knows exactly what it is and never takes itself seriously. Still, this faux girl empowerment subtext is beginning to wear a bit thin especially if girls have to constantly show off their physical assets to win over the opposite sex. Then again, maybe that is going to take a much deeper movie to tackle. For now, this film is like coke zero – drink it fast and you won’t notice it going down.

**1/2 out of ****

2008, USA, 97 minutes, PG-13, Columbia
Directed by Fred Wolf
Written by Karen McCullah Lutz, Kirsten Smith
Produced by Allen Covert, Jack Giarraputo, Heather Parry, Adam Sandler
Executive Producer: Anna Faris, Karen McCullah Lutz, Kirsten Smith
Original Music by Waddy Wachtel
Cinematography by Shelly Johnson
Film Editing by Debra Chiate

Shelley Darlingson: Anna Faris
Oliver: Colin Hanks
Natalie: Emma Stone
Mona: Kat Dennings
Harmony: Katharine McPhee
Joanne: Rumer Willis
Lilly: Kiely Williams
Carrie Mae: Dana Goodman
Tanya: Kimberly Makkouk
Cassandra: Monet Mazur

© 2009 The Galactic Pillow

Vantage Point Review

2009-03-13T11:03:00.000-04:00

Gimmick – noun - an ingenious or novel device, scheme, or stratagem, esp. one designed to attract attention or increase appeal. (http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/gimmick).

Rashomon – A film by Akira Kurosawa showing a crime from four contradictory points of view.

Vantage Point, the new thriller headlined by Dennis Quaid, attempts to tell the tale of the apparent shooting of the President of the United States while on a state visit to Salamanca, Spain to give a speech highlighting a new potential counter-terrorism agreement. The gimmick employed here by director Pete Travis is to segment the narrative into eight fragments, each dedicated to showing a different point of view of the event. While modern audiences might find this as a novel approach to film making, others more versed in cinema will undoubtedly be reminded of Akira Kurosawa’s seminal movie, Rashomon. Let’s get one thing out of the way immediately – Vantage Point is no Rashomon. Not even close.

The movie then is mostly told in a series of 10-15 minute flashbacks, all of the same event but from different perspectives. Director Pete Travis makes it easily discernable when these segments transition as the film literally rewinds and the clock is reset to a few seconds before noon.

The movie actually opens with its best foot forward showcasing the inhabitants of the GNN news network trailer as TV director Rex Brooks (the ever reliable Signourney Weaver) organizes her camera and productions crews stationed at this political event. There’s a real buzz here that shows the audience what really occurs behind the scenes at major news stations like CNN and Fox News and conjures up past genre films like Broadcast News and Network. The controlled chaos of the news trailer is nicely juxtaposed with the resulting assassination attempt that occurs and though the crew is initially shocked at what has happened their instincts kick in as they continue to broadcast.

This and the following segment headlined by secret service agents Thomas Barnes (Dennis Quaid) and Kent Taylor (Matthew Fox) as they guard the President enroute to the event anchor the film and provide most of the clues that we require to figure out what is going on.

That is, or so we thought.

The biggest stumbling point here is that each successive segment adds new information not available in previous flashbacks. At first, this doesn’t seem to be much of a problem as the narrative remains tight and focused on the actual event of the President’s shooting but it soon becomes clear in later slices that the story is beginning to become unhinged with too many plot twists and coincidences that aren’t even hinted upon in the opening flashbacks. Instead of centering on the shooting we’re suddenly thrust into a different environment and another set of plot machinations that are taking place concurrently with the shooting of the President.

This complication feels entirely too manufactured as an obvious attempt to throw the audience an obligatory twist. Worst still, certain characters disappear entirely like Sigourney Weaver and the whole news crew, while new ones appear with no hint of motivation except the thinnest of references. This disjointed narrative does nothing to build empathy for any of the characters save secret agent Barnes (Quaid) but that comes more from his extended amount of screen time as the lead character. Early on it is established that Barnes had previously taken a bullet for the current President but instead of being praised by his peers he’s unceremoniously ridiculed by colleagues waiting for him to emotionally fall apart. Strange. You’d think the secret agent community would label him a hero and try to help him at every turn.

The fault does not lie with the talented cast although Forest Whittaker’s character, Howard Lewis, elicited more than a few chuckles not because he is given comedic dialogue but because the film makers turn a normal American sightseer into an angelic humanitarian who in the breadth of the film manages to aid Barnes, save a little girl and outrun and outsmart both the secret service and the terrorists. No offense to Mr. Whittaker but surely he can’t be in better physical shape than those tasked to protect the President’s life.

As the movie hurtles towards the finish line it descends into potboiler action territory featuring an extended car chase through the city streets replete with shaky cam, fast cuts and almost superhuman dexterity from all involved. Sticking with the superhero motif, agent Barnes must be damn well superhuman as he survives every action cliché thrown at him including a bomb blast, gunfire and one particularly nasty side impact crash that crumples his car like a piñata.

Then there are the truly odd moments in the narrative that hinge completely on the element of chance that portrays a lack of inherent logic. Once the diabolical plot is revealed in full it just cannot hold water especially as it attempts to shoehorn eight disparate viewpoints into a final segment where everyone converges onto a single focal point for no apparent reason except to satisfy the screenwriter. Worst still, the climax depends on a totally inappropriate conceit of the screenwriter to suddenly reverse a villain’s innate character 180 degrees in order to save a child wandering on a freeway. We’re talking about a character who has planned this meticulous operation and shows no sign of remorse in killing anyone who even looks at him in the wrong way suddenly feeling the urge to save an innocent bystander.

Production values are certainly high and the film makes use of the local scenery to good effect but the gimmick wears itself out long before the climax. When the secondary narrative kicks in it negates what happens in the first two thirds of the movie which is especially grating to the audience who had to sit through almost an hour of repeating viewpoints on the same event only to realize it was all a ruse.

Rashomon only had four differing points of view but they all centered on the same event giving the narrative gimmick employed by Kurosawa weight as you could be drawn into the unfolding mystery. Vantage Point has twice as many viewpoints but quantity doesn’t translate into more than frustration especially once you realize that all the segments are not equal as they relate to the central narrative thrust. Kurosawa deftly handled his four segments by purposely showing them from contradictory points of view, all of which have been coloured by the character’s telling them thus changing how the major events were perceived. Vantage Point does not. All the perspectives show the events exactly occurring the same way.

It is widely known that although Police and law enforcement agencies rely on first hand accounts that there are many inconsistencies in peoples’ testimony even if they all saw the same event. It’s just human nature to see things and remember them differently. Here in Vantage Point, when you see a bomb in a bag being thrown under the platform by the same person four times it gets increasingly redundant as nothing substantial is changing. Now, if each person saw it differently then it might make for a good mystery to unravel and be truer to reality but here it’s doing nothing by padding the running time as each segment takes on the feel of déjà vu, constantly repeating the bulk of information we already have been shown.

Vantage Point – A film that attempts to highlight the assassination attempt on the President of the Unites States utilizing eight separate characters and their viewpoints but whose only achievement is a cacophony of loud noises punctuated with MTV stylized action and a gimmick that feels pasted on in order to expand an implausible TV length plot into a feature film.

*1/2 out of ****

2008, USA, 90 minutes, PG-13, Columbia Pictures
Directed by Pete Travis
Screenplay by Barry Levy
Produced by Neal H. Moritz
Executive Producer: Callum Greene, Tania Landau, Lynwood Spinks
Original Music by Atli Örvarsson
Cinematography by Amir M. Mokri
Film Editing: Stuart Baird, Sigvaldi J. Kárason

Thomas Barnes: Dennis Quaid
Kent Taylor: Matthew Fox
Howard Lewis: Forest Whitaker
Phil McCullough: Bruce McGill
Javier: Édgar Ramírez
Suarez: Saïd Taghmaoui
Veronica: Ayelet Zurer
Angie Jones: Zoë Saldana
Rex Brooks: Sigourney Weaver
President Ashton: William Hurt
Ted Heinkin: James LeGros
Enrique: Eduardo Noriega

© 2009 The Galactic Pillow

iPhone - CSI Miami Review

2009-03-10T15:30:00.000-04:00

One of the side effects that has arisen with the release of both the Nintendo DS and the Apple iPhone is the re-emergence of the long lost adventure game. Not since the heady days of Sierra’s Quest game catalogue have there been so many games released in this genre. That is not to say that the quality is there yet but at least adventure gaming has made a comeback.
CSI Miami is your ubiquitous adventure game based on a hot entertainment property, namely the high ranking series of the same name starring David Caruso. The game, by developer Gameloft, attempts to mimic the structure of a regular episode presenting the player with a crime and the subsequent steps the CSI team undertakes to find and prosecute the perpetrators. Presented in four chapters the player is tasked to collect evidence, process it, analyze the results and interrogate the various suspects.

As the game begins you are immediately thrown right into the story as a corpse is found washed up on a local beach. The CSI team responds and you instantly get your first task of searching the body and surrounding area for evidence. This is done easily by tapping on the screen where you think relevant evidence can be collected. The game holds your hand every step of the way as your associates basically tell you which tools to use to collect different kinds of evidence – swabs for blood stains, tweezers for glass shards, and luminol for invisible to the eye blood stains. There’s really no worry as there is no penalty whatsoever if you pick the wrong tool. Your companion will just complain that they think you have chosen incorrectly and you get the chance to choose again.

The game tries to add some dexterity based mini games but most of these are incredibly rudimentary. Processing DNA at the CSI lab brings up a game not unlike Bust a Move whereby you shoot DNA molecules of a certain colour into a spiralling DNA strand, the object being to hit the same coloured areas. Though it is possible to be a total klutz and miss there again is no penalty for failure as you just try again and again until you pass.

Other mini games include lock picking which is done by using the iPhone’s accelerometer feature and a simple matching diversion where you are asked if two samples are identical. Each time you successfully complete a mini game it is unlocked and you can play these outside of the main game. The problem here is that all the games are not compelling making the free play feature redundant.

The game’s apparent lack of difficulty is somewhat offset by having three difficulty levels that you choose at the beginning but even at the highest setting it’s still incredibly simple. This removal of skill also makes everything degenerate into nothing more than a text based adventure quest. With no way to mess up any part of the investigation you feel like you are doing nothing but reading an average crime novel.

Worse still, there seem to be parts of the game which are clearly not optimized for the iPhone such as the interrogation questions you can ask. These are presented in a scroll list but the issue here is that the arrows you need to scroll up or down through the list are puny on the screen. I found that I kept hitting a conversation choice instead of making the list move. This is incredibly frustrating as you have to keep listening to something you’ve already asked before.

Other signs of lazy programming can be found during the loading screens that pop up as you move between locations or more frequently during the lab where you are constantly swapping out evidence in the numerous devices. These show different characters from the show and a short quotation from them that does not relate to the game in the slightest. Also, there were many times that the game did not cycle through the many loading screens and kept loading the same one over and over again sometimes 3-4 times in a row. I know I have complained about this in many other iPhone games but is it really that hard to have the game not choose the same thing back to back?

As this is your typical movie/TV tie-in offering the production values are excellent throughout including gorgeous hand-drawn backgrounds and sound effects galore. However, this does not include the voiceovers which are delivered with no care for nuance and are all presented in dry monotones. None of the characters sound remotely like their TV counterparts, which is no surprise due to the exorbitant costs involved but they sound like they are delivered by Gameloft’s own office clerks. There’s no point including full voiceovers unless you are seriously trying to up your production values and overall game emersion. These atrocious voices should have been left out and the money spent on other areas. You’ll find it much easier to get immersed in the story by just turning them off.

At the end of each chapter you are presented with your reward – a short 10-15 second movie clip taken from the show. Like the dialogue quotes during the loading screens these video segments have absolutely no bearing on the case at hand and are seemingly randomly chosen. It is also superfluous that the only reward the developer could come up with is non-related video that does nothing but bloat the game’s install size to over 200 MB.

Like nearly all games on the iPhone the actual play time from start to finish is dramatically short. CSI Miami should take most gamers, on average, about 2 hours to finish. There’s only one case presented here and unless you are someone with a short memory and forget things easily there’s no replay value whatsoever. Upping the difficulty levels makes the mini-games harder but the core narrative never changes. Without sounding too cliché this makes the game hard to recommend except to the most diehard CSI Miami fan. The narrative itself is nothing special and with only three suspects, none of whom are remotely developed and scant locations available to scour for evidence it feels more like an undercooked half hour episode of the show.

*1/2 out of ****

Developer: Gameloft
Publisher: Gameloft
Released: 11/07/2008
Version: 1.3.0
Size: 251 MB

© 2009 The Galactic Pillow

Fire Everything!

2009-03-06T12:35:00.009-05:00

The third and most probably final Star Trek trailer is out as of today. You can watch it in Quicktime HD on Apple’s movie trailer site or at the official Star Trek link here. For those who want to experience it in its full glory then you’re going to have to go and see the comic book adaptation of Watchmen, which opens today in North America.

Paramount marketing is definitely working overtime by placing the new Trek trailer in front of the biggest movie of the spring, which should work wonders for brand recognition and boost audience awareness. With an anticipated box office blow out by Watchmen and the inherently sci-fi geek audience in attendance there’s no doubt that the new trailer will make an impact.

Of course, all would be for not if the new trailer stank or under whelmed but thankfully that doesn’t seem to be the case. Early reviews and comments springing up around the net seem to indicate almost universal praise for the Trek trailer that has succeeded in capturing everyone’s’ attention. Hopefully, those on the fence, non-fans and the mainstream moviegoers will take notice that Trek is back….big time.

So what about the new trailer itself? Without going too deeply into a verbose review it succeeds beyond all expectations although there’s always the danger that those clinging to canon are going to be livid. In fact, I have an inkling that Trek fans who oppose any sort of change are going to be worried at what is happening here but hopefully they come around and realize that this is Trek’s best shot at not only resurrecting the franchise but propelling it into the upper echelons.

Can it really make 200 million plus? Well, that’s up for some serious debate but let’s just say this new trailer helps promote it even further. I’ll eventually get around to posting my box office predictions for 2009 although I’m finding it harder this time around due to the many genre films that have the potential to do big business or be big busts. The month of May alone is packed with X-Men Origins: Wolverine, Star Trek, Angels and Demons, Terminator Salvation and Night At The Museum 2 and it is very unlikely that all five will cross 200 million.

Anyways, back to the trailer and some initial thoughts. First off, the overarching atmosphere and tone here keeps things in line with J.J.Abram’s previous comments that this is going to be an epic adventure. With a booming orchestral score replete with choral elements this harkens back to Batman Begins and The Dark Knight with a strong sense that the audience is going to watch an origin tale like no other. Finally, we’re presented with the plot’s framework, which undoubtedly spins the tale of how our intrepid crew gets together with a strong emphasis on Kirk himself.

This is not the Kirk you know yet he will be. Yes, purists will sigh but the storyline is clear that Romulan bad guy, Nero, goes back in time to mess up history and changes Kirk’s upbringing. His father, George Kirk, apparently takes command of the USS Kelvin and saves the lives of over 800 people including his son but dies in the process. Of course, even if Kirk’s past has been changed there’s no doubt by the way the trailer plays that he’ll undoubtedly reclaim is birthright.

Other things to look out for:

The apparent destruction of Vulcan in a spectacular FX shot of the planet collapsing upon itself.

The spine tingling moment when Kirk finally takes the center seat.

Kirk’s dad blowing up on the bridge of the USS Kelvin.

Nice panning shot of a huge auditorium at Starfleet Academy replete with the Federation symbol

Chrome throttle to take the Enterprise to warp

Spock and Uhura hugging

Enterprise arriving at Vulcan amidst a debris field with a huge broken saucer piece floating in front of it – destroyed starbase?

Enterprise’s neck getting hit with a torpedo.

Eric Bana’s Nero finally looking pissed and foreboding as the villain.

I can drone on but it’s best you experience the trailer by yourself and come to your own conclusions. As a trailer it works marvelously as a two minute look into the greater film which supposedly runs 2h 6 minutes if reports are true and the emphasis on Kirk’s origin and the magnificent effects work by ILM is on display. Abram’s eye for visual élan is on true display here with some snazzy camera work that really makes the battle scenes feel dynamic and fully realized in three dimensions. The submarine battle mentality from Star Trek II: Wrath of Khan is long gone here.

The Kelvin money shot from the previous trailer and the Super Bowl commercial is gone replaced by the new money shot – a first person point of view angle as Romulan torpedoes go flying towards the Kelvin as phaser fire and multiple explosions rock the screen. Nice stuff and some of the best work ILM has done in years. No offense to Star Wars purists and fans but the effects work on display here seems a step above Revenge of the Sith. J.J. Abram’s love for Star Wars is easily discernable here – check out the alien standing on the bridge when Kirk takes command or the yellow/orange filter that makes the space scenes resemble the opening of Sith. There’s almost a bit too much reliance on lens flares that seem to be in every effects shot but at least the quality is through the roof.

Who knows if the storyline or dialogue will hold up but it’s clear that Abrams and the new crew in charge of the Trek franchise have finally given it a long overdue polish and a huge budget to boot. Those lucky journalists who have seen the 20 minute or so footage a few months ago were raving about it and industry buzz is high. Let’s hope that translates to big box office numbers but more importantly a great movie experience.

© 2009 The Galactic Pillow

There Will Never Be A Better Time

2009-03-02T12:00:00.001-05:00

As regular readers of this blog might be aware of, I started it last November with three consecutive posts about Star Trek and have since then largely ignored my Trekkie tendencies although I’ve occasionally dropped references in my many blog entries.

Well, that’s almost four months ago so it’s about bloody time for another Trek centric post and what better occasion then to look over the new Trek commercial that premiered during the Super Bowl -- not to mention that the newest and probably final theatrical trailer is suppose to premiere before the Watchmen movie on March 6. Ad time is ridiculously expensive during the big game with some 30 second spots ranging from $2.5-3.0 million so it is actually heartening that Paramount decided to even bother with booking time for Trek. Admittedly, the company also bought time for two of its other summer blockbusters in Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen and G.I. Joe so between the trio of commercials that’s about 9 million spent in advertising that lasted approximately 90 seconds. With three tent pole movies you can bet Paramount is salivating at the potential for dominating yet another summer season -- last year they hit it big with both Iron Man and Indiana Jones 4.

You can find the new Trek commercial here from the official movie website in many Quick Time formats.

Approximately half of the commercial features footage we’ve previously seen in the movie trailer but there are a few added sequences and shots that are new. I’m not going to review the trailer but just say that Paramount’s marketing department is really working overtime to play up the movie as a science fiction action adventure instead of focusing on Trek’s cerebral stereotype. Time will tell if it works but I have a feeling this is probably the best angle to take as this is basically a relaunch of the franchise targeted to bring a new generation of fans to the series. It might be hard to take James T. Kirk saying, “Man…” or hearing some grunt shout, “Woo hoo!” but adding modern slang and attitude is certainly a different take on things.

I myself wouldn’t mind watching a heavily action-packed film as it has been years since Trek has done any meaningful or memorable action set piece – there’s just so many times you can expect actors to shake their own seats or pretend to fall over scenery. Don’t even mention Nemesis’ dune buggy chase where you expected Mad Max to suddenly appear along with Tina Turner in chain mail or the final space battle between the Enterprise and the Scimitar that actually has the tenacity to stop midway so that Picard and Shinzon can wax poetic in a philosophical discussion ruining any attempt to construct meaningful tension.

Judging from the revealed footage it looks like there’s going to be at least two or three potential winners with the USS Kelvin getting massacred by Nero’s flagship (it is the money shot so far as its saucer section is getting riddled with explosions), the “new” USS Enterprise coming out of warp around Vulcan and immediately getting into a scrap with Nero and of course, the sky diving scene that simply looks amazing although vision of Mission Impossible 3’s Shanghai sequence definitely come to mind.

For this particular post I’m going to actually focus on two shots which piqued my interest more than most even though they couldn’t be more different. The first one is a simple angle of two shuttles flying by a backdrop of 23rd century San Francisco. For the first time in what seems like eons I was hit with a real feeling of satisfaction at this relatively simple shot not only because the special effects looked good but finally after years of harping with my friends about why no one ever did this here was a shot of a city on Earth that really brought home the point that it takes place in the future.

We’ve seen San Francisco and Starfleet HQ before in previous films but here is a shot that really provides some insight into an area of Trek rarely touched upon – how the Earth looks circa the 23rd century. Freed from its usually pedestrian TV budget the new Trek team has really got the term “epic” and grandiose down pat. It doesn’t necessarily mean in a classic sense that we’re going to get a three hour movie ala David Lean’s Lawrence of Arabia but merely that J.J. Abrams and company understand that Star Trek should feature an expansive universe that shows a progression of tech from today not from 1966.

Many scientists have always remarked that the original series was the inspiration for them to get involved in science and one doesn’t have to go much further than looking at tricorders, communicators, phasers and other gadgets to see how much of a bell weather the original show was. Though it would please ardent fans to see the old Enterprise grace the silver screen it would probably alienate everyone else to watch a relatively clunky vehicle replete with a multi-coloured bridge with giant buttons and flashing lights. Maybe Trek in this new incarnation will accomplish the same feat and we’ll see a surge in physicists and engineers in the near future.

Some critics or anal fans might say that it bares a resemblance to a foggy Courescent from Star Wars but I disagree since we can harken things back even further to Fritz Lang’s seminal Metropolis. Sure there are your requisite tall skyscrapers but you can discern really organic elements like the marina and shoreline that add realism to the shot. Not to mention the sly use of the Golden Gate bridge to ground audiences that this is in fact San Francisco of the future. Considering that the tallest building in the world is the Burj Dubai (818 m or 2,684 ft) it’s nice to see humanity has kept on trying to outdo themselves and construct even taller buildings although let’s hope none of them are called the tower of Babel. After all, it’s only logical to build up as the population increases.

The other shot is of the new Enterprise firing phasers which is a scene we’ve seen a million times before. However, here again the filmmaker’s intent is obvious not only in the new muscular Enterprise model but the phaser effects themselves which now appear to be a cross between the Enterprise pulse firing in Star Trek 2-3 and again Star War’s shorter outbursts of weapons fire.

This is decidedly a polar opposite effect to Star Trek The Next Generation’s one long continuous phaser shot that tracks from one of the Enterprise’s phaser rings directly to the target. Fans can again continually argue as to the merits of the new effect but the choice is yet another instance where J.J. Abrams has made an active attempt to jazz things up and present a much more kinetic sequence with tons of visual elements and movement. The relatively static wooden ships and iron man sequences in past films such as Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan’s Enterprise versus Reliant battle are long gone. Watching two wooden ships ala Master and Commander continually pound each other with canon fire might be accurate for that period in history but watching the same sequence in space is a bit hard to take when one realizes that the tech is so advanced that ships of any size should be able to maneuver a bit faster than pregnant cows.

I’m more than willing to let JJ and company imbue huge capital ships with more agility although I hope there are no Star Wars inspired small fighter dogfights present which, although always hinted upon in Trek, would be a bit too close a resemblance in my estimation. You want people coming out of the new Trek film to say it is cool in its own regard rather than mouthing off that it’s nothing more than a Star Wars rip-off. Regardless, we’re roughly 2 months away from the premiere and the marketing campaign has barely begun. We can only guess what else Paramount has in store of us in the coming months.

In other Trek news don’t forget to read IDW’s Star Trek Countdown prequel comics penned by Roberto Orci and Alex Kurtzman. Taking place many years after Star Trek Nemesis it details Nero’s origins and effectively bridges the gap between Star Trek TNG and Abram’s new relaunch. At the very least it should draw more light onto his machinations as well, set up his connection to Spock and answer why he needs to go back to the past to destroy the timeline which Trekkies have grown to love. The first issue of the planned run of four is already sold out but if you are lucky you can still pick one up from your local comic book store (or ebay).

Also, if you are a toy collector, be on the watch for the merchandising onslaught based on the new film which includes your standard action figures, Enterprise toys, bridge sets and….Barbie dolls? Yes, Mattel is making three Barbie dolls featuring Kirk, Spock and Uhura although it makes you wonder just what exactly you'd be doing with them as you can't really play dress up with this trio - unless, other Barbie apparel fits these dolls. Kirk in a tutu anyone? Is it just me or does Kirk bare an uncanny resemblance to Hayden Christensen?

It’s been donkey years since Trek has managed to have such a wide variety of toys and although I won’t be buying Barbie dolls some more adventurous male fans will. As for me, I’ll probably pick up the new Enterprise model. It’s definitely a good time to be a Trek fan. With the Star Wars movie franchise effectively over and in a strangely ironic sense moved to TV, “There will never be a better time,” for Trek to reassert itself as the second pillar in modern science fiction.

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Movie - 21 Review

2009-02-27T11:50:00.001-05:00

I am not a gambler nor have I ever been even remotely interested in learning the trade. It is not that I deem it sinful but rather I have no interest in it whatsoever. For entertainment I’d rather curl up with a book, watch a movie or play video games till my eyes bleed. That is not to say I can’t guess what it might feel like to win big or to beat the house. I’m sure gamblers get a natural high and who wouldn’t be elated if they risked and won.

21 is based on a true story of a team of MIT students who beat the casinos at their own game. Obviously, the movie takes many liberties with the source material but the core elements are basically the same. Jim Sturgess, fresh off his singing in the Beatles’ inspired Across the Universe, is Ben Campbell, an incredibly gifted though introverted young man, who stands one step away from attaining his dream of attending Harvard medical school. The problem – he needs $300,000 to pay his tuition. Ben and his two best friends are basically geeks who spend their days designing for an upcoming technology competition while ogling women from afar.

Enter his Professor, Mickey Rosa, played with his usual gusto by Kevin Spacey. Rosa identifies Ben as having a quick calculating mind and invites him to join his shadowy gang of blackjack players. His team is well honed and versed in card counting techniques that, when coupled with team strategy, is well placed to fleece casinos of their money. At first Ben is repulsed by such an offer but eventually relents as he sees no possible avenue in which he can raise his tuition funds.

21 glides along with a quick pace during the initial acts as Ben slowly becomes consumed with his double life of being a nobody back in Boston while living the high life in Vegas. Once shy with principles he’s quickly sucked into the gambling culture and its excesses. Previously content with ill fitting suits he soon finds himself shopping at Prada and wearing impeccably tailored outfits with obligatory dark shade sunglasses. As the team keeps on rolling Ben finds himself developing an intimate friendship with fellow team member Jill Taylor, played by Kate Bosworth, while butting heads with former hot shot Jimmy (Jacob Pitts). These parts of the film are well paced and the audience is truly piqued to see how this team and their strategies might play out at the tables.

Then a funny thing happens to the film as it enters the midway point as issues that at first appeared to be oversights quickly become logically jarring. For a team of incredibly intellectually gifted people there are many actions they undertake that would make even the biggest of idiots scratch their heads. Now, I’m no expert at “cheating the system” but I would take it that staying incognito is a primary goal. Instead, as Ben falls deeper down the rabbit hole he becomes over flamboyant and draws attention to himself wherever he goes in Vegas. Attendants, dealers, waitresses, all know his alias the moment he walks through the casino doors. This applies to his team members as well. Though it is mentioned more than once, the team’s idea of a disguise is basically a different shade of Prada attire.

Concurrently, the team keeps hitting the same casinos in Vegas. They never go anywhere else or to another city to ply their skills. This obvious oversight comes back to haunt them as their actions begin to arouse the suspicion of Cole Williams (Laurence Fishburn), a casino security advisor who suspects the fix is on. Just how smart can you be if you keep trying to rip off the same casino? Making matters worse is Professor Rosa’s past which is revealed to involve Cole Williams losing a previous job. I can understand that the lure of fast cash is enough to make grown men drunk with greed but when you have heavies after you I really doubt you’d take the chance to piss the same security staff off when you are a marked man.

Also, instead of playing it safe and winning smaller amounts of cash, the team keeps going for the “big payouts” easily racking up hundreds of thousands of dollars in a small amount of time. One would think everyone in the team winning small amounts would not attract much attention.

Ben himself also has immense lapses of reason. As his earnings begin to pile up he finds no better place for his stash of hard cash then in the ceiling above his bed. I’m sure banks and the IRS might be alerted if he kept depositing hundreds of thousands of dollars into an account but surely there are better ways to keep the cash then a ceiling. How about a safe deposit box for starters?

Even though the actual scheme is glossed over the film does a good job in pulling the audience in for the ride. It is not necessary to know the minute details of card counting other than it being a way to increase your odds of winning. The film does however, not show them losing until key plot points which is odd as there is no way their scheme can make them win 100% of the time – it is based on statistics that increase chance not eliminate it.

All these elements add up to the Hollywoodization of the original book. It’s obvious that the filmmakers here have decided to glitz up a story that, while fascinating, does not translate into a big blockbuster. Of course, it can’t follow the book that much as in reality it was a team of mostly Asians conning the casinos and I doubt Hollywood would want a cast of all Orientals. Director Robert Luketic, he of Legally Blonde fame, decides to shoot the film with a lot of montages and slow motion photography that lingers much too long on cards flying around the table. In a movie about playing blackjack it seems like a pedestrian way to show tension although seeing slowly spinning and flipping cards is not exactly spine tingling. Location shooting shows the film’s intended narrative dichotomy between Boston’s cold and grey skies and vibrant Las Vegas as colours of neon flash all around.

Still, the movie chugs along and the audience remains mildly interested at how the story will inevitably play out since all the actors appear to be sincere. Sturgess makes a sympathetic hero although he’s considerably helped by veterans Spacey and Fishbourne who dominate every single scene they are in. Just watching the younger actors in juxtaposition with the two veterans is fascinating as they almost seem reserved in comparison to the screen presence emanating from the more mature thespians. Not fairing so well is Kate Bosworth and the movie’s romantic angle that appears too wholly tacked on to the narrative in order to provide the needed love interest. The relationship goes from dry to hot in a couple of montage sequences and we’re never given a compelling reason why she falls for him. In fact, one can conclude that she succumbs to his charms after he lets the Vegas high-roller life over take him – not exactly a winning start for a serious relationship.

Fishbourne makes a menacing loss prevention security advisor but I was more intrigued with whether or not Vegas still remained basically lawless – taking suspects into the cellar and beating them into a bloody pulp might have been true back then but does it still occur nowadays? I thought casinos that are privately owned could just throw anyone out they thought was cheating. Maybe I can dig deeper into that but the interrogation sequences seem to have been ripped out of a Martin Scorsese flick.

The end result feels like it is only very loosely based on the original book with too many artistic differences that jazz up both the plot and the visual flair of the material. Indeed the bright lights of Vegas make for a more compelling image than some dive in the middle of Chicago. Nevertheless, director Robert Luketic and the screenwriters take this too far adding multiple double crosses, betrayals and even managing to shoehorn in a chase through a crowded casino. This is far too much excess for such a simple story that owes its success to statistics 101.

** out of ****

2008, USA, 123 minutes, PG-13, Columbia
Directed by Robert Luketic
Screenplay by Peter Steinfeld, Allan Loeb
Based on a book by Ben Mezrich
Produced by Dana Brunetti, Michael De Luca, Kevin Spacey
Executive Producer: William S. Beasley, Ryan Kavanaugh, Brett Ratner
Original Music by David Sardy
Cinematography by Russell Carpenter
Film Editing by Elliot Graham

Ben Campbell:Jim Sturgess
Prof. Micky Rosa: Kevin Spacey
Jill Taylor: Kate Bosworth
Choi: Aaron Yoo
Kianna: Liza Lapira
Jimmy Fisher: Jacob Pitts
Cole Williams: Laurence Fishburne

© 2009 The Galactic Pillow

iPhone - Stone of Destiny Review

2009-02-24T14:06:00.001-05:00

Stone of Destiny is yet another one of those “hidden object” offerings that seem so prevalent in casual gaming. The concept whereby the player finds certain items that have been skillfully superimposed onto a drawn or digital piece of art is harmless enough but there comes a point when one wonders if this constitutes more than a rudimentary level of gaming.

As per games of this genre, story doesn’t’ really matter although the game does its best to make a stab at it by presenting narrative sections every so often that unfold through comic book panels. It turns out your uncle has gone missing and it is up to you to roam the world in an effort to track him down. This is a nice treat until you realize the absolute thinnest justification for the game boils down to, “I came to a dead end and lo and behold a puzzle awaited me!” Still, the game gets marks for going the extra mile to try and tie it all together.

The game boasts that it has 25 levels of find the object game play which is stretching the truth as you have to redo levels twice and sometimes it makes the same mistakes other games of this genre do in asking you to find many of the same items you did before. Seriously, is it so hard to write code that doesn’t pick items it has tasked you to find previously on the same stage?

However, there’s a much larger problem here that almost completely derails the game. The success of these find the hidden object games hinges on how well the items you seek are integrated into the background images. Unlike other entries in this genre, Stone of Destiny employs real photos of places and objects instead of hand-drawn art. With some good Photoshop skills this makes it easier for the items to blend into the backgrounds but the developer makes the fatal mistake of only giving you one zoom in setting that doesn’t really magnify enough. Although there is a hint timer feature included it is extremely frustrating when you have to squint like some sort of madman in order to find some of the more obscure objects, some of which, are literally only pixels large. Without the hint button you’d take hours finding these. There is a timer counting down so you can’t rely on using hints only but I never once got close to the timer running out. Conversely, you can’t tap the screen randomly trying to find objects as it will cause your timer to quickly decrease.

I also encountered weird quirks every now and then as the items the game presented to me to find were right next to one another. The game also sends you around the world but in a rather unintentional (or not) fashion the names of the stages sometimes will make you guffaw. I can’t remember the exact words but one was called the Den of Hell or something that had the word Hell in it and it turned out to be a picture of a regular wooden house. No sight of the Devil or his minions could sadly be found nor anything remotely evil for that matter. Maybe the developer was trying to make a social-economic statement that suburbia was hellish?

Perhaps it was also just my iPhone and I haven’t been able to test this on another unit or iPod Touch but whenever I zoomed into an image and moved the screen left and right the frame rate would chug as the game stuttered. An unintended side effect of this choppiness is that for a brief moment you could discern the background moving faster than the pasted on objects. This highlighted the items you needed to find making it a bit of a cheat to discover them.

The developer wisely tries to break the monotony of finding objects with a few game play additions. After finding all the objects at a particular location you are presented with what amounts to a game of trace. A symbol is displayed on screen which you must replicate using your finger over the iPhone’s touch screen. Some of these are simple shapes while later on they can get a bit more complex. This new mode might seem novel the first few times you do it but it quickly becomes more of a distraction as I found the input method to be strangely inaccurate as I could complete some complex symbols in one attempt while taking forever to do simple ones. On a less enjoyable note these complex symbols you are making do have a meaning as you see them later in the game in one of the most annoying levels I’ve seen. Without going into spoilers all I’ll say is that level doesn’t even have a zoom function making things really hard to spot.

There are also some rudimentary puzzle levels that pop up from time to time. Although none were particularly difficult I found them much more enjoyable than tracing symbols. There’s your typical move these stones from one peg to another based on their size section and also a level where you have to move coffins trapped in a maze.

Played in short bursts there’s some fun to be had here and at least the developer has attempted to add a few new elements to try and spice things up but the problem is that the core game play comes off as nothing more than average. With no incentives for replay and a less than desirable zoom function the developer succeeds in hampering the experience even further. Although this game is a port of a PC installment it’s obvious that the translation was rushed as these quirks could have easily been fixed. Perhaps the developer will take some of the lessons learned here and employ them in future offerings.

** out of ****

Developed by: Voodoo Dimension
Published by: Voodoo Dimension
Released: 9/30/2008
Version: 1.2
Size: 22.8 MB

© 2009 The Galactic Pillow

iPhone - Star Wars: The Force Unleashed Review

2009-02-18T13:11:00.002-05:00

As one of the highest profile titles to be released on the iPhone, Star Wars: The Force Unleashed, has been subjected to much scrutiny. Will this be the iPhone’s killer app? The pedigree of the license cannot be called into question although there have also been many games based on this franchise that have suspect quality.

Taking place between Revenge of the Sith and A New Hope, Star Wars: The Force Unleashed puts you in control of Darth Vader’s secret apprentice tasked to hunt down and destroy the remaining Jedi. Vader also harbors deeper Machiavellian plans to overthrow the emperor and seize control of the empire and his apprentice is the tool in which his plans may come to fruition.

With a story that has more or less been blessed by creator George Lucas himself the game carries the potential of more narrative heft as it has the ability to bridge the two trilogies and fill in much needed gaps in the storyline. Then again, if you are playing solely for plot you might be better served buying the console version of the game as it fleshes things out much better than this mobile edition.

Storyline aside, what will make or break this game is not witty or revealing dialogue but rather its core game play. First off, know exactly what you are getting into here – this is a 100% on-rails action game. All the locations and settings are made up of pre-rendered, albeit, highly detailed art.

You do not control the apprentice in a traditional sense as players are given no ability to maneuver him or his limbs in any direction. Once given a short description of the current mission the apprentice will appear on screen and move in a predetermined path through the level. Players only have direct control over which force powers he employs. This is inputted using the iPhone’s touch screen and using preprogrammed finger strokes or symbols that define each individual power. For instance swiping with two fingers over the screen from left to right activates force lightning while swiping two fingers from top to bottom is force pull. Therefore, the player just needs to decide which force power to employ at any given time.

The game does make an effort to add some extra strategy by making some powers have limited range but it doesn’t take much brain power to realize which power is needed at any given time.

Enemies range from generic storm troopers to AT-AT Imperial walkers and an assortment of force users. The larger array of enemies for what amounts to a cell phone game is a plus but their AI routines seem stuck in the Neanderthal period. Storm troopers will regularly do nothing but frontal assaults or just hang back and shoot while standing rooted to one spot.

Even the bosses lack complex strategy as the way to defeat them is telegraphed too easily. Some of these are actually unintentionally funny such as the Jedi master killed by always walking under a giant Venus Fly trap mutant plant. It’s a wonder how this particular master survived this long in the first place if they are moronic enough to perpetually fight you while standing underneath a carnivorous monster.

The touch screen commands work very well and thankfully the developers don’t force the player to draw symbols too complex to activate force powers. There is a bit of a learning curve but after one level you’ll more or less have it down pat. After the successful completion of a level the apprentice usually gains at least one new force power and, with the exception of one that seems pretty useless, are needed in future levels.

However, this brings up the game’s biggest hurdle – its incredible brevity. This is one short game with only six levels. The actual playtime to complete will range from 60-75 minutes depending on your skill level and that’s including the cut scenes that advance the story.

Considering when I bought this it was $9.99 that’s a pretty hefty cost to game play ratio. Replay value is exceeding low as the difficulty level is almost non-existent. After completion you do get access to survival mode but this won’t hold your attention for more than a few extra minutes. The price has decreased since then to a more reasonable $5.99 but still that leaves the game in the higher price range on the iTunes app store.

Speaking of the story it’s completely gutted and truncated in spots as those who play the console versions can attest. This rears its ugly head in the later levels when the narrative accelerates and jumps like an out of control pogo stick that you actually are left feeling as if you might have slept through numerous cut scenes. Characters change motivations in a blink of an eye or disappear from the story entirely for no reason and the final boss fight descends upon you with no notice.

It all gives the feeling that perhaps the developers had many more levels planned for this version but had to cut things out due to time constraints. This feeling carries over to other aspects of the game. The sound effects for instance are usually one of the hallmarks of a Star Wars game and it doesn’t disappoint but it gets incredibly grating to hear the same music looping over and over. There are times that due to the pre-rendered backgrounds you can’t tell where your enemies are as there were a few screens I used force push but the enemies who were hurled offscreen took forever to walk back in range for me to get at them. Also, for a game meant to be played in short bursts on the go, I encountered a few points in the game such as a dialogue sequence before a boss fight that could not be skipped or fast-forwarded. This meant if you died you had to watch the same scene over and over again until you won. If you are pressed for time you might get extremely frustrated.

Star Wars: The Force Unleashed is not close to being the iPhone’s killer app. The pre-rendered graphics are pleasant on the eye and the apprentice’s 3D model is adequate enough but it still does not feel anywhere to the hype that the phone can generate Playstation One level eye-candy. The game play will work for those looking for a relaxed experience but those wanting full control of motion better look elsewhere. With a short adventure, high price and suspect replay options the game works better as a graphical demo than a true gaming experience.

** out of ****

Developed by: Universomo
Published by: THQ Wireless Inc.
Released: 9/15/2008
Version: 1.0.11
Size: 20.2 MB

© 2009 The Galactic Pillow

Movie - Slumdog Millionaire Review

2009-02-12T13:39:00.002-05:00

Mumbai, 2006. Jamal Malik is one question away from winning 20 million rupees. How did he do it? A: He Cheated B: He’s Lucky C: He’s a genius D: It is written

Made for a paltry, by Hollywood standards, 15 million dollars, Danny Boyle’s Slumdog Millionaire is the feel good movie of the year that has seemingly come out of nowhere to entice and charm audiences from around the world. Boyle, most noted for his past work on science fiction thrillers 28 Days Later and Sunshine as well as the critically acclaimed Trainspotting staring Ewan McGregor is a surprise candidate for such subject matter but he pulls it off imbuing the movie with a near perfect recipe that is at times biting social commentary, tragic melodrama and gritty realism all enveloped in an age old parable of the powers of love and destiny.

The movie is told mainly in a series of flashbacks showing how a dirt poor Muslim orphan named Jamal Malik survived a tragic laden childhood and managed to eventually end up on India’s version of Who Wants to Be A Millionaire where he magically manages to answer questions that should elude a man of his station. His miracle run on the show draws the ire of the game show host who has the police pick him up for suspected cheating. Taken to a local police station he’s severely beaten and even electrocuted by the constables but doesn’t crack professing his innocence by recounting his life story and the events that led him to know the answers to all the show’s questions.

Director Boyle doesn’t shy away from showcasing all stratums of Indian society and as befits his humble upbringing Jamal’s past is riddled with much torment showcasing the sordid underbelly of society. The film has come under some criticism for displaying these less than honourable elements but Boyle and the other filmmakers should not be tarred and feathered for this as what is on display is universal and can happen in any corner of the globe.

That said, Boyle doesn’t pull any punches here from the harrowing mob massacre of a Muslim neighbourhood to the less than heroic gangster who picks up orphans and purposely maims them to work as blind beggars to earn more money this is society at its worst. Boyle makes his point by displaying these acts of depravity and brutal violence that undoubtedly scar Jamal, his brother Salim and Latika, an orphan girl, but serves as the origins of the trios’ friendship. From the beginning Jamal is the most timid, innocent boy who seemingly revels in life itself whereas his brother Salim plays his role as the big brother literally by becoming tough and jaded in order to protect them. However, it is young Latika whom Jamal is enamoured by from the very beginning in one of those “love at first sight” instances that transcends time.

Basically split into three eras, the movie focuses on the trio during their childhood then moves forward to their tween years and eventually finishes as it begins with them in their late teens / early twenties. The one constant throughout the years is Jamal’s undying devotion to Latika and though constantly rend apart he keeps vowing to finding and rescuing his love. Everything and everyone seems arrayed against Jamal’s quest yet he keeps persevering giving the film an enormous David and Goliath ambiance.

All this takes place against the backdrop of modern India, a country much like China that is rising from centuries of slumber to become an economic powerhouse on a path to reclaim their once prominent position in the world. This is a country in the early days of transition and Danny Boyle wastes no frame in displaying the monumental task at hand to raise the country from poverty into an International power. From the sprawling slums and the mountains of garbage that infest both land and water to towering new apartment complexes and shiny Mercedes Benz limousines this is a country that has a huge gap between those who have and those who can only worry about their next meal. While some live in almost excessive luxury the majority of the population rides trains that are so cramped people have to stand outside holding on to dear life or eke out existences in shanty towns that will bring a tear to most people watching the movie.

Still, the film is not called Slumdog Millionaire for nothing. Jamal is merely a gopher who works in a cellular call center yet through his steely will and penchant for truth he rises above his social station to win the hearts of the common man who see his performance on the show as a triumph of spirit and determination – they are living their lives vicariously through him.

Although Boyle showcases grim events not everything is so bone crushingly depressing as the movie contains more than enough wit and humour to lighten key moments and provide a welcome respite from the more dramatic underpinnings such as the scenes centering on how young Jamal and Salim pose as fake tour guides and manage to con and outwit tourists into giving them money.

Boyle manages to encapsulate a wide range of the subcontinent with breathtaking cinematography evoking awe and wonder at the many vistas of the Indian countryside to the gut wrenching ghettos made of rusting husks of corrugated steel and cold hard floors of dirt.

Though much of the credit goes to Boyle it must be said that all the thespians in their roles are utterly convincing and much kudos goes to the child actors playing the major roles who don’t fall into the trap of mugging needlessly for the camera or indulging in blatant attempts to look cute with puppy eyed innocence. These are not your usual roles that require perky children with a penchant for fast wit like Abigail Breslin in Little Miss Sunshine or doe-eyed cuteness like Macaulay Culkin in Home Alone. In fact, most of the horrendous side of humanity rears its ugly head while the trio are mere kids and though they still exude their innocence it quickly becomes tainted by adult machinations. The filmmakers have indeed accomplished this feat precisely because they managed to cast these roles from local children who actually live in these poorer areas and it shows in their realistically unsentimental performances.

Still the movie does jar and struggle a bit in its realism when we reach adulthood as our trio of characters are all played by Hollywood / Bollywood actors and actresses that seem a bit too middle class and well off then they should be. That is not to say their performances are unconvincing but watching dishevelled children in ratty clothing turn into fair maidens with perfect complexions replete with supermodel makeup is a bit hard to take. However, that is a minor concern especially since the movie focuses entirely on Jamal played by British actor Dev Patel who nails the character’s resolve and innocence in an understated performance that is sure to illicit much empathy from the audience. Here is a young man who has literally gone through hell and unlike his brother who embraces violence as a means to an end has managed to keep his wits and core beliefs intact no matter the costs.

What would a Bollywood movie be without its music? Slumdog Millionaire doesn’t make the mistake of hiring a Hollywood composer, although that might have worked but instead went and got celebrated Indian composer A.R.Rahman to pen the score and he hits it out of the park. From the beginning notes of “O....Saya” that turns quickly into frentic drums laced with haunting chorals and electric guitar riffs to the sombre yet romantic tune of “Latika’s Theme” the score manages to find incredible synergy with what is happening on screen right up to the requisite “Jai Ho” number that accompanies the massive dance sequence that completes the movie. Those who hate musicals and dancing shouldn’t worry as the number in question is there just for fun as an ode to one of Bollywood ‘s greatest assets and not part of the narrative. Then again, those who are well versed in Bollywood musicals will probably think that the one ending Slumdog Millionaire is merely average as it doesn’t really contain much dancing and features many cuts that seem to hide the fact that no one is really dancing in sequence.

Still, by the time the musical sequence begins it doesn’t really matter if Dev Patel can dance as the story has reached its emotional climax in a rousing sequence that brings the movie full circle from the opening question posited to the audience. When everything is said and done and through all the gut wrenching heartache and sacrifice, by the time Jamal gets to the final question we know intrinsically how it is going to end. This is not because the film does a bad job in masking its intent but precisely the opposite. It provides all the evidence that plays out before us that leads Jamal to his final answer. After all, it is written.

I have been going to movies for more than three decades now and the best feeling one can obtain comes when the cinema lights flash back on as the end credits roll. Although it is a personal feeling it is undoubtedly enhanced and given physical manifestation by the surrounding audience through the simple act of clapping. I’ve been in some movies where you could cut the air of disappointment with a single sheet of paper (here’s looking at you Alien 3) as you watch the audience slowly trudge and shuffle their way out the doors as if they were on their way to a funeral. Yet, you live for the moments like you get in those magical movies where just about everyone bursts out into spontaneous emotion clapping with joy from the heart as tears spew down cheeks. Slumdog Millionaire is one of those rare instances that I’ve noticed this which speaks volumes in its ability to touch a resonate chord in all who watch it.

Danny Boyle has created one of the most enthralling, gently touching, distressing and altogether gripping motion pictures of the past few years and it is one that would be criminal to miss.

**** out of ****

2008, UK/USA, 120 min, Fox Searchlight Pictures, R
Directed by Danny Boyle
Screenplay: Simon Beaufoy
Based on a book by Vikas Swarup
Producer: Christian Colson
Executive Producer: Tessa Ross, Paul Smith
Original Music by A.R. Rahman
Cinematography by Anthony Dod Mantle
Film Editing by Chris Dickens

Jamal Malik: Dev Patel
Prem Kumar: Anil Kapoor
Older Salim: Madhur Mittal
Sergeant Srinivas: Saurabh Shukla
Director: Rajendranath Zutshi
Vision Mixer: Jeneva Talwar
Latika: Freida Pinto
Police Inspector: Irrfan Khan
Youngest Salim: Azharuddin Mohammed Ismail
Youngest Jamal: Ayush Mahesh Khedekar
Amitabh Bachchan: Feroz Abbas Khan
Youngest Latika: Rubiana Ali
Middle Jamal: Tanay Hemant Chheda
Middle Salim: Ashutosh Lobo Gajiwala
Middle Latika: Tanvi Ganesh Lonkar

© 2009 The Galactic Pillow

Movie - Journey to the Center of the Earth Review

2009-02-09T16:28:00.001-05:00

Reminiscing about the past might be spurred by nostalgia about a certain place or event that happened in one’s life but it sometimes does have a negative side effect of re-evaluating said event. It happens to everyone. Things that you remember liking suddenly become sour with the passing of years. I vividly recall playing some video games that I thought had photorealistic graphics and proclaiming to the world that it would never be beaten in my lifetime! How could it get any better than Pac Man? Thankfully, I was very wrong. Playing those old games again made me realize the rose coloured glasses I had been wearing. I will always cherish those old memories and feelings but at least I can be more analytical now.

Journey to the Center of the Earth is one of those films that I might have liked if I was much younger. Say, a tender age of 10 or less. It’s full of action, humour, likeable actors and dinosaurs. I mean really, how can you go wrong with a T-Rex rampaging across the screen? Aimed at kids, the movie is more amusement ride than coherent retelling of Jules Verne’s seminal science fiction book.

Brandon Fraser plays Trevor Anderson, your typical scatterbrained university professor who has a penchant for saving coins in large jars and keeping his house in a state of perpetual clutter. A volcanologist by trade, Trevor is informed that his lab and his work will soon be repossessed and reassigned to a smirking compatriot. Upset at this turn of events things get even more complicated when his 13 year old nephew, Sean, played by John Hutcherson, is suddenly thrust upon him for the duration of his vacation.

By a stroke of luck the duo discover an old copy of Jules Verne’s Journey to the Center of the Earth and in it are written cryptic notes by Max, Trevor’s long lost brother and Sean’s dad. This find propels our heroes to fly to Iceland where they bumble upon Hannah, a guide who conveniently is the only daughter of a local professor who knew Max. Don’t you love it when things magically come together?

During a field trip the trio find themselves trapped in an underground cavern that, yet again conveniently, leads them to the “center of the earth.” Now, I don’t think I’m ruining the story for anyone as the title of the film basically gives the entire synopsis away.

Kids will probably revel in their journey as it unveils with numerous effects sequences. Older audiences though are going to be struck with a large wave of déjà vu as the movie takes great license in basically lifting these sequences from other popular movie franchises. There’s the ubiquitous mine cart ride as our trio screams and yells as the carts go careening through a maze that really makes little sense – since when would anyone design a system that resembles more a gigantic roller coaster than functional strip mine? Then there’s the lost at sea on a rickety raft set piece where thunder, lighting, high winds and crashing waves appear as if on cue. To be fair, this movie throws in carnivorous fish which I haven’t seen before in such a sequence. I already mentioned the rampaging T-Rex but there’s also your man eating Venus fly traps and floating rocks that have to be traversed over a deep chasm.

This makes the movie feel like a cheap imitation of other films and the exposition linking these scenes together falls only into two categories: 1) Light comedy highlighted by childish banter between our heroes 2) Minimalist exposition on their predicament also buttressed by childish banter between our heroes. Just about every piece of dialogue is either a setup line or the payoff joke. It gets increasingly irritating as this verbal back and forth goes on without a significant break. The only solemn part of the movie actually seems completely out of place since the comedy routine is broken for a scant few minutes.

Journey To The Center of the Earth was filmed with 3D technology and heavily marketed to highlight this selling point. Even if you watch this in regular 2D the camera shots and angles where the 3D elements should be are incredibly telegraphed. I realize that the director, Eric Brevig, is shooting this film with 3D in mind but there’s not even one original shot that utilizes the 3D effect well. Instead we get endless shots that don’t even affect the story but are meant to just shock the audience into thinking something is coming straight at them like the mouth of the T-Rex or as infantile as Brandon Fraser spitting out water right into the camera. You might shudder if you see a yo-yo fly towards you but it in no way effects the story in the least.

Since this is targeted at kids don’t expect any realism whatsoever as every law of physics and momentum does not apply. It is as if these characters don’t exist in our known universe. People fall what appears to be kilometres without a scratch and those blasted mine carts are going so fast you expect them to pop off the rails at every corner. Characters that should be roasted by hot steam or molten lava just sweat and in Hannah’s case, luminously glow. It is obvious the film’s only goal is to make kids laugh with glee. Then again my intrepid wife quite vocally pointed out that our heroes were quickly losing their clothing as the movie dragged on. Now if this were not a kid’s film...

For a film so heavily reliant on special effects it must be said that they aren’t very special. Now I did only see this movie in the 2D Blu-Ray edition but there were many instances where colours were washed out, with excessive blurs and smears and even the video quality felt like broadcast TV. It’s obvious, save for a few locations, that the whole movie has been shot on a soundstage as a few settings are barely above Star Trek level – that’s the original Star Trek from the 60’s. I almost expected to catch glimpses of barely hidden men swinging the giant Venus Fly traps back and forth that should be menacing but seem more like the plants are dancing in preparation for a luau. The big effects sequences were oddly blocked with some questionable green screen work which made characters feel totally disconnected with their backgrounds.

If you don’t buy into the action then there’s not much else to hang on to. Brandon Fraser channels his usually dopey but fun personality while Anita Briem as Hannah is mere eye candy. About the only element of her casting that is mildly fascinating is that she is in fact Icelandic which, I suppose, is meant to give her more weight as her character also comes from the same country. Then again, Hannah, her character, is the butt of a lot of odd romantic overtones from both Trevor and his nephew Sean. This is expected from the adult Trevor but when Sean calls, “Dibs on the mountain guide,” it’s slightly off-putting. This quasi-macho rivalry over Hannah drags on for huge chunks of the movie even when it is obvious she is falling for the goofy professor. Then again, this is a kid’s movie and I can think of a hundred agencies that would be up in arms if it was even hinted that she and the 13 year old kid had anything going for each other making the inclusion of this plot device wholly unconvincing.

The script never deviates from its light-hearted tone even when things look grim. Everyone is so incessantly cheery and full of confidence that their predicament is no big deal. It’s like one giant picnic except it takes place kilometres under the ground, in a cavern surrounded by molten lava, flammable hot searing gas, man-eating wildlife and gigantic fungi. Oh, I can’t forget the Disney-esque blue birds that glow in the dark, one of which actually seems to understand human speech. If this were animated it might be more palatable. Still, it is definitely good to know a sentient race of glowing birds are our friends if we ever fall down a large hole in the ground. I pity the school teacher who inevitably has to clean up this apparent logic in the classroom.

My advice, if your children really want to see this movie you can be rest assured that the violence is minimal and that they should be entertained for its curt running time. Meanwhile, adults can be free to embark on more pressing activities like washing the laundry, painting the house or getting a root canal. Really, it’s time much better spent as no amount of rose coloured glasses is going to make this movie more than a lump of coal.

*1/2 out of ****

2008, USA, 93 minutes, PG-13, New Line Cinema
Directed by Eric Brevig
Screenplay by Michael D. Weiss, Jennifer Flackett, Mark Levin
Based on a book by Jules Verne
Produced by Beau Flynn, Cary Granat, Charlotte Huggins
Executive Producers: Cale Boyter, Michael Disco, Brendan Fraser, W. Mark McNair, Alex Schwartz, Evan Turner, Tripp Vinson
Original Music by Andrew Lockington
Cinematography by Chuck Shuman
Film Editing by Steven Rosenblum, Paul Martin Smith, Dirk Westervelt

Prof. Trevor Anderson: Brendan Fraser
Sean Anderson: Josh Hutcherson
Hannah Ásgeirsson: Anita Briem
Professor Alan Kitzens: Seth Meyers
Max Anderson: Jean Michel Paré
Elizabeth Anderson: Jane Wheeler

© 2009 The Galactic Pillow

iPhone - Disney Fairies Fly Review

2009-02-03T12:03:00.002-05:00

It is admittedly sometimes really awkward to write reviews about any entertainment vehicle, be it video games or movies, which are so obviously not geared to your particular age group or demographic. Parents see this all the time with their kids. You always wonder what is going on in their minds as they see Miley Cyrus as Hannah Montana bouncing around or Pikachu blasting lightning in the newest Pokemon cartoon. What about those husbands that have been dragged on dates to see their spouses' latest chick flick like Sex in the City? Conversely, what about wives who go and see their husbands rolling on the floor laughing at Harold and Kumar: Escape from Guantanomo Bay?

That is not to say that you cannot enjoy entertainment not directed at your age or gender. It just merely means that you are not part of the developer's target demographic. Pixar animated films are great examples of this as they have garnered a hard-earned reputation of having movies appeal to all age groups and gender.

Which brings us to Disney Fairies Fly, an iPhone game based on Disney's Tinker Bell movie. Now, I'm not a girl nor am I remotely close to the age group this is meant for yet here I am reviewing this game. However, I have to say, I am a video game lover. It doesn't matter what you put in front of me, I'll still play it. I'm looking at you Hello Kitty games! As a side note, Hello Kitty Online is coming and I'm sure my wife is going to make the temporary jump from World of Warcraft to the land of the super cute feline. Also, I must admit, Tinker Bell is actually not so bad an effort for a straight to video Disney project. Kudos goes to John Lasseter for that but I digress -- you can check my Tinker Bell movie review for more information.

So back to Disney Fairies Fly. This is a game targeted to girl gamers below the age of 10. Parents should immediately be delighted to know that there is, of course, no violence whatsoever and that the whole experience is decidedly family friendly. Your goal is remarkably simple. The game is broken down into five stages linked to different areas of the fairy kingdom although at the start of the game you only have access to Spring Valley. Each stage comprises three levels which you must complete before you can proceed to the next stage. At the start of each stage you are given a choice of five (later six) fairy characters all based on the movie: Tinkerbell, Silvermist, Fawn, Iridessa, and Rosetta.

It does not really matter who you use as they all control the same way using a combination of the iPhone`s acclerometer and touch screen. Tilting the phone up makes you character fly towards the top of the screen. Tilting down does the reverse and makes your character fly towards the bottom. You have access to a dash button on the bottom right of the screen that will give your selected fairy a slight speed boost.

So what exactly is this game about? Simply put, using the aforementioned controls you are tasked to guide your fairy through the level all the while picking up objects in the form of screws, flowers, or orbs of different colours. Each successful object you pick up gains you points towards your score. The game throws obstacles in your way that you must avoid such as flying birds, bees, trees, reeds, rocks etc. If your fairy hits any of these her health (pixie power) will decrease. Hit too many of these and your game will end. Scattered somewhere in each level is a single health powerup that will restore some of your lost pixie power. The game is actually not very forgiving with these obstacles as even touching any of them with your chosen fairies`feet will cause you to lose pixie strength.

So what`s next? Nothing. That`s all the game is about for every single level, every single stage. All you need to do is fly successfully through to the end of the level whereby you proceed to the next one. There`s absolutely nothing else to do except repeat levels to get a higher score. Each of the levels can be completed in about 2-3 minutes and the overall game length comes in at about 20-30 minutes depending on your dexterity. Now I realize that is a miniscule amount of play time but take that with a grain of salt as I`m a veteran gamer and no where close to the target demographic. I`m assuming kids below ten might take a bit longer but I wouldn`t underestimate them too much as I`m sure they can barrel through this game with ease.

That brings me to the conclusion that this game is really made for the wrong platform. The Nintendo DS would make much better sense since I can`t see too many children who have their very own iPhones. This is more of the case where a parent would buy this game and just lend it to their kids to keep them temporarily occupied. Indeed the Nintendo DS does indeed have its own version of the game but it is different with many other activities and mini-games. The iPhone version seems to have been watered down to the very basics.

Being a Disney produced game it does have decent production values. All the fairies are more or less well animated and the hand drawn backgrounds from all stages are striking with a fairy tale flair to them. Music and sound effects are pleasant enough. However, the game play is totally stripped to the bare bones which is not too surprising since it is aimed at kids. Just about anyone else is going to find this offering to be completely minimalist. You can`t even move left or right horizontally on the board unless you use the dash function. I`m going to admit that I never used the dash even once and although I hit an object and got hurt it didn`t impede me at all since the game is generally so easy. The difficulty does show signs of ramping up as the stages progress but all that amounts to is a couple more obstacles thrown at you.

Like I said earlier this is not a game made for a 30+ year old die hard gamer. It`s squarely for kids and though I can`t fault Disney for doing this it doesn't mean that the end product is remotely acceptable for anyone but the youngest toddler. At $4.99 it is hard to recommend to anyone except those parents who are brave enough to lend their spanking new iPhones to their kids to mess around with.

** out of ****

Developer: Disney Mobile Studios
Publisher: Disney Mobile Studios
Released: 11/24/08
Version: 1.0.3
Size: 39.5 MB

© 2009 The Galactic Pillow

Movie - Disney's Tinker Bell Review

2009-01-30T15:25:00.001-05:00

There have been many times in the past few months where I found my mind wandering to thoughts on J.J. Abram’s new take on Star Trek. Like Batman Begins, Casino Royale or even new series such as Iron Man, Abram’s Star Trek is an origin story detailing how the characters we have come to cherish and love basically came together. For the past decade or so, Hollywood has found much to smile about with these films and although there have been a few missteps along the way audiences seem to have a real affinity in discovering how their heroes came to be.

I remember first hearing about Abram’s idea to go back to Star Trek’s roots and finding myself excited to see what he could come up with while keeping his feet grounded by the existing history. I’ve done this many times with other movies as well but never to the degree as the new Trek installment.

Which brings us to Disney’s Tinker Bell. Now, I’ve seen Peter Pan on numerous occasions and though it was charming it was never my favorite Disney animated movie. That’s reserved for The Little Mermaid. I’ve never even seen the play or had any inkling to watch the Return to Neverland animated sequel. In short, I’ve never been much of a fan.

Anyhow, when I first got wind that Disney was embarking on a origin series for Tinkerbell I must admit it was met with as much interest as having to watch paint dry. Although she’s a prominent, albeit silent, figure in Peter Pan I remember her as nothing more than, “that fairy who flew around during the Disney castle logo at the start of the film.” This new Disney project smacked me as being nothing more than another ill-advised cash grab to make money with less than stellar straight to video releases. People love and remember The Lion King but who can say the same for the umpteen sequels that have done nothing but degrade the original experience. Don’t even get me started on The Little Mermaid 2.

It is with that in mind that this new Disney Tinker Bell endeavor seemed doomed to failure. However, there were two things that did stick in my mind that gave me a glimmer of hope. First, although this was meant to go straight to video it was being made in full 3D animation. Second, John Lasseter was brought onboard as executive producer. Part of the problem with the straight to video animated sequels was the lack of animated acumen on display. With a much lower budget these films seemed to have animation only a step or two above what you’d find everyday on kids TV like Spongebob or Pokemon. This made characters move with less fluidity, backgrounds not having exquisite detail, and even the musical score and songs became generic tunes. Moving the project to 3D also seemed to have huge hurdles to leap as there was no way that a straight to video project could compete with Pixar fare but that leads us straight to John Lasseter’s involvement.

When Disney purchased Pixar in 2006 they made John Lasseter, one of Pixar’s co-founders, Chief Creative officer of both companies. If you don’t know who John Lasseter is perhaps you would be more familiar with his films, namely, Toy Story 1&2, A Bug’s Life and Cars. He also executive produced nearly all of Pixar’s hits such as Monsters Inc, Finding Nemo, The Incredibles, Ratatouille and the recent Wall-E. It is with this pedigree that he took over the reigns at Disney after the Pixar purchase. At that time the Tinker Bell project was already in production but it was mired in a string of setbacks and bad decisions that included having had a carousel of about a dozen different writers on the screenplay. Numerous reports had the project running 30-50 million over budget and what work had been completed was far from film worthy.

Now, we’ll never know exactly how much Lasseter contributed to the project but suffice to say the ship seemed to have stabilized after his arrival culminating in Tinker Bell’s release this year. We can only assume that he managed to get the project back on track and iron out the script issues.

The movie expands upon what we have previously known about the title character adding much narrative heft to the fairy world with a detailed back-story on how fairies are born the moment a human baby first smiles to the social hierarchy of the fairy kingdom. The movie opens with a newly “born” Tinker Bell arriving in the fairy kingdom and immediately has her future profession thrust upon her – shades of a dystopian science fiction society aside she is slotted to become a tinker, those fairies who are gifted with the ability to make complex equipment in order to aid others in their work.

It turns out that fairies are responsible for what goes on in the human world. Seasons change due to their meticulous work while lost toys are returned to their rightful owners. We soon discover other castes such as the water fairies who delicately place water droplets onto spider webs or light fairies that capture the sun’s rays and distribute them to fireflies.

It is into the world that Tinker Bell has arrived and soon she is marveling in wonder at how everyone around her seems to revel in their work. However, therein lies the moral crux of the film – she’s not content to be a tinker who lives and toils in the dank recesses of the ground instead dreaming on how her life would be so much better in another profession. This fundamental juxtaposition is something not only Disney movies have always touched upon as people have often felt that the grass is always greener on the other side. Of course, this would not be a children’s movie if all Tinker Bell did was mope and brood under the shadows. With tenacity and more than a touch of stubbornness Tinker Bell gets her fairy friends to try and teach her other skills in order to convince everyone that it was some sort of mistake that she was assigned to being an engineer.

The movie does a good job of setting up Tinker Bell and her circle of friends although we are not given much information on them and as a result her friends come off as colourful albeit a bit too easy to pigeonhole. That’s not out of the ordinary as this is a product for children and it makes them easily recognizable. I have no doubt young girls will easily attach themselves to anyone of these fairies. Tinker Bell herself is the highlight though and the movie does not disappoint in that regard. The focus stays on her throughout the movie and we’re drawn into her ongoing struggle to prove her worth to the other fairies.

Thankfully, the filmmakers have not gone the route of other all-girl casts ala Bratz, Winx Club or Totally Spies by imbuing their leads with too much sassiness and Charlie’s Angels faux “grrrrl power” clichés. These fairies just seem to want to help each other out of genuine friendship without overtly feminist overtones. That is not to say that you can’t make a case for over sexualization of these fairies either. Although this is a Disney product and it keeps these elements completely out of the story as evinced with Tinker Bell’s more or less easy rapport with Terrence, one of the only male supporting characters who just so happens to be the most handsome, the overall look of the film decidedly focuses on those of beauty.

I remember watching this film with my wife who remarked during one scene where Tinker Bell was moping slouched over a table that, “Wow, Tinker Bell has a big chest.” Yes she indeed does and so does every other female fairy as well. It is also a bit of a tease that the first thing Tinker Bell does when she receives an over-sized green dress is to tailor it into her trademark extremely revealing outfit. Still, this styling aside, there’s nothing even remotely romantic going on, merely the animators’ desire to make every female member of Tinker Bell’s clique look like they have fashion model figures.

What is pleasantly surprising about the whole movie is that it looks incredibly detailed with lush bright colours and gorgeous vistas. Characters move with decent fluidity of motion and facial expressions are spot on. This is still not close to a Pixar animated feature film but it’s light years ahead of what I expected for a straight to video product. If John Lasseter and those at Disney have this level of finesse in mind with regards to future products then we’re all going to be thankful for their vision.

Buttressing the colourful visuals is a light-hearted musical score with a Celtic flair and though I don’t mind listening to them in other movies it works in this movie’s favor that there are no overblown musical numbers. This is one area where I hope the new folks at Disney reign in as there’s nothing worse than a musical and dance sequence that sounds as if it were written by a tone-deaf composer coupled with overwrought dance choreography. There are two songs but they are unobtrusive, one of them playing during the end credits.

All the voice talent assembled here acquits themselves well with Mae Whitman as Tinker Bell obviously shouldering the workload whereas others such as Anjelica Huston and Lucy Liu do their best to make their characters come to life even though they have minimal screen time.

With a short 78 minute running time the movie works at a fast pace and does an admirable job of setting up the characters and the world in which they live. It’s apparent from all the minute details that the Disney team has strived to create a believable fairy world that can serve as a launching point for further adventures. Kids, especially the young girl target audience, should love what is presented here although there’s not much that might engage older adults. Still, at least it is not insulting to their intelligence.

That being said, there are a few places where the film sags. The bulk of the entire second act where Tinker Bell attempts to learn other professions overcomes its welcome with too many pratfalls and events. The addition of a semi-villain reeks of frustration as well and doesn’t fit the overall feeling of camaraderie that is so prevalent in the fairy kingdom. It makes you wonder just how this particular fairy got such a bad attitude when no one else seems to care or notice. Finally, as much as Tinker Bell owes her existence to Peter Pan it’s not really a good move to keep making reference to the source material. The filmmakers have created a wonderfully realized world of pixie hollow that has enough weight to stand on its own. I can understand this being the first Tinker Bell movie to show some hooks that link it to Peter Pan but I hope further adventures will keep the fairies firmly as the focus.

Still, Tinker Bell is a good solid first effort from the new generation of Disney filmmakers who have taken the criticisms of the past to heart. Hopefully, the days of ghastly straight to video features is long gone with a new commitment to higher production values and effective storytelling.

*** out of ****

2008 USA, 78 Minutes, Disney, G
Directed by Bradley Raymond
Character by J.M. Barrie
Written by Jeffrey M. Howard
Original Music by Joel McNeely
Art Direction by Ryan L. Carlson

Tinker Bell (voice): Mae Whitman
Rosetta (voice): Kristin Chenoweth
Iridessa (voice):Raven-Symoné
Silvermist (voice): Lucy Liu
Fawn (voice): America Ferrera
Fairy Mary (voice): Jane Horrocks
Terence (voice): Jesse McCartney
Queen Clarion (voice): Anjelica Huston

Movie - Star Wars: The Clone Wars Review

2009-01-27T14:53:00.000-05:00

Oh how the mighty have fallen. All my friends know I am a Trekkie and have always liked it more than Star Wars. I remember being in high school and being completely mollified and ridiculed that I liked Trek since Star Wars was just so inherently cool. Now, I’m not someone who will gloat. What people never seemed to understand was that I just liked Trek better. That does not mean I hated Star Wars. In fact, the original trilogy is not only some of the greatest science fiction movies ever committed to film but rather some of the best films period. Okay, I lied, Episode 6 (aka Return of the Jedi) was not very good but the first two were breathtaking forms of entertainment that to this day still resonate. Why? Precisely because we actually gave a damn what happened to these colourful bunch of characters. Sure, some of their names were a bit odd, but Star Wars and Empire Strikes Back presented wholly sympathetic heroes who all had internal issues to overcome. And overcome them they did while a galactic uprising was occurring with stupendous action sequences and effects never before seen on the silver screen.

So, believe me when I say I don’t take any pleasure in proclaiming that Star Wars as a franchise has hit a previously unfathomable new low which is saying a lot since the new trilogy prequels were less than desirable.

At first glance there is nothing wrong in theory of basing a movie and a subsequent TV series on the Clone Wars. In fact, every Star Wars fan has at sometime wondered just what exactly occurred during this time period. This shows exactly the innate power of the Star Wars franchise that made what basically was an obscure line from Episode 4 A New Hope said by Obi-Wan into this mythical part of lore. Fans will undoubtedly know what I am referring to during the scene where young Luke is talking to “General” Kenobi and Obi-wan flippantly announces that he had fought during the clone wars. This single line has sparked incredible debate amongst Star Wars aficionados.

A war, by any definition, is a ripe narrative hunting ground in which to mine many possible stories which makes the Clone Wars seem like a good era to base a new movie around. That is, until you realize what the inherent problem is in terms of the franchise – you know who can or can’t die. Yes, it might seem like no big deal but in fact, it really acts like a lead weight holding the film down as no matter the stakes involved you already know the ending. This places incredible focus on the new characters introduced as, by default, they are the only ones the screenwriters would be capable of killing.

The Clone Wars takes place firmly in the period between Attack of the Clones and Revenge of the Sith. Count Dooku’s separatists and the Republic forces are right smack in the middle of the war as things open and events continue to escalate. Dooku conceives of a plan to kidnap Jabba the Hutt’s baby son and then place the blame squarely on the Jedi Knights in order to sway Jabba into joining the Separatists.

Let’s pony up right away here. This is a film made for an intended audience of kids. This also obviously applies to the TV show. If you are an adult who grew up with the original trilogy and have harped incessantly about George Lucas messing things up royally with the prequel trilogy you should stop reading this right away and go watch Star Trek. There’s nothing here that is going to convince you that George has suddenly had a change of heart and decided to appeal to you. Lucas has stated that he’s going for a younger audience and that mentality hasn’t changed since the prequels except, in this case, it really is geared for and even younger audience.

Take all the childish moments that you felt ruined the prequels and times them by ten and you get the level of humour and dramatic tension in this film. Now, kids might eat this up, but having trade federation droids appear like morons and become the butt of all jokes runs contrary to their military design. Just who designs robots to forget simple numbers? Even though a full blown war is going on everyone on both sides has a strategic plan penned by Ed Wood. Armies clash head on making things feel like a mad dash to get to the other side of an imaginary board while our heroes think they are brilliant because they are the only ones capable of flanking their enemies. Even those plucky Spartans in the 300 knew enough to create a bottleneck. Generals of these huge armies have no plan but frontal assaults and are even tricked into drinking a cup of tea during a heated battle. I guess all the famed strategists were on holiday or not offered enough credits to show up.

Add in a buddy movie feel except between two juveniles who constantly bicker and you get a movie that feels like it belongs on Saturday afternoon right after Spongebob Squarepants. Most of this annoying bickering stems from Ahsoka Tano, the perky Togruta padawan who is newly assigned to Anakin Skywalker. Anakin himself was never a paragon of logic, letting his emotions rule the day right to the bitter end of his fall to the dark side. By introducing another character who is similar to him you can see the wheels turning in the screenwriter’s mind. This is not so bad if you intend to believe that teaching a young padawan will inevitably change Anakin into a more responsible adult. However, remember what I said earlier, you already know how it all ends so this relationship is mooted already as by definition we know it won’t work. This is a shame since it is not a bad idea trying to tame Anakin’s demons by forcing him to look after a jedi in training but what is the point in showing Anakin learning from his mistakes if we already know he discards it all in the end?

Ahsoka starts out as a whiny grating girl and basically ends the movie as she began but I didn’t mind too much as it is actually refreshing to see a female character given this much screen time. Not only that but she’s already quite competent with her force powers making her whining just a bit easier to take. What is odd is that she is more often than not right while pointing out Anakin’s mistakes of judgement. There’s no problem with apprentices sometimes being correct but it just reinforces what we already know happens to Anakin and his faulty reasoning. Just what exactly did Qui-Gon see in this kid? On a side note Ahsoka calls Anakin, “Sky Guy,” and he reciprocates by naming her “Snips.” She also has nicknames for Jabba’s son, (Stinky) and R2D2 (Artooie). Somewhere, a Ewok is crying.

Although this is geared towards children it also makes you wonder just what exactly is going to happen to Ahsoka as well since we don’t see her in Revenge of the Sith. It might make children unhappy but I can easily see how the council’s plan to make Anakin more responsible with Ahsoka can backfire if something happens to her. Then again, would the film makers of a kid’s show go that far? We’ll have to see the series for that answer.

That brings us to a prescient revelation regarding this whole endeavour that the concept is not so bad when taken in 22 minute chunks of television but as a feature film it just plain fails to engage. Pacing is wholly thrown out of whack as it feels like three or four TV episodes shoehorned together to form a tenuous plot. You can almost break down each individual episode as they go by making the whole endeavour extremely disjointed. The movie also makes the mistake of upping the action to stratospheric lengths giving us too many similar sequences. Watching a lightsaber duel in the original Star Wars between Darth Vader and Obi-Wan, or in Empire Strikes Back between father and son became a thrilling experience because the film built up tension till that occurred. These were fights between titans. Now, in the Clone Wars we get duels every ten minutes and the film betrays its childish bent by none of them resulting in emotional loss. Villains keep losing and manage to scurry away making you wonder why the good guys just don’t finish them off. This is a war after all.

Exposition is kept to the bare minimum to move the plot to yet another exotic location and when someone like Ahsoka attempts to try her hand at psychoanalysis she’s quickly blown off by a steely glance from Anakin that shuts her up. Seriously, this is a strong-willed girl who keeps telling her master off at every turn only to back off when he basically tells her to mind her own business? If she’s so concerned about the state of her master’s psyche I hope she has the smarts to ask someone during the TV show.

Most of the major prequel characters show up at sometime during the film but it mainly focuses on Anakin, Ahsoka and Obi-wan. Padme, Yoda, Mace Windu and the rest barely even register instead replaced by some truly off-kilter new characters such as Jabba’s uncle, Ziro the Hutt, who, for some inexplicable reason can speak accented English like a cross between Liberace and Michael Jackson. It’s completely jarring to say the least watching a giant slug animated with incredibly effeminate motion. One of the film’s unexpected advantages is that it tries to humanize the clone troopers which actually is a great addition as it makes you realize that beneath their same appearances lie unique individuals. This is a heartening surprise as these clones were nothing more than tools in the prequel films.

None of the major characters are voiced by their famous actors and actresses except for Mace Windu although poor Samuel L. Jackson has about five lines. Those waiting for him to say expletives are going to be waiting till the end of time. Although the replacements all attempt to mimic the original cast it also straitjackets them in their delivery as they struggle to “stay in character”. The new individuals such as Ahsoka fare much better as they have the ability to truly create their characters from scratch.

Finally there’s the actual look and feel of the animation itself. The Clone Wars is a sequel to Genndy Tartakovsky’s Clone Wars cartoon shorts released between the prequel movies and as such keeps the chiselled art style intact. What works for traditional 2D animation does not translate too well into the 3rd dimension. In still shots they look like mere 3D extensions of the 2D art but when they move it’s like watching robots stiffly yank and jerk spastically over the screen. Each model seems to be made up of the most basic number of joints which is probably why the action runs at such a fast pace in order to cover up the wooden movements. Wooden is actually the perfect adjective here as facial features are sculpted into static blocks, the only thing moving being the eyes as even the mouths appear like Pinocchio puppet jaws. It makes for an incredibly spiritless, sterile feel that further distances the audience from having any emotional attachment to these characters.

Instead of going all out with state of the art 3D techniques ala something from Pixar, this approach is incredibly low key as befits its intended TV medium. This makes one wonder just how far along in the series’ production schedule did the decision come down to change the first few episodes into a feature film. Regardless, The Clone Wars does not function as a full fledged cinematic experience. It would have gotten a far better reaction in its home TV medium. Even then, adult fanboys who loved the original prequel are going to be further removed from this new material as it doesn’t expand much beyond pretty lightsaber fights and action set pieces. Even the central questions regarding Anakin are barely touched upon, not surprising since we got the Cliff’s notes version in Revenge of the Sith anyhow.

I have indeed seen most of the first ten episodes of the TV show and while there were some competent and engaging yarns they nearly all focused on the new or previously ignored characters. Maybe this is a good sign for Lucas and company to spend more time expanding the Star Wars universe instead of treading water on characters we know too well. Unfortunately, none of that helps this clone wars movie which is both pedestrian in size and scope. If you really must see more Star Wars then I suggest you instead play, Star Wars The Force Unleashed video game that attempts and achieves a much better transition narrative between Revenge of the Sith and A New Hope. After this movie the Star Wars movie franchise is on life support hacking and wheezing like General Grievious in the last prequel.

*1/2 out of ****

2008, USA, 98 Minutes, PG, Warner Brothers/Lucasfilm Animation
Directed by Dave Filoni
Screenplay Henry Gilroy, Steven Melching, Scott Murphy
Produced by George Lucas, Catherine Winder
Original Music by Kevin Kiner
Film Editing by Jason Tucker

Anakin Skywalker (voice): Matt Lanter
Ahsoka Tano (voice): Ashley Eckstein
Obi-Wan Kenobi / 4-A7 / Medical Droid (voice): James Arnold Taylor
Clone Troopers / Captain Rex / Cody (voice): Dee Bradley Baker
Yoda / Narrator / Admiral Yularen (voice): Tom Kane
Asajj Ventress / Tee-C-Seventy (voice): Nika Futterman
Chancellor Palpatine / Darth Sidious (voice): Ian Abercrombie
General Loathsom / Ziro the Hutt / Kronos-327 (voice): Corey Burton
Padmé Amidala (voice): Catherine Taber
Battle Droids (voice): Matthew Wood
Jabba the Hutt (voice): Kevin Michael Richardson
Rotta the Huttlet (voice): David Acord
Mace Windu (voice): Samuel L. Jackson

"The Times They Are-A-Changing" - The Final Frontier

2009-01-20T13:54:00.004-05:00

Space the Final Frontier,
These are the voyages of the starship Shenzhou 15,

As I sit here at my computer reminiscing about my most memorable events of the past twelve months my thoughts, as they so often want, turn to Star Trek but this time not so much centered on Kirk and co warping to distant stars to seek out new civilizations but instead much closer to home, namely the Earth and its moon.

During the first week of August 2008 the world was glued to their TV sets not because of the economic turmoil that was about to descend like some petulant alien invasion but rather all eyes were on Beijing for the start of the summer Olympics. This was a grand spectacle like no other, probably never to be rivaled at least in the short term. Just how many countries could mount such a lavish production and spend upwards for $40 billion dollars on staging the games and the related infrastructure needed to accommodate them. To put that into perspective that’s the entire yearly nominal GDP of the Dominican Republic or Oman or Syria. That’s about 1/3 the nominal GDP of Egypt and a staggering amount of investment by any measuring yardstick.

This was a ceremony on such a scale that it demands to be seen more than once in order to process everything involved. From the opening Fou drummers to the movable type blocks controlled completely through manpower to a gigantic globe rising from a hidden compartment in the stadium floor, the show was simply breathtaking. Featuring over 15,000 performers, the number actually exceeded the total number of athletes competing. I hate to quote TV commentators, as most usually talk excessively during these broadcasts but for once NBC's Bob Costas said it right when he chimed in, “In terms of opening ceremonies, retire the trophy.”

Veteran director Zhang Yimou, armed with a virtually unlimited budget and given the manpower of a small army, let loose all his creative artistry in a cornucopia of dazzling colours and intricately tailored costumes all enacted with military precision, a fact not lost to many in the Western media who kept harping about goose stepping soldiers. I’m not going to bother talking about the political impact of the Olympics other than to say this was China’s coming out party and it went off without a hitch. Even quasi scandals like a lip syncing girl and computer aided special effects that were splashed all over the Western media did little to tarnish the accomplishment especially since it was later revealed that other Olympics one-upped China in that department – one girl lip syncing is rather tame when compared to the entire Sydney Symphony “pretending” to play during Sydney’s Olympics in 2000.

Soon after the Olympic glow faded and the world crassly turned its attention elsewhere, the Paralympics started in Beijing with a ceremony of unprecedented emotion. The Olympic opening was definitely grand, showcasing China’s five thousand year history but the Paralympic one had something that was palpably missing from its more famous sibling, namely heart. This was a show that truly touched those involved and while Li Ning running along the rim of the Bird’s Nest during the Olympic opening ceremony was certainly the highlight who could have expected the feat to be equaled a mere few weeks later as Hou Bin , a wheelchair athlete, used his brute strength to literally pull himself off the floor and directly up a pulley leading to the flame -- incredibly heart warming and something that I recommend everyone to see if they can manage to find a copy of it. Those living in Toronto can easily pick up a copy of both the Olympic and Paralympic opening and closing ceremonies from Chinese megamalls in Pacific Mall (Steeles and Kennedy) and First Markham Place (Highway 7 between Warden and Woodbine Avenue). Just be warned that they are broadcast in Chinese and those looking for an English version would probably be better off ordering them from NBC.com or getting someone from the USA to ship them to you.

However, though Beijing soon said goodbye to the world’s athletes the government had other plans to celebrate which leads us to the Shenzhou 7 mission which took China back to the stars, this time to accomplish what only the USA and Russia had previously – a manned spacewalk. The Chinese leadership had this all planned and yes, it is propaganda on a grand scale but what the heck, it worked. While no one can say the world was glued during the spacewalk the political implications are obvious and reinforced the message brought forth during the Olympics – China is back and they are gunning to recapture their former eminence.

Throughout the ebbs and flows of human history, civilizations have come and gone but they have all left an indelible mark on us. From the earliest human settlements based along river valleys like the Nile, the Tigris-Euphrates or the Yellow river, empires have risen, fallen, risen again or just plain disappeared into the sands of time.

It was watching Col. Zhai Zhigang, the Chinese taikonaut (the Chinese term for astronaut), bounce around in space while waving the flag of the PRC that I decided to learn a bit more about the Chinese space program just to see how it was faring and came across this rather odd logo of the Chinese National Space Agency (CNSA). Imagine my surprise, shock, and just plain laughter when it immediately dawned on me why this logo was so strangely familiar although I had never seen it before.

Trekkers around the world will no doubt join me in a gentle chuckle as they realize that the CNSA logo is an odd combination of the United Federation of Planet’s flag and the Starfleet command delta and I remember my first reaction was to pen a blog entry along the lines of, “The Federation has been born today -- not in San Francisco but in Beijing!” However, my initial amusement didn’t last long as I began to seriously ponder what I had just postulated. Can it really be possible that the future of space exploration to other planets be headquartered anywhere else other than the USA? What seemed preposterous even a decade ago was by far a murkier question in the present especially once the economic downturn hit with full force.

The world most definitely is stuck in a deep recessionary cycle right now. Some might even deem it a depression but about the only thing people can agree on is that it is a global phenomenon. This is not a local instance such as Japan in the early 90s that sank into recession while the rest of the world steamed ahead. With talk of the president-elect Obama postulating budgetary deficits in excess of 1 Trillion per year the American economy is reeling and that is not even counting the many industries on the brink of bankruptcy including Detroit’s big three automakers.

China itself has also seen a sharp decline in forecasts as it is so greatly linked by exports to the falling American economy. Still, industry analysts are predicting somewhere between 6-8% growth in the PRC while it is flat, or at worst, contracting in other parts of the world. In short, China might be limping with a hobbled foot but there are many countries that are taking multiple blows straight to the head during this unprecedented crisis.

Amidst all this doom and gloom president-elect Obama has hinted at a plan not well covered by many in the media of forcing NASA and the Pentagon to jointly work together in order to cut costs and better compete in the coming space race. Surely, economically this makes some sense as it has the potential to remove competing programs and wasted fat in both agencies but the political inference here is obvious – the coming space race between the USA and who? Well, it’s not the Russians although they still possess formidable resources and have the most efficient launch vehicle in the Soyuz program. No, Obama is focusing on the land of 1.3 billion people and its current headlong drive to modernize itself.

China has already stated the moon is its ultimate goal while President Bush has countered that America will also return to Earth’s satellite. The problem with the American program is that the Ares 1 rocket designed to carry the new Orion crew capsule is running behind schedule leaving NASA with the unenviable task of either delaying the retirement of the space shuttle or booking sorties exclusively with the Russian Soyuz as being the only launch vehicle available a plan that will undoubtedly cause much loss of face and political capital – how does it look if the world’s only remaining superpower can’t get back into space by itself and has to basically rent time on Russian space vehicles?

With the combination of both NASA and the pentagon the hope rises that the military’s proficiency in missile technology can be augmented to fit NASA’s needs as a vehicle to launch the Orion into orbit. Of course, everything is theoretical as Ares 1 and Orion are only scheduled to be completed around 2015 putting it dangerously close to the earliest estimates of a Chinese moon launch window. Any delay would push the American space program further back to 2020 giving China an opportunity to beat them back first.

I remember going to the online forums to see what people around the world were saying about this purported space race and as usual my fellow citizens didn’t disappoint me in the amount of vitriol spouted from all sides. If one could distill those comments to something more palatable it would inevitably be something close to, “Why go back to the moon since we’ve already beaten them there? There’s no reason to get there second – they’ve already lost before they’ve begun.” To others running along the lines of, “We deserve to go there and no one can stop us!”

This one incident really made me ponder the issue at hand which, on the surface reads as nothing more than a political power play between competing nations and indeed online citizens from around the world have read it as precisely that. On one hand they are absolutely correct but there’s a deeper underlying issue here that cuts right across country lines and its one that people should focus more on but don’t due to everyone’s inherent prejudices.

Even though earning a bronze in spacewalking is no small feat although it comes decades after the Russians and Americans accomplished the same goal and gunning for the silver with a moon landing is admirable these events just emphasize an inherent human flaw. Although this was a time for China to shine and for patriotism to run rampant throughout the Chinese mainland and for Americans to shrug their shoulders in an apparently transparent attempt to hide their concerns, I couldn’t help but think about how ridiculous humanity as a whole truly is to be put in this situation.

To bring back Star Trek, this is a Kobayashi Maru no-win scenario that mankind keeps repeating no matter the costs. Countries might rise and fall but mankind never seems to learn its lesson for as great a moment as it was for the Chinese people, in terms of mankind it was basically treading water. Imagine a more utopian world where everyone worked as one to accomplish feats of wonder and you begin to realize how ridiculous it is to keep harping about individual countries. Imagine a future like in Trek where humanity is united as one entity whose only goal is to better oneself and to explore space.

In a world like that, whoever got to the moon in the first place would reveal all the secrets to the world so that everyone would benefit and be on the same page. Wishing thinking? Of course it is. Will it ever happen? Probably not in our lifetime or, if history is the judge, possibly never unless some external threat like some alien race appears and threatens the world. Only then would the world unite against a common foe or so you hope.

So, this is ultimately depressing looking at the superpowers duke it out for bragging rights as to who is going to go back to the moon and beyond. It is simple human nature to protect what you have at the expense of others, a trait that unfortunately is all too common. I have no doubt some of us are more altruistic but I reckon those numbers are few. I am not purporting to claim that we humans are inherently bad, merely that our concern with human created institutions like countries, religion, and race often times colours our judgment as to the greater picture.

In the entire universe we live on a tiny speck of dust. I previously challenged people with a simple question asking about our place in the universe. Who knows but one thing is for sure, we’re all alone here amongst the starry night and though it is sometimes impossible to fathom, until we meet someone else, we better figure out how to make the best of things. Maybe there’s a race of sentient pillows watching us right now shaking their “heads” thinking we’re a bunch of uncivilized barbarians. Imagine a world where everyone works together to tackle salient issues of the day – cures for diseases like Cancer and AIDs; renewable energy sources and recyclable materials; basic food, clothing and lodging from everyone; it’s all in the realm of possibility if only we stopped playing petty politics.

Yeah, it sounds like one big dream and it is. I’m not saying anything other smarter people haven’t already thought about. It’s just ridiculous if you sit back and watch the glacial pace of human progress.

There is a concept in Star Trek that diehard fans will no doubt know as being the Vulcan philosophy of IDIC which stands for, “Infinite Diversity in Infinite Combinations.” The story goes that the Vulcan people were originally an extremely warlike race with violent tendencies. The wise Vulcan philosopher Surak realized that if they continued down this path it would lead to their ultimate destruction so in response he advocated logical thought and reasoning as a way to lead his people away from confrontation. Of course, this being science fiction, it led to the Vulcan people to look deep within themselves and discover ways to control their emotions and over the centuries they developed into the Vulcans we know and love who are walking examples of pure logic, emotion being buried deep within and shunted into some dark recess of the mind.

IDIC though has further meaning, not just in repressing emotion but it advocates that people should celebrate and gain spiritual enjoyment through the acknowledgment that everyone is different and that human created institutions and concepts like race, colour, creed and religion should never take precedence over the spirit of cooperation and empathy for your fellow man.

Now, I’m a big Trek fan but I don’t pray to the church of Roddenberry but what he created in the Vulcan IDIC is essentially one of the main reasons people have gravitated to the show’s incredibly optimistic view of humanity’s future that precisely postulates that indeed we have learned our lessons, fixed up our planet and now cruise through the stars with altruistic motives. Other science fiction movies and TV shows are so often wrought with angst and posit less than utopian views on humanity that in many cases has brought itself closer to extinction. In this light, Trek is one of the only franchises to actually show that humanity can actually accomplish much if only we collectively worked together.

So, as we watch human politics play out over the course of our lives we really should be mindful of the greater goal. It doesn’t matter except to those short-minded individuals that an American, Neil Armstrong, was the first man to step onto the moon. It shouldn’t matter if the next person in 2015 who gets back is Chinese either. Maybe the first person to set foot on Mars will be an Indian or a Russian. Let’s stop worrying about which country gets there first and take Armstrong’s words at face value, “That’s one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind.” If we are united there’s nothing we can’t handle. Let’s just revel and applaud the fact that we as a race can accomplish feats of absolute wonder.

As I look at the CNSA symbol, it doesn’t matter one bit if Starfleet begins in some remote corner of China or if the first starship has giant Chinese characters splattered over the saucer section (Trek!). Does it really matter if the language they speak onboard is English, Chinese, German, Russian or Japanese? If your answer is “yes” then perhaps it’s a good time to look yourself in the mirror and ask yourself why?

If Zhang Yimou puts on a grand Olympic opening ceremony or Steven Spielberg wins an Oscar for Schindler’s List, let’s take it upon ourselves to be benevolent enough to acknowledge the contributions to their art and enjoy the beauty of their creation. We’ve spent enough wasted time jostling amongst ourselves and reinventing the wheel a million times over. Let’s instead go back to the moon and then, “To infinity...and beyond!” Only then can we meet those sentient pillows.

*Olympic Photo credit Jeff Gross / Getty Images*

Movie - Speed Racer Review

2009-01-19T13:01:00.001-05:00

With their new movie, Speed Racer, the Wachowski Brother’s have succeeded in taking their technical wizardry to a new level by making one of the most intricately beautiful movies ever committed to film with dazzling colours and futuristic locales. Just about every film cell would make a wonderful wallpaper on your PC with its stunning blend of live actors and state of the art computer graphics. Unfortunately, while Speed Racer definitely looks immaculate in still shots, it fails miserably in providing even the most basic element of fun with its ham-fisted attempt at a plot that is inundated with a bizarre blend of childish platitudes and garish machine-gun style editing that does nothing but draw attention to itself at the expense of creating a unified world. This is MTV editing taken to the nth degree as no one at Warner Brothers has seemed to be able to reel the directing brothers back. With no constraints imposed on them they’ve taken their daring camera work learned on the Matrix Trilogy and let their imaginations run wild to disastrous results.

Based on the classic Speed Racer cartoon from the 60s, this new version more or less follows the original with a few extras thrown in. The film follows the exploits of Speed Racer (Emile Hirsh), a young teenager who has had a penchant for racing since he was a boy. Now of age he enters the lucrative racing circuit in an attempt to become the champion. Complicating matters is the fact that all of the other competitors are backed by mega corporations with wads of cash at their disposal while Speed races for a literal “mom and pop outfit” headed by his father (John Goodman) who so happens to be a brilliant auto engineer. As Speed’s reputation rises he is immediately courted by an obviously slimy billionaire, E.P. Royalton (Roger Allam) who, wants Speed to join his corporate team. Speed’s refusal sends Royalton into a rather hackneyed rage and he vows that Speed’s career is effectively over.

With a relatively simple setup it is a wonder how the overall movie feels disjointed and remarkably unfocused. Simply put, the Wachowski Brothers’ reliance on visual gimmickry and stylistic flair completely overwhelms the actors and the narrative heft they are attempting to portray. Somber scenes drag and are surprisingly devoid of emotion while even the action sequences largely fail to generate needed excitement nor tension.

If you have an actor or an action sequence planned it is always necessary to convince the audience of its plausibility. It doesn’t matter if you fantastical elements like laser beams or rocket launchers stuck to the side of the car as long as the audience buys in to the world that is presented to them. Take a humanistic example such as martial artist cum actor Jet Li. Unlike other “pretend” martial artists you know he knows his stuff and as a director this should influence you on how you create and block an action sequence using him. With an actor who is basically faking a preset amount of moves, chances are you are going to use many quick cuts, close ups, slow motion, or other visual tricks to basically hide the fact that your actor is a novice. Now, if you were filming Jet Li you’re going to hopefully do the opposite and draw your focus back to see his entire body. You’re going to let the camera run with longer takes and basically watch him do his work since there’s no point in chopping up the action into little pieces to give the audience the impression that he knows what he is doing since, well, he really does know his stuff.

With Speed Racer we’re talking about racing not hand to hand combat, although for some reason, the Wachowski Brothers have decided to showcase some martial arts anyways but the fundamentals are the same. Racetracks just merely exist with no rhyme or reason or even easy indicators to show their layout. The lack of visual cues means you are just presented with miles of track that seem to loop or wind with no sense of scale or purpose. Even during a rally style race that takes place mid film we’re shown environments that seem to have been constructed to meet the demands of being cool rather than having any real function.

Constant and endless quick cuts and some surprising odd angles make the action choppy with no sense of fluidity. Cars explode or go careening into obstacles with regular ease but there’s no weight with the audience as none of the drivers have any personality whatsoever. Not to mention no one actually dies. This being a kid’s film a horrific accident just results in someone ejecting or a parachute being deployed. This is an obvious oversight as all of Speed’s competitors are not fully fleshed out. Actually, they’re not even given any motivation whatsoever except the slimmest desire to just win at all costs.

To say the visual wizardry overshadows the cast is an understatement. Promising young actor Emile Hirsh is reduced to posturing and furrowing his eyebrows while even veteran stalwarts John Goodman and Susan Sarandon are pigeonholed into one-dimensional character studies. Villains are over the top but Roger Allam’s megalomaniac takes scenery chewing so far beyond the limit that you almost expect his eyeballs to pop their sockets or his character to suffer a heart attack with his sputtering tirades. Add in a completely humorless chimpanzee which, while is nod to the original cartoon, is so out of place that it makes you wonder if even kids will get a kick at his antics.

That brings to light just what exactly kids will make of this film. At 135 minutes the movie doesn’t exactly barrel along at light speed but rather starts and stops as the engine struggles to move the film forward. That is to say the overall pacing seems slow although the visuals are working on hyperdrive. It is rather odd that everything feels languid and without a real sense of purpose even though the action is over the top. The two-hour running time is bolstered with an off-tangent and completely extraneous side story centered on rival racer Taejo (Korean megastar Rain) whom Speed needs to aid. This effectively cuts the movie into two and throws the pace even more off kilter.

With visuals that seem to meld 60’s acid trips with 21st century graphics, the Wachowski brothers have created what should be a visual delight but instead the experience is literally dizzying. Throw in a vapid storyline and you have a recipe for nausea-induced headaches. I sincerely doubt this was the reaction the brothers had in mind when they agreed to tackle this project.

*1/2 out of ****

2008, USA, 135min
Directed by Andy Wachowski, Larry Wachowski
Writing credits: Andy Wachowski, Larry Wachowski
Produced by Grant Hill, Joel Silver, Andy Wachowski, Larry Wachowski
Executive producer: Bruce Berman, Michael Lambert, David Lane Seltzer
Original Music by Michael Giacchino
Cinematography by David Tattersall

Speed Racer: Emile Hirsch
Trixie: Christina Ricci
Pops Racer: John Goodman
Mom Racer: Susan Sarandon
Racer X: Matthew Fox
Rex Racer: Scott Porter
Spritle Racer: Paulie Litt
E. P. Arnold Royalton: Roger Allam
Jack 'Cannonball' Taylor: Ralph Herforth
Taejo Togokahn: Rain
Horuko Togokahn: Nan Yu

iPhone - Everest: Hidden Expedition Review

2009-01-14T15:52:00.005-05:00

One of the surprising aspects of the new Apple 3G iPhone is just how robust the game selection is. Traditionally, Macs have lagged far behind PCs in this area with most gaming companies totally ignoring bringing their games to OSX. Those that do sometimes release ports of their wares months, even years, after the PC release. Therefore, it’s a joy to see Apple beginning to come around and noticing that the gaming market is incredibly lucrative and, if the reports are correct, the bulk of iPhone APP store purchases are indeed from video games. The biggest problem for consumers though is trying to wade through the copious amount of below par software that is available on iTunes to try and find the gems. Confounding this even more is the severe lack of online reviews and articles about the available software. Relying on comments in iTunes is just about useless as most are nothing more than knee-jerk reactions praising the game as the best thing since sliced bread or the worst piece of garbage ever to be coded. Hopefully, in the future, some of the bigger video game sites will see that iPhone/cell phone gaming is going to boom.

This brings us to Everest: Hidden Expedition an iPhone port of a PC title made by veteran casual game developer, Big Fish Games. To understand what exactly the game entails one just needs to see what genre it comes from on Big Fish Games’ website – the Hidden Object Game. The goal of the game is simple. Under the rather flimsy pretense that the player is in a race with three other teams to find the treasures and secrets of Everest the game takes you on a worldwide adventure to find clues to unlock the mystery. My advice? Ignore the pastiche of a plot and focus on what you are really tasked to do.

Putting it simply, the game presents you with a static, though nicely drawn piece of art showing the location you are currently searching for clues except the whole picture is filled with numerous objects of every type from sports equipment, fruit, animals, vases to guns and swords. It’s as if someone threw all their belongings out onto the street in a jumbled mess. The object of the game is to find the items that the game asks of you. For example, you make it to Hong Kong. As soon as the image of Hong Kong appears a smaller text list of items is displayed at the bottom of the screen. These are the items you need to find in the image. A simple tap on the correct item removes it from your list.

To attempt to add some tension a progress bar runs below the picture showing the various teams and how well they are doing finding the objects. Obviously, three teams are A.I. controlled but the player has his/her own indicator as well. With every successful item found the progress bar jumps ahead on the bar. A.I. teams just increase at a steady rate unless you try to cheat and randomly mash your fingers all over the screen in a vain effort to click items you need. In this case the game will cause your iPhone to shake and penalize you by boosting the progress of your A.I. competitors.

If you really do get stuck trying to find a particular object do not despair as there’s a hint timer given to you. This works like a clock by having a hand turn clockwise over the face. After it does one complete rotation it lights up indicating to the player that a free hint has become available. If you press the face of the clock the game will automatically reveal the general location of one of your pending items. While this might sound like you can just afford to sit back and wait till the clock fills over and over to reveal items let it be known that the time wasted would inevitably make you lose to the A.I. teams.

Now, I can hear what you are thinking already – Is this fun? Well, it all depends on what you are looking for. Action gamers should stay far away as the game just boils down to something akin to “Where’s Waldo?” The challenge presented to you is that the items are ingeniously placed on the image so that they blend in extremely well with the environment. A pea pod for example could be placed in the midst of forest plants to obscure it from your view. There is definitely a sense of satisfaction to be had when you discover a particularly well hidden item.

However, if you are not a patient person the game can easily frustrate. There are sure to be times where you want to rip your hair off when you can’t find a needed object. The game’s pace is incredibly sedate with mellow sound effects to boot. I must admit I almost dozed off at one point as I was lying on the floor. My advice – don’t play this if you are already tired and sleepy.

The game though does have a few design quirks that are rather odd and while they don’t ruin the game it gives the impression that the QA team was a bit sloppy in missing them or else the developers didn’t foresee different playing styles. The game, like nearly every casual game in existence, is designed to be played in short bursts such as finishing one location during each play session. The reason why this is easy to discern comes if you decide, like I did, to play large chunks at once. If you do you’ll quickly realize the spastic random way the item list you need to find is generated.

Although the game has many locations there is a lot of backtracking to previous stages. You might start the Hong Kong level, go to Ankor Watt, then Japan and then back to Hong Kong again. The problem lies here when you return to a previous stage as the game has a wicked tendency to ask you to find many of the same items again. If you are playing continuously you are more apt to remember the location of items you just found mere minutes ago. Another problem that may or may not affect players lies with the items themselves. For the most part 99% of them are everyday objects but you’re going to be up a creek if you have no idea how Yin and Yang or a Nautilus looks like. The only recourse if you really don’t have a clue is to use the hint feature.

Those players with a keen eye will find that the game is not particularly difficult and rarely will the A.I. come close to filling the progress bar before you. Even though there are many locales the basic game never changes which leads to monotony quite quickly. Finally, like nearly every game I’ve played on the iPhone to date, once beaten there’s really nothing to bring you back for more. Even worse, there’s no scoring system other than what position you placed in regard to the A.I. teams.

Everest: Hidden Expedition is definitely not a game for everyone with its sedate pacing and brain-cramping game play it might frustrate more than titillate. Actual game play amounts to nothing more than an image treasure hunt. Still, the game does sport higher than usual production values and those who like their games that stimulate their brainpower more than their dexterity might find this title much to their liking. It’s too bad that Big Fish Games didn’t attempt to spice things up between levels by adding new features. Trudging through hours of image hunting takes its toll and without a big payoff it feels more like work than fun.

**1/2 out of ****

Developer: Big Fish Games
Published by: Big Fish Games
Size: 118 MB
Version: 1.1
Released: 11/14/2008

TV - Heroes Season Two Review

2009-01-07T14:55:00.000-05:00

Heroes Season One, while it had some rough spots, was not only a shining example of science fiction done right but had enough thrills, chills and plot twists to rival the best TV has to offer. It deftly juggled a multitude of characters all the while infusing them with enough humanity and gumption to keep audiences enamored as fans lit up forums in an attempt to decipher all the show's mysteries. In this sense it was a phenomenon very much like the first season of Lost, another science fiction ensemble show that premiered to great acclaim. Although the season ended with a rather clunky mishandling of the cliffhanger, hopes were high that Heroes would continue to present compelling storylines in its sophomore season.

The unfortunate answer is that it did not. In fact, it took just about everything commendable and established in the first season and proceeded to tear them down one by one leaving audiences aghast at some of the poorly implemented story elements and stylistic choices that did nothing but confuse and frustrate. Some of this can be blamed on 2007’s writer’s strike that basically paralyzed Hollywood and led to many shows having truncated seasons. Originally scheduled for a full season run of 24 episodes, Season 2 of Heroes became stunted and forced to end at episode 11. This gives the season an incredibly off kilter pacing as storylines are forced into premature resolution.

Still, this constitutes only part of the problem. It is evident from the season premiere that creator Tim Kring and his writing staff have tried to generate more intrigue by basically fast forwarding the show four months after the end of Season One. That, in of itself, is not an inherently bad idea but in doing so, instead of adding to the building mythos it totally deconstructs and resets whole character arcs so much so that it becomes jarring and adds too much confusion for the audience to grasp or follow. Some of the main characters are not even introduced until many episodes into the season while others are unceremoniously written off the show entirely.

While the entire narrative thrust of the first season culminated in the heroes all converging on a specific location and acting in concert to avert disaster, season two callously rends them apart once more. It’s a bit of a stretch that these neophyte heroes would even go their separate ways on their own accord once they find others who, like them, are becoming more at ease with their super powers. You would think the first reaction would be to stay together to try and figure out their collective place in the universe.

All the characters undergo some truly odd and awkward transitions in their new storylines. Season one standouts Hiro and Claire actually suffer the most by being saddled with pointless meandering plots that, especially in the case of Hiro, seem totally disconnected to the main narrative of the season. Admittedly, there is a surprise in his narrative arc that attempts to bring disparate plots together but it comes off as wholly manufactured and, even worse, totally unconvincing. Claire however, spends the season reenacting almost the very same storyline she had in the first season as she perpetually butts heads with her dad while suddenly finding love at her new high school. What follows is a silly teen romance ripped from the pages of The O.C. with an added dash of Smallville. Why? Because her new boyfriend has the power of flight. You’d think his name was Clark Kent although he lacks any sort of sense whatsoever as he decides to fly around in broad daylight even though he does not want anyone to discover his secret.

Other core characters don’t fare much better such as super-powered Peter Petrelli and Sylar both of which are again saddled with arcs that take forever to get going. In Peter’s case the writers seem so bereft of ideas that they pull out the oldest trick in the book by making him lose his memory and then shipping him off to Ireland to fall in love with a local lass. Season one supreme bad guy Sylar comes off even worse. Stripped of all his powers he does nothing but glower menacingly at newcomers Maya and Alejandro who are some of the blandest characters ever to be introduced on network television. This trio spends the entire eleven episodes on an exasperatingly dull road trip from Central America to New York. We barely get to know them at all and even when we are given a hint of a back story the writers decide enough is enough and off one of them in one of the most anticlimactic fashions ever devised.

Both Mohinder and Niki are almost criminally underused in season 2 but this is not such a bad decision since when they do appear they seem to have lost all sense of logic and, even worse, been infected with a virulent strain of the stupids. How else would you explain Mohinder cozying up to The Company and betraying his friends? Niki is a whole different story as it is painfully obvious that the show runners have little inkling on how to move her character forward. This stance is ultimately revealed when they finally decide on a direction during the season finale.

Another new character is introduced by the name of Monica who so happens to be related to Niki and her son Micha and although her power to mimic anything she sees shows signs of progress, again the execution falls far below expectations.

About the only character who actually shows promise from season one is Matt Parkman who begins to expand his powers while finding the time to raise young Molly. He becomes the most humanistic caring figure and one can easily identify with his struggles especially when he soon comes to heads with his father who abandoned him when he was a mere pup. The other plus is the inclusion of ex-Veronica Mars alum, Kristen Bell who plays a character much unlike the chirpy teen sleuth that gained her fame. Her character, Elle, comes off as being playfully sadistic and seemingly lacking a moral compass. It’s a shame she is so underused. One can hope we see more of her interacting with the other heroes in the next season.

Making matters worse is that the season contains a wide variety of plot holes, strange logic and a lack of overall tension. Season one worked so well in part because it distilled every plotline into the simple catch phrase of, “Save the cheerleader, save the world.” Nearly everything revolved around this giving the characters a razor sharp motivation to extend their efforts. Season two squanders many hours before revealing the major narrative thrust of a virus that would be released with the potential to wipe out 93% of the world population. However, this is revealed much too late and then, because of the writer’s strike, all together truncated so it never feels anywhere as calamitous a proposition than the nuclear bomb going off in season one even though the stakes are higher.

As everyone knows I am a big Star Trek fan. As Trek grew and grew and grew and more series were made the show runners realized that the amount of Trek lore, technological jargon and history was beginning to become unwieldy. In order to attempt to keep errors to a minimum they had a team of people whose only job was the make sure new episodes did not contradict older ones. The team sought out these problems and informed the writers if any violations were found.

Heroes only had one full season under its belt but it is amazing how the show runners run smack head first into problems with their own mythology and guidelines. In fact, there appears to be no such guidelines in place. Part of showcasing a super hero is also showing their Achilles heel (i.e. for Superman it was kryptonite) or at least thoroughly explaining the extent of their superpowers. The show doesn’t even bother to create boundaries leaving the viewer constantly scratching their heads wondering, “I didn’t know it worked like that.”

Looking at new character Monica is one such example. Here you have a character that can mimic any action she sees. Therefore, if she sees a wrestling match she can suddenly replicate the complicated move with precision. We see her later learning martial arts and this finally culminates with her receiving a video iPod filled with many useful moves just in case she gets into trouble.

The problem is we, as the viewer, have no idea how her power actually works as it is never explained in any detail. Once she sees it does she always remember or does she naturally forget? It might not sound like a major problem but the show doesn’t even make an attempt to enlighten us.

Later in the show Monica has a chance to basically illegally enter a house and steal a stack of valuable comics. We immediately see her turn on her iPod and watch video of someone doing parkour up to the second floor of a house. This gives Monica the ability and she proceeds to follow suit. However, we run smack dab into a conundrum. Her power is absolute mimicry yet the house in the video is not the same house she has to burgle. As the episode progresses she is captured but this raises another issue. If she only has to see something once in order to mimic it then why didn’t she watch the whole wealth of video on the iPod before she did anything? Wouldn’t it make more sense to be totally prepared? After all, it is quite clearly shown that many hours pass before she has the guts to do the deed. This is what occurs when you don’t write firm rules and it gives the impression that the writers are just winging it and making it all up on the spot.

That’s not to say that season two doesn’t have any redeeming qualities. The production values are still excellent and some of the story elements are decent but there are unfortunately more misses than hits. Take for instance poor Ando, Hiro’s best friend and constant buddy from season one. Just about everywhere Hiro went Ando was with him and part of the charm was watching the duo get into and out of tough predicaments. Season two keeps both friends apart by sending Hiro back in time and keeping Ando in the present. This is not so bad until you realize that all Ando is doing this time is sitting in his office or lab and reading out loud about Hiro’s exploits in the past. Talk about a waste of a character.

There’s also the problem with Claire’s blood which suddenly has become the Holy Grail of cures. Although we know she has regenerative powers we see her blood becoming a massive plot point and even in some cases, being able to bring people back from the dead. I don’t know about you but if someone were ever found to be like Claire everyone in the world would be clamoring for drops of her plasma. This also complicates the story since it gives the writers an easy way out to explain horrific injuries to major characters. Not to mention, you’d think some villain or evil country would want to capture her and just hook her up to a blood extracting machine for the rest of her life to manufacture this miracle cure. Hmmm, maybe a plot for a future season?

Season one was blessed with a wonderfully sadistic villain in Sylar but due to his loss of power he’s reduced to window dressing. His replacement is the enigmatic Adam Monroe who is one of the least threatening villains ever to be conceived. This brings us to another issue with Season two in that many heroes find out they share the same super power. Anyone who reads comic books will realize that there is some overlap in this regard but for a show entering only its second year the extreme lack of imagination is glaring as there’s not even a hint of difference in some cases. Take Nathan Petrelli who can fly and then Claire’s new boyfriend, West, who, also can fly. How about Adam Monroe’s regeneration skill which is the exact skill Claire is endowed with? In this case why doesn't anyone capture Adam and use his blood instead? This strips away some of the allure from these characters and gives the impression that these traits are common amongst all these enhanced humans.

In the end, Season two is a huge comedown in quality from season one so much so that it almost completely torpedoes the franchise. Thankfully, the characters, although damaged, still retain their inherent qualities that endeared them to viewers. It will be up to Tim Kring and his writing staff to hopefully think things through and get the show back on track for season 3. If not, viewers will continue to turn the channel and Heroes will end up being a one season wonder. At this rate you almost hope they pull a Dallas and tell everyone that last season was just a dream.

*1/2 out of ****

2007, USA
Created by Tim Kring

Peter Petrelli: Milo Ventimiglia
Nathan Petrelli: Adrian Pasdar
Hiro Nakamura: Masi Oka
Claire Bennet: Hayden Panettiere
Mohinder Suresh: Sendhil Ramamurthy
Matt Parkman: Greg Grunberg
Ando Masahashi: James Kyson Lee
Niki Sanders: Ali Larter
Noah Bennet: Jack Coleman
Sylar: Zachary Quinto
Angela Petrelli: Cristine Rose
Sandra Bennet: Ashley Crow
Micah Sanders: Noah Gray-Cabey
The Haitian: Jimmy Jean-Louis

Xbox 360 Starter’s Guide + 5 Bargain Bin Choices for this Holiday Season

2009-01-02T12:03:00.000-05:00

So you just bought yourself a spanking new Xbox 360 console and are wondering which games to pick up to quickly get caught up with Microsoft’s newest HD experience. Hopefully, you’ve been smart or lucky enough to buy one of the new bundle packs that make the 360 the best deal for the coming holiday season. These bundles affect the whole range of Microsoft’s 360 SKUs and are an incredible way to quickly have some fun. Regardless ,you should have at least gotten Lego: Indiana Jones and Kung Fu Panda for free. If you were extremely lucky you might have even obtained a few others thrown in as many big chain stores are sweetening the deal with extras that can include Dark Sector, Sega Superstars Tennis, Viva Piñata or even Assassin’s Creed.

There’s certainly a huge sense of wonder and excitement whenever you buy a new gaming console that begins right from the unpacking. This holiday season is tempered by the current economic woes being felt around the globe but there’s always a chance to let loose and have some fun and video gaming is certainly a good outlet to let off stress. Just don’t take things too seriously even if you find yourself cursing at your TV because you got fragged by some potty-mouth teen.

I own every current console (Wii, PS3, 360) and though I like them all I’m still recommending my friends and family that if they only have one choice to pick up the 360. Dollar for dollar it’s still the best deal on the market unless you are buying for a preteen or drastically need Blu-Ray playback. Regardless of your motivation you can’t really make the wrong choice as all three systems have a good variety of games in their catalogue with more on the way.

For new 360 users there are many features that open up to you especially if you are upgrading from the previous generation of Gamecubes, PS2s or original Xboxes. With HD 1080p graphical output to the wide array of online services and features the 360 opens up the world to you through the net.

I heartily recommend that new owners take their time in learning some of the cool features of the console even though they are dying to quickly pop in a game.

Check out my previous review on the new NXE interface here to see what is in store for your 360. Those users who are upgrading to Microsoft’s next gen console will find a wide variety of options available that was just not even conceivable on older systems. Downloading hundreds of game demos, video rentals, game expansions and letting you listen to custom soundtracks are some of the most basic examples of this new medium. Add on the fact that you can make your 360 a Media Extender to stream movies and TV shows from your laptop or PC through your 360 and to the TV truly make this a step towards the mythical set-top-box.

For those with only 360 Arcade Units this is a great SKU to get you started on your gaming journey but I think you’ll quickly find that you need to upgrade in order to experience the full array of features your new console has.

Thankfully, Microsoft has made upgrading extremely easy with the release of the Live Starter Pack. For around $100, depending where you buy it, you get a new 60GB hard drive, a headset, an Ethernet cable and 3 months of Xbox Live Gold. With the hard drive you can fully experience the online community as well as install the NXE patch with ease. Although you have to pay to play for online services through your Xbox Live Gold subscription whereas it is free with the PS3, there’s no doubt that Microsoft’s service is more robust. That is not to say that the PS3 network is bad but rather the integration across the 360 from in game chats to party invites to overall stability is unparalleled.

Here are a few tips to remember regardless of SKU you have that will go a long way to giving you a better 360 experience:

Make sure you are using the best connection possible. If you have an LCD / Plasma TV that supports 1080p it would be an absolute waste to use standard composite AV cables. This cripples your image resolution by providing washed out colours that are prone to flicker. If you bought an Arcade SKU then this is the default cable that came with your unit. Trust me, if you have a HD TV don’t use the standard cable. Go out and buy a Component AV cable or HDMI if you have a HDMI port. You’ll notice a huge difference.

Whether or not you know, the initial 360 consoles are prone to overheating. Leaving your console on for extended periods of time is only recommended if you have placed your unit with a lot of free flowing air circulation. Stuffing it into a hot cabinet with no ventilation is a recipe for disaster. Make sure you properly place it or you are going to increase the likelihood of it literally melting. Conversely, this applies to your huge power brick. For heaven’s sake don’t put a hot towel or other heat absorber over the thing unless you want it to malfunction as well.

Never ever turn your Xbox 360 from a vertical to horizontal position or vice versa when a disc is spinning. This will severely scratch your game disc probably rendering it useless. With new games costing upwards of $60 this will make you cry.

Purchase a “play and charge” or “quick and charge” kit for your wireless controllers unless you have rechargeable batteries on hand. Normal AA batteries surprisingly last a long time but you might as well get rechargeable batteries since they are more cost efficient in the long run. Remember too that your wireless 360 controller can go up to 30 feet away from your console. Don’t be afraid to sit comfortably in your sofa and enjoy your experience! For those with only wired controllers you'll find things much easier and liberating with a wireless unit.

Pop in your favorite CDs and rip them to the internal hard drive. Remember, many games feature custom soundtracks which mean that instead of listening to the music developers put in their games you can override this and have your own music playing instead.

Set parental restrictions especially if you are concerned with your underage kids playing ultra violent games. It doesn’t take long and it’s easy to configure.

Hook up your 360 online and download the NXE patch! Seriously, unless you have an old arcade unit with a small memory card or no hard drive there’s no reason not to since it adds functionality to your console.

Download as many demos as your hard drive can hold. There’s no reason not to as they are a good barometer of how well you will enjoy the finished product. You might even find games here that you would never have bought if you hadn’t monkeyed around with the demo. This applies to Xbox Live Arcade and community games as well. Just try it since it’s free.

During a game you can press the Xbox Guide button (you know, the giant button that looks like a honking huge 360 logo located in the middle of every controller). This will bring up a miniature version of the 360 dashboard giving you access without you having to stop the game you are currently playing.

If you do get the dreaded RROD – Red Ring of Death – and your console displays an error warning don’t fret as it could be one of many problems. Check all your cables to make sure they are properly seated. In some cases unplug and put them back in. If that doesn’t work remove your memory cards, controllers and hard drive. If all this doesn’t work you’re probably out of luck and have to call Microsoft customer service.

There are many features you can explore on your own. Of course, it doesn’t matter if the console can do your laundry if it doesn’t have games but don’t fret as there’s no lack of good software on the 360. Now there’s so much you can take of playing Lego: Indiana Jones and Kung Fu Panda especially if your taste runs a bit more mature. Kicking ass as a Panda has its perks but slicing a zombie with a chainsaw can provide some needed testosterone.

Simply put, after spending two bills or more on your new console I suspect most new users are going to be strapped for cash so over the next few weeks I’m going to be posting reviews of some of the best 5 games you can pick up on the cheap.

Crackdown
Dead or Alive 4
Dead Rising
Earth Defense Force 2017
John Woo's Stranglehold

Nearly all of these have been out for a year or two and can be found easily in your local EB Xbox 360 pre-owned section. The last time I ventured in there I noticed that these titles are all $25 or less and if you are lucky you might even be able to pick up all 5 for less than $100.

After all this Xbox 360 love, I hope Microsoft sends me a cheque for all this free advertising I’m giving them! On a side note, look out for more reviews for other systems such as the PS3, Wii, DS and PSP.

iPhone - Sally's Salon Review

2008-12-30T14:41:00.002-05:00

I remember many moons ago visiting my favorite local video game store and entering into a discussion with one of the sales people about what he was currently playing. He answered that his life was filled with so many things at the moment that he found that he was spending less and less time playing with video games and when he did find the time, the only thing he could play was anything related to Street Fighter II in short thirty minute playing sessions. I pitied the guy back then thinking it would never happen to me. Of course, I was wrong.

I still manage to find the time to play video games albeit in much lower quantities than “back in the good old days.” Also, I have to admit, that it’s getting harder and harder to play in long gaming sessions. Gone are the days when I could come back home, eat dinner and fire up the video game console or PC and play from 6pm to midnight. Sure, it might happen but it’s about as rare an occasion as a complete solar eclipse happening near my house.

However, one area where I never expected to find gaming sessions on the rise is during my free time while I am out of the house. Whether it be waiting for my wife while she shops to taking a break at work I’ve found that there’s actually plenty of time to indulge in, shudder, casual gaming. These play sessions don’t particularly last long, say 10-20 minutes so the games themselves can’t exactly be epic role-playing adventures like Final Fantasy 7. Rather, they are designed to be quick and dirty. Play a round or two and then save and move on with your life.

I rarely take my PSP or DS out with me unless I’m going on a nice long airplane ride around the world but the one place I never thought I’d find quality gaming is my cell phone. Of course, it doesn’t hurt that my current model is Apple’s 3G iPhone. I previously dabbled in cell phone gaming with the abortive failure called the Nokia Ngage and while I somewhat enjoyed a few games (long live Pocket Kingdom!) the system itself was clunky and stiff.

Enter the iPhone. While I’m still not entirely convinced with iPhone gaming – it just doesn’t work in my opinion for certain genres – there are some games which are surprisingly fun although I have to say, just about none I’ve played are very difficult. I’m not bragging but it’s easy to see that developers have not made terribly difficult games as they are trying to appeal to a much broader audience than hardcore gamers.

One such game that has recently surprised me is Sally’s Salon by Real Networks where you control an up and coming hairstylist, appropriately named Sally, who attempts to expand her salon franchises to multiple cities. Much like the hit Diner Dash, Sally’s Salon is all about how you manage your daily tasks and how you successfully control the flow of customers who come into your store.

A basic example would be moving your customers from the waiting area to the washing stations. From there you move them to the stylist station then to the hairdryer and later in the game to more specialized areas to apply suntan and fingernail polish. Controls are super intuitive. Since this is the iPhone everything is controlled with light touches of your fingertips onto the touchscreen. To move a customer you simply click once on them and then click where you want them moved. Once at their new location you must click on Sally herself to move to the customer and perform her job like trimming and then cutting their hair.

The game inserts a couple of extra wrinkles to add some needed tension to the whole ordeal. Each customer has a bar of hearts above their heads indicating how happy they are with their whole experience. The more hearts they have the happier they are but also the more they’ll tip once they arrive at the cashier. If they lose all their hearts the customer will storm out leaving Sally with no money at all.

These virtual customers lose hearts if they wait too long at any given station or if you choose the wrong styles for them. For instance, once a customer is sitting in the hairstyling seat you are presented with many choices of cut. Each cut has a rating on them that shows whether that particular customer likes or hates it. If you chose the right one the customer will be pleased and their heart level will increase. Conversely, make a mistake and give them a style they despise will cause them to lose a heart.

This might sound pretty easy but it becomes frantic at the higher levels when you are pressed for time and are rushing to move people in and out of stations as it’s easy in these situations to hit the wrong style. Another element that adds difficulty is that different types of customers seem to lose hearts faster such as the Elvis impersonator who, in my games, seemed to perpetually be angry. This forces you to try and service them first in order to get them through the various areas as fast as possible.

After every successful day at work you are given a simple tally of how much money you made. If you earned equal or more money than the minimum amount set for the level you are on you get to play the following day. If not, you have to once again repeat the same day. After successful days you are given the opportunity to purchase upgrades to your salon. These range from hiring staff to help you do various tasks such as blow drying to purchasing nicer, more comfortable chairs in order to keep your clientele happier and slow down their loss of hearts.

The game itself has some pleasant hand-drawn 2-D sprites and graphics and there’s no slow down whatsoever. There is a bit of an irritant in that as your salon grows in size you have to constantly be swiping your finger back and forth since the room spans greater than the sides of the phone. I know on the PC this is not an issue as the screen is obviously big enough to accommodate the whole size of the room but the iPhone’s restrictive screen makes this not possible. Since you have to move Sally all over the salon there were times when I had to scroll left and right where I accidentally tapped a customer to move somewhere I did not want which was not exactly fun.

A bigger issue for me, and I alluded to this earlier, is that the game is not very difficult. I think I only had to repeat one day once. Also, since I was literally blowing through the game with ease, I bought all the salon upgrades long before I got to the final levels. It’s a bit of a downer to not be able to buy anything new even though I have oodles of cash on hand.

Overall Sally’s Salon is the very definition of casual gaming – short and sweet. For me though there’s not much incentive to play it all over again as I’m not one of those gamers obsessed with besting my personal high-score. Still for $4.99 this is a keeper. (It's currently on sale for $0.99 which is an even better deal).

*** out of ****

Developer: RealNetworks Inc.
Released: November 3, 2008
Version: 1.1.3
Size: 7.8 MB